Alex Rodriguez Likes Parties About Gladiators. BIKINI PARTIES!

Now that Alex Rodriguez is single again, he has no choice but to lounge around his mansion in Miami while tons of women do cartwheels in bikinis. Or at least that’s what it looks like until you realize they’re all built like Schwarzenegger, and he’s got them posted in trees like gorilla sentries. So either Alex Rodriguez has some kinky fetishes, or he’s a goddamn Bond villain.

BOND: Do you expect me to believe you actually like women?
A-ROD: No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die. — And maybe stay. We’re having paella!

Photo: Splash News