Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini

January 22nd, 2009 // 82 Comments

Sweet Santa. So, it’s apparently Victoria’s Secret Models in Bikinis Week, because following up Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr, is Alessandra Ambrosio who’s also shooting in St. Barts. Damn, I knew I should have bought that island when I had the chance. And by had the chance I mean I pointed to it on a globe then licked it – which I, then, got to keep thus striking fear into the heart of my co-workers. Who’s not saving me a donut now, bitches? Globe Master commands you!

Photos: Splash News

  1. Fat Chicks Suck


  2. yawn

    ALL I see is a flat assed white bitch standing in the water…

  3. fabio

    jizzed in my pants!

  4. teeg

    Somewhere, Madonna is crying tears of acid.

  5. Alyssa

    omg, she is ridiculously beautiful
    I cant believe she had a baby, what, 2? 3 months ago?
    I’m a little smugly satisfied that she has a bit of a belly now (though teeny) but happy that there is proof she’s at least human and not some divine creature!

    Go Aless!

  6. Bif Jerkenson

    Wow, pic 3 looks awful – this is the standard of beauty now?

  7. flattest EVER

    No Ass at all! OMG I think Amy Winehouse has more ass than this chick!

  8. soberocks

    wow she just had a baby! lucky girl

  9. Randal

    The hand carved wood working done on the canopy bed is something else. A lot of hard work and dedication when to making such a beautiful piece of furniture.

    Looks like the carpenter left a twig resting on it. Poor girl needs to move to a country where she can get some food.


  10. lizzy

    wow, so beautiful… except she has no fucking ass, that sucks

  11. THREE WORDS...

    bag of bones. she does not rock skinny well.

  12. I’d hit that like a foster child MEEP

  13. Binky

    I spent a week on St Homers – that was way too long.
    But not as bad as the weekend on St Krustys. What a shithole that island was. The place is a sand bar.
    St Barts is the best of Simpsons archipelago I suppose. (Looks like they don’t ‘have a cow’ that wanders the beach.)

  14. Look at what I found on this t shirt store called MEEP

  15. NipTuck

    No ass. But she is beautiful!!

  16. Rick

    Thank god! Ever since lunch I’ve had something stuck in my teeth.

  17. Tech ALERT!!

    Duuuude! Your buddies at Geekologie and I Watch Stuff are having problems with their websites. And yours is having trouble with links. I got this message when I tried to click on the links AND when i tried to go directly by typing the URL:
    The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

    Please contact the server administrator, and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.

    More information about this error may be available in the server error log.

    Additionally, a 500 Internal Server Error error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.

  18. Disco Stu

    She’s pretty, but she could do with some tits and hips. Having a baby should have given her that, what happened???

  19. Tom Cruise

    My fav is second from the left, bottom row. Like she’s making me take the whole thing. Kate doesn’t seem to have that type of energy these days. Possibly we should have left in a little more blood.

  20. Deacon Jones

    Pic 7-
    That’s the reaction I get when i walk into a bar

  21. Nerd Fantasy Girl

    #18 – mmmmm….oohhhhh…you’re making me so hot, I’m gonna come….don’t stop…

  22. Paul

    Can someone help me? I’ve been blocked by Geekologie and I Watch Stuff.
    God, this really sucks.

  23. 3. fabio
    Good song from SNL

    Lock eyes from acros?s the room
    Down my drink? while? the rhyth?ms boom
    Take your hand and skip the names?
    No need here for the silly? games?
    Make our way throu?gh the smoke? and crowd?
    The club is the sky and I’m on your cloud?
    Move in close? as the laser?s fly
    Our bodie?s touch? and the angel?s cry
    Leave? this place? go back to yours?
    Our lips first? touch? outsi’de your doors?
    A whole? night? what we’ve? got in store?
    Whisp?er in my ear that you want some more
    And I

    Jizz in my pants?

    This reall?y never? happe?ns you can take my word
    I won’t? apolo?gize, ? that’?s just absur?d
    Mainl?y your fault? from the way that you dance?
    And now I

    Jizz in my pants?

    Don’t? tell your frien?ds or I’ll say your a slut
    Plus it’s your fault?, ? you were rubbi?ng my butt
    I’m very sensi?tive, ? some would? say that’?s a plus

    Now I’ll go home and chang?e

    (?jorma?)? I need a few thing?s from the groce?ry
    Do thing?s alone? now mostl?y
    Left me heart? broke?n not looki?n’ for love
    Surpr?ised in my eyes when I looke?d above?
    The check? out count?er and I saw a face
    My heart? stood? still? so did time and space?
    Never? felt that I could? feel real again?
    But the look in her eyes said I need a frien?d
    She turne?d to me that’?s when she said it
    Looke?d me dead in the face, ? asked? “cash? or credi?t?”
    And I

    Jizze?d in my pants?

    It’s perfe?ctly norma?l, ? nothi?ng wrong? with me
    But we’re? going? to need a clean? up on aisle? 3
    And now I’m posed? in an awkwa?rd stanc?e becau?se I

    Jizze?d in my pants?

    To be fair you were flirt?ing a lot
    Plus the way you bag cans got me bothe?red and hot
    Pleas?e stop actin?g like you’r?e not impre?ssed
    One more thing?, ? I’m gonna? pay by check?

    Last week – I saw a film
    As I recal?l it was a horro?r film
    Walke?d outsi’de into the rain
    Check?ed my phone? and saw you rang and I

    Jizze?d in my pants?

    (?jorma?)?speed?ing down the stree?t when the red light?s flash?
    Need to get away need to make a dash
    A song comes? on that remin?ds me of you and I

    Jizz in my pants?

    (?andy)? the next day my alarm? goes off and I

    Jizz in my pants?

    Open my windo?w and a breez?e rolls? in and I

    Jizz in my pants?

    When bruce? willi?s was dead at the end of sixth? sense? I

    Jizze?d in my pants?

    I just ate a grape? and I

    Jizze?d… in… ?my pants?

    Jizze?d… in… ?my pants?

    Ok serio?usly you guys can we… ok?…

    I jizz right? in my pants? every? time you’r?e next to me
    And when we’re? holdi?ng hands? it’s like havin?g sex with me
    You say I’m prema?ture I just call it ecsta?sy
    I wear a rubbe?r at all times? it’s a neces?sity

    Cuz I

    Jizz… ?in… my? pants?

    (I jizz in my pants?, ? I jizz in my pants?, ? yes I jizz in my pants?, ? yes I jizz in my pants?)?
    Yes I jizz… ?in… my? pants?
    (I jizz in my pants? (?akiva! ?)?, ? I jizz in my pants?)?

  24. lisa

    where did her ass go?

  25. NY Ted

    Who the fuck is the dude dressed up in a bikini…???

  26. Maria

    Now that is Beautiful!

  27. Maria

    Now that is Beautiful!

  28. Nella

    Oh my god, she is gorgeous. I absolutely love her! And #10, #10, are you really Randall? Because Ale has always been tiny, has a small bone structure, and looks wonderful.

  29. Steve

    Why can’t American women look like that after having a child?

  30. Erik

    I’d suck her cock. It’d be much better than having my eyes water and my stomach turn flips while I lick a fat girl’s stinking hairy thigh-rash-bracketed gunt-hidden tunahole.

  31. OJ's Mom

    I looked at the pix, now I am hungry for beef jerky for some reason.

  32. Jupiter Girl

    No ass at all! And her stomach looks a bit bulgy in these pics. But she’s still beautiful.

  33. MonkeyMan777

    To the person that said Amy Winehouse has more of an ass than this, I think it’s becuase Amy ate this VS model’s ass. That or instead of losing her breasts when (if) she breastfed, she lost her ass instead……

    With her pouchy belly now, and totally flat ass (she used to have one, albeit a super tiny one, but there used to be something there) she’s got a weird looking body shape. She’d look so much better with a little junk in the trunk.

  34. Zascia

    American women don’t look like this BEFORE having a child. They all start getting fat around 18-19 years old, which is why they always say women like Alessandra look like 14 year olds. In the funhouse mirror that is an American woman’s eyes, anything less than 20lbs overweight is “unhealthy.” I don’t know why the Islamics are even bothering with terrorist bombings – Americans are already eating themselves to death, while wailing about the 1% of their population that has anorexia (I think they get upset at any meat entree that’s not well-marbled).


    “She’d look so much better with a little junk in the trunk” etc. — Even with Obama in office, there’s a large majority of Americans who do not want good looking girls turned into n igger-looking girls.

  36. Fat Chicks Suck

    Zascia: Genius post. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  37. aidi

    SHE HAS NO BUTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEIRD SHAPE……!

  38. Trizfay

    FUCKING STOP POSTING THESE. Make a separate blog or something jesus, you’ve got enough pointless ” ” in a bikini posts.

  39. Fat Chicks Suck

    Here are some statistics:

    65% of women in the US are currently overweight or obese.

    0.9% of women in the US experience anorexia at some point in their life. On average, it lasts 1.7 years. That means with an average life expectancy of 79.5 years (minus 18 since we’re sticking with adults for this comparison), about 0.025% of adult women have anorexia. That means at any given time, for every anorexic woman, there are over 2500 fat chicks.

  40. Mike

    No Toe, no Grow.

  41. California Red

    she just had a baby too

  42. Delgo

    Know Toe, know Grow.

  43. Balack Obama the Muslim fo America

    That’s an amazing body.

  44. She looks like the hot little sister of Cindy Crawford!

  45. MassGrrl

    Good lord. She certainly got her body back. Wow.

  46. shsut

    I guess I’m the only one who finds her face completely fug. I really don’t get the hype around this woman.

  47. Those americans have a problem facing reality, folks!!
    (but they simply can’t deal with that)

  48. amanda

    i must agree that her face is weird, but she used to have a really nice body
    i guess not being able to work out while prego demolished her cute little ass completly
    she looks skinnier now than before she had the baby, i remember her having more shape before
    as always with her, some pics look good and some look awful – she would never have been my pick for a model

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