Alec Baldwin’s ‘SNL’ Trump Almost Worked
“There she goes talking rationally about policy and listing professional achievements, what do I do? What do I do? Think, Donald! What would make Billy squeal like a weasel right now?!”
Last Friday afternoon, we were a carefree nation of dreamers. Donald Trump’s continual slide in the polls made it look like we only had to endure one more month of Thanksgiving table memes before we put this all behind us and agreed not to drink hard liquor during elections anymore. Then the Access Hollywood tapes came out — which if you know nothing about, how do you live your blissful life, and can you teach me? — and the nation’s pussy was once again forcibly grabbed by a glowing orange beef jerky man in a scandal that should have seen the Republican party disemboweling themselves on the steps of the Capitol Building, because it’s too late to force their candidate off the ticket. Then a savior appeared in the form of Alec Baldwin’s Trump impression on SNL, because at this point we’re willing to accept catharsis over the viable presidential candidacy of a narcissistic, misogynistic racist via a paparazzi-mauling rage monster who also once called a woman a pig, only she was 11 and his own daughter. So yeah, this whole situation is all kinds of fucked, but Baldwin really nails the butthole lips in this one. Check it out!
That was funny, right? What a nice release from all the bullshit this campaign has brought with it. What’s this now? Another debate? Oh goddamnit. And instead of offering a rundown of exactly how ridiculous the second debate turned out, I’ll just put how it ended here, which is exactly the way elementary school teachers resolve fights in recess.
And here’s where it gets really special, because while we should be collectively repulsed as a nation that the election of our highest office has turned into a Comedy Central Roast, instead we focus on Ken Bone and Pussy Bow, because at this point we are deliriously insane. We’re at that moment when you’re trying to put together a shitty bookshelf that has terrible instructions and half the hardware missing, and you realize you put one of the side panels on backwards or upside down and you have to rip it all apart and start over, and you just start laughing and sort of crying at the same time. Shit, nobody even noticed Bill Clinton grabbing Donald Trump Jr.’s pussy from behind on live television. That’s how far gone we all are.
*inhales deeply* “Mmmmfff…You smell real pretty, rich boy.”