Alec Baldwin Isn’t Famous Anymore

February 24th, 2014 // 16 Comments
Alec Baldwin
The Cocksucking Illuminati
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In case you haven’t heard by now, Alec Baldwin has dictated a lengthy essay to Vulture about his decision to quit public life because he met with the faggots, and he made nice with the faggots, but you faggots can’t seem to leave him alone to do important work helping you faggots out. Which is not an exaggeration. The man spends over 5,000 words talking about how great he is, how he’s never had to do bullshit police procedurals (Apparently that’s an actor thing.) yet for some reason he’s constantly attacked by the media whether in the form of mustache-twirling paparazzi who take pleasure in making his wife fall or the two-faced media with its Anderson Coopers and Rachel Maddows who can’t appreciate Alec Baldwin for being liberal crusader Alec Baldwin and instead feel the need to take the hate speech he accidentally says at face value costing him his MSNBC show that he didn’t even want to do anymore anyway because they weren’t doing it the Alec Baldwin way. It’s just ridiculous froth froth froth. And for even more schadenfreude, there’s a section devoted to Shia LaBeouf who Alec Baldwin didn’t get along with on the set of Orphans because – and the irony is epically missed here – they’re the same person. Two fart-sniffing rage-monsters hell-bent on proving their genius to a world too stupid to appreciate it. So here’s that if you’ve got time to kill:

Alec Baldwin: Good-bye, Public Life – Vulture

Or here are sexy Instagrams of his daughter because reading is hard:

Photo: Steve Schofield/New York Magazine


  1. Can I shit in the bag before he puts it over his head?

  2. JC

    So referring to someone as a “tranny” is supposed to convince us what a hell of a swell fella he is?

    Regardless, allow me to pen a response: Fuck you, Alec. You made a bajillion dollars playing pretend for years. If you don’t want to do it anymore because people try to take your picture, that’s fine, but skip the self-centered whine-fest about how hard your fucking life is. If I may borrow your own words, people have real problems, you cocksucking motherfucker.

  3. what naughty words did he say that I’m supposed to care about again?

  4. Alec is a rare talent. An actor equally gifted at both drama and comedy. A delight to watch on screen. Oh and he’s a raging asshole too.

  5. Cow GTI

    Didn’t read through this entire bullshit because I don’t hate time enough to waste on it. But I especially liked the part where he called Shia a shithead for learning his lines and getting pissed that Alec didn’t.

  6. Bane

    This clown is the reason the Bitch Slap was created.

  7. I thought Alec was a no BS straight shooter. The whole “I had no idea my gay slur could taken as a homophobic insult, so that’s why I flew all the way to Hawaii to seek out more of their kind from the source, so that they could help me understand them and their customs.” Is the lamest pussy excuse ever, just man up and apologise like a normal person asshat.

  8. Read the whole thing (slow work day.) ‘Will pray that TMZ and/or MNBC bother responding to it – a fight ain’t no fun if there’s only one guy in it!

    Still…. what a world-class whiner/hypocrite/PoS. Completely unable to take any responsibility for his own downfall. We all saw and heard the tape, Alec – you did call that pap a ‘faggot’; Levin didn’t have to make anything up.

    You’re a straight-up shit-stain, Baldwin, but I will give you credit for being able to survive this long in the public eye after the many incidents and years of total bullshits you went through in the last decade or so. Forget about the whole ‘Disgusting Little Pig’ voice message – what about the ‘Words with Friends/runway’ incident? To walk around with such a ridiculously high amount of hubris for this long without getting bitchslapped by the general public sooner… That’s impressive.

    Anyway – goodbye; see you never; you won’t be miss.

  9. Kimmykimkim

    Fuck what everybody says or thinks. I fuckin love Alec Baldwin.

  10. Uradouche

    Excellent job reading a story about a spelling bee, seeing the word “schadenfreude” and then using it in a sentence.

  11. ben dover

    don’t let the door hit you in the ass when you leave
    p.s. take your daughter with you please

  12. Swearin

    I think he’s about 5 years too late to want to spend time with his daughter so she doesn’t grow up to be a self-involved Hollywood brat that goes the model/actress route…

    Or maybe this is just fodder for “Seduced and Abandoned 2″? Sequels are in right now!

  13. Fancy Face

    Is it technically “incest” when his daughter is sucking on the whole “famous parents” teet in order to get people to pay her any sort of attention?

  14. Jenn

    So Alec isn’t famous anymore. Does this mean he’s copying Shit Ladouche?

  15. He insults crime dramas? His brother was in one of the best ever, Homicide: Life on the streets. So I guess he wanted to add a little bitchslap of spite against family, there. Such a piece of shit.

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