“Now, remember, make me look like a good dad in front of these scum, you thoughtless little p- *gets closer to paparazzi* Gosh, honey, I sure do love these walks we take every day. Together. In the day. Now talk to your old man about boys, I’m always here to list… They gone? Not one fucking smile out of you?! I WILL EAT YOUR FACE.”
After spending Tuesday night walking around Manhattan with a sheet over his head in an incredible attempt to avoid having his picture taken, Alec Baldwin hit the talk show circuit yesterday and has apparently resorted to blaming Republicans for making it look like he attacked a photographer. No, really. Via Mediaite:
He further criticized the media’s distortion. “You have your political opposition and they get on the internet, and within 30 minutes the misrepresentation of the story is out there,” said Baldwin. “You go on Twitter or Fox Nation says, ‘Baldwin punches photographer.’ Not true.”
Yes, because where would the liberal cause be without Alec Baldwin? God knows after Tucker Carlson rappelled into my window and forced me at bow-tie point to make Alec look like a frothing pugilist, I’ve spent every waking hour wondering how my fellow liberals and I will make it should The Great Bear of New York fall. I can’t even imagine what’s happening in the Oval Office right now.
AIDE: Sir, Alec Baldwin was just made to look like a serial paparazzi puncher by the Republicans.
OBAMA: Goddammit. Call Mitt Romney, tell him I concede.
AIDE: Is it that bad, sir?
OBAMA: It’s worse, cracker. Winter is coming…