Adrian Grenier or Tom Cruise?

December 6th, 2008 // 89 Comments

Today’s battle for your nether-regions pits fictional movie star Vinnie Chase against fictional movie star Tom Cruise. (Not a typo.) For the sake of this experiment, we’re going to take some bold leaps and assume Tom is not just trying to convert you to Scientology with his tiny loving, and Adrian Grenier has showered in the past 24 hours. Or you can piss in the face of science and scream “Hugh Jackman!” It’s a free country. Ready GO!


  1. Rachel

    definitely vinnie chase, tom cruise is shorter than i am and im only 5″3
    also its gotta be adrien grenier by default cuz he doesnt have any kids yet and lets face it who really wants to fuck a dad

  2. Hadda Nuff

    Knock Knock? Is that you, Mickey Dolenz? No? It’s TomKat? But, why are you scratching at my door?? What? Adrian Grenier smells like what? How he looks? Oh, so that’s what I’ve been smelling…I though something died…,

  3. Hadda Nuff

    Knock Knock? Is that you, Mickey Dolenz? No? It’s TomKat? But, why are you scratching at my door?? What? Adrian Grenier smells like what? How he looks? Oh, so that’s what I’ve been smelling…I thought something died…,

  4. The Other, OTHER Girl


  5. Drea

    What a choice:

    Adrian looks like he has fucking caterpillars glued above his eyes, and Tom hasn’t been hot since the 80′s… no, wait, actually Tom’s never been hot.

  6. sammm523

    fish u are definitely 100% H0m0..

  7. say10

    who is this weekend writer? because they really suck. its like a less funny less homosexual perez hilton.

  8. Tom Cruise for the win…anytime :)

  9. Ella

    Tom Cruise. ;)

    How can anyone in their right mind turn him down? <3

  10. 1moreidiotintheworld

    it’s the Geico Caveman…………..

  11. Valkyrie


    Dear Mr. Fish- this was horrifying. Your mom.

    ::raises hand::

    WOULD Adrienne have to keep that facial expression or can he spice it up??

    OH and Can Parker direct???


  12. agree: BOTH SUCK, folks!!

  13. Randal

    Fans, don’t late the haters get you down. Tom and Adrian are both fine actors and good looking men with many admirers. You can count me among them.

    It would be an honor and a privilege for me to bust a nut in either one’s behind.


  14. woodhorse

    Yay Randall comes through again.

  15. Missy

    I would have to go with curious space sex with the alien. We all want to know what that would be like.

  16. a little what!?

    Always ALWAYS go with the hygenic, respectful one ladies. You deserve no less. ag isn’t fit to shine your shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!! -felt good to get that out-
    now .. I can’t help but think after this post, might the superficial writer be a little gay afterall?

  17. LEB

    Adrian. If he didn’t look high most of the time. Still, high is better than seriousing f*cking crazy.

  18. yaa

    R PATZ

  19. JungleRed

    If Pete Sampras fucked Chaka from the Land of the Lost, they’d make a slightly less swarthy individual than Adrian Grenier.

  20. Rawrs


  21. Tawny

    22 and 27 were spot on

    If I had to, I’d go with AG, but only because I’m terrified of Tom and he’s short. Maybe back in Top Gun days? And even then, I know he’d be thinking of Goose the entire time.

    And an example for the guys would be Samantha Ronson or Star Jones. Seriously – pick a hottie next time!

  22. bop

    OMFG where is HUGH JACKMAN?!?!?! vs. Christian Bale. That would be a real experiement.

  23. Amandafoster

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  24. Lyn

    I’d have to go for Adrian!

  25. Jenna

    Hot and normal vs. ugly and crazy? Uhh, I”m gonna go with the guy who won’t lock me in a basement and force me to convert to Scientology.

  26. boomer~~

    ******* BOOMERFLIRTING.COM **********

    I meet him at this site some days ago, he is looking for a senior dating~

    That is great ? Is it? Who can tell me if he is single or not??
    I am wondering!!

  27. JellyBean

    Tom only cuz he’s loaded!!

  28. Mal


    Hugh I know you read these comments. It’s time our torrid love affair finally broke!

    No other man could compare with the luscious Man-gora thy chest sporteth! No one will ever think you’re gay again once you come out as my man….until Christian Bale joins us for a bed sandwich (cuz you know a girl’s got needs). *ring* no-no don’t answer that, it’s Tom Cruise and I don’t wanna hear him bitch about not being invited to our gay love fest. None for you Tom, NONE 4 U!!!!

  29. Kat

    Why is there a question mark for the title of this post? There’s no contest. Adrian Grenier, hands down. Mmm, sexy. But Johnny Depp vs. Hugh Jackman? That’s tough.

  30. Mrs Chase

    Vinnie Chase is HOT

  31. The ultimate answer to the universal question is this:


    (Google it)

    - M

  32. Sephystal

    ADRIAN GRENIER HANDS DOWN!!! He keeps it real, and that makes him hotter than the rest.

  33. Sephystal

    p.s. I want to have Adrian’s babies. That is all.

    oh the things i would do to him.. lol. :)

  34. This post and question made me vomit in my mouth a little bit…

  35. B


    If Hugh Jackman wasn’t available.

  36. Miss Foxx


  37. felicity

    Personality and Paris Hilton aside, Adrian’s cute! He’s, er…ruggish? And kinda goofy looking.

  38. I had thee unfortunate displeasure of meeting Mr. Grenier in Vegas and I must say he is a tool. I’m a VIP host so meet famous people all the time, some will stop to talk and some won’t. Usually the stars that don’t want to be bothered are nice about it but Adrian was arrogant and crass.
    I was a fan up until that point but his ego and personality was enough to totally change my mind. Anyway, I found this article about him that made me laugh…

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