Adrian Grenier or Tom Cruise?

December 6th, 2008 // 89 Comments

Today’s battle for your nether-regions pits fictional movie star Vinnie Chase against fictional movie star Tom Cruise. (Not a typo.) For the sake of this experiment, we’re going to take some bold leaps and assume Tom is not just trying to convert you to Scientology with his tiny loving, and Adrian Grenier has showered in the past 24 hours. Or you can piss in the face of science and scream “Hugh Jackman!” It’s a free country. Ready GO!


  1. woodhorse

    $10 bucks on Tom Cruise takes the X man 1st round (but gives him a reach-around)

  2. woodhorse

    Everybody below me also gets a Cruise reach around.

  3. Al_Byno

    WTF!? These guys BOTH suck balls and take it up the pooper. They’ll probably just do it in a park somewhere and post it online as a fundraiser in support of Pooposition 8.

  4. Ashers!

    Adrian is more my type by far.

  5. tromba

    Who writes this garbage? I am guessing that this person DID NOT pay attention in English class.

  6. Me

    Anyone posting after Me sucks on Adrian Grenier’s permed penis

  7. tromba

    Hey Al_Byno, just a bit homophobic, maybe? I will go out on a limb and guess that you are, possibly, a racist and probably not very well educated.

  8. Guy

    I don’t understand, what’s this meant to be about???

  9. I’m going with Tom because I’m tall and so I feel like it would be angry sex.

  10. tromba

    Dear “Me”,

    Please explain how one “perms” a penis.

  11. Yanz

    Grenier for the WIN! Cruise can’t handle it. Vinnie’s chiller than a polar bear meanwhile Tom would be too distracted by Chase’s gorg smile.

  12. girl

    Vinnie Chase, he’s ugly but I like his show and he’d probably smoke me out

  13. swampass

    Adrien fucked/is friends with Paris Hilton and said complementary things about her, so he is a FAIL.

    Tommygirl is an instant FAIL.


    Yes, I went there.

  14. unimposrtant

    Lindsay Lohan!!!!

    wait… what?

  15. tromba is gay

    try to relax dude, it’s a silly site with silly comments. Not a proper place to show how righteous and holier than thou you are. just for fun. dumbass.

  16. huh?

    I don’t understand this post..

  17. ileanita

    definetly adrien

  18. dan1eya

    mmm VINCENT CHASE plzzzzzz

  19. Samma

    …um…HUGH JACKMAN…wins everytime

  20. Sparky

    Johnny Depp. yes, I said it.


  21. justifiable

    Both lameass spazzjacks. Hugh Jackman can phone it in any day of the week and beat these two.

  22. Icky

    Is death an option?

  23. and the winner is ~~ROUGHERS~~

  24. Kelly

    hugh jackman. ftmfw

  25. Kahlee

    eww neither! Adrian is kind of ugly and Tom Cruise is insane.

  26. bitchen

    Neither. Gross. I would rather fuck a shovel.

  27. tromba

    Dear “tromba is gay”,

    Well, you would be wrong. I’ve been married for 20 years. As a timeline study, that precludes me from being married to another man. (Do the math, if you can) The last thing I am is righteous and as for “holier-than-thou”, I am agnostic.

    I see nothing silly about hateful people making unfounded and disparaging remarks about other human beings. These asshats mean what they say regardless as how uninformed and uneducated as they are.

    You are a homophobe as well and a disgusting human being.

  28. Tanya

    Vinnie Chase, ill take him even is he hasnt showered. Tom Cruise is a crazy coked out lunatic…no competition there.

  29. You're fucking dumb.

    Ew what the fuck?

  30. Kimbo Sliced

    Nice Jew ‘fro, Adrien. You look like a goddamn ogre.

  31. sarah

    Hugh Jackman!

  32. Jeff W.

    Is it just me or is he not the spitting image of Greg Brady?

  33. lulu

    if I had to choose between these two, it would definitely be Adrian. Tom Cruise is kinda weird and kinda short….I like tall guys :)

  34. Cinnie

    Hugh Jackman, plz. AG and TC are both ick.

  35. Rebecca

    Adrian likes Paris Hilton, and therefore probably got herpes from her, but Tom Cruise is just… Do I really have to explain? So, Hugh Jackman, hands down.

  36. James

    come on how can you fault us or voting Jackman. We were asked to choose between a drunk probably herpes ridden douchemaster and a pale skeleton that doesn’t own a hairbrush. All while Jackman’s chest is staring at us from the side bar.
    Here you try it. Who would you rather: Paris Hilton or Mary-Kate Olsen.
    Now look at Jessica Alba’s cleavage over there. come on can you REALLY pick one of those other two now?

    Oh and in this case… ugh god… uhm… ew.. Can i go with Jessica Alba actually? yeah no seriously i’d rather switch teams.

  37. RaraAvis

    I’m joining the line that says I Don’t Understand This Post.

  38. Mama Pinkus

    Nutty as he is, I’ll take Tom over that greasy fuck anyday

  39. Aaamber007

    Is this even a question?! Even without scientology and his weird, clearly asexual relationships with women whom he transforms into plastic mannequins, Tom Cruise hasn’t been even semi-attractive since Top Gun. Vinny Chase, with his pot-smoking, gonna-herpe-syphill-aids, still obviously the better choice.

  40. britney's weave

    yeah, whoever said johnny depp is right on.

    so if you need more suggestions for the GUYS… how about samantha ronson or khloe kardashian? since you’re obviously into impossible decisions…

  41. Balls McCoy

    Adrian looks like he’s fresh out of the make-up chair on the set for the new Planet of the Apes movie? Now more ape-ier than ever!

    Oh and tromba is a faggot.

  42. ummm...yeah

    Oh please, both of them suck shit.
    Who the fuck is this Vinnie guy anyway?
    At least I know who Tom is…or was.

  43. swampass

    BTW, what is up with that pic of Adrien???? Obviously, I’m no fan of his, but that picture is extrordinarily douchey. He’s grinning like some kind of psychotic listening to masturbatory voices. Is he coming out of a no-tell motel?

  44. what the f*ck?

    superficial are you drunk?

  45. Heather

    im going to hate myself for this one… but tom

    i just think adrien is the ugliest man alive.

  46. friendlyfires

    I have an agreement with Cruise. I don’t discuss psychiatry and Prozac, he doesn’t discuss Scientology or his sex life. We like watching sports, Tales From The Far Side and The Three Stooges. And Ren & Stimpy. Works for me.

    I almost forgot about Entourage. Do I give a shit about Adrian Grenier? That’s like asking if I care about who shares STDs with Elizabeth Cuthbert …

    Hooray, People Magazine nominated a straight Ozzie that closet queens can drool over. That’s what I call a public service. Too bad us heteros have to contemplate Nicole Kidman, what the brudders call The Excuse For White Meat, Casper The Cold Unfriendly Ghost, The Shiver Stick, The Ice Hole, The Fortress Of Solitude.

    Feel faint, where’s Victoria Secret catalogue? Thanks Rolf … ahh, real fake women, I feel myself again … and again … and again …

  47. Siehna

    Uh neitheir because that guy gives off that Joe Fransis vibe.
    Tom Cruise, I guess…

  48. Rachel

    definitely vinnie chase, tom cruise is shorter than i am and im only 5″3
    also its gotta be adrien grenier by default cuz he doesnt have any kids yet and lets face it who really wants to fuck a dad

  49. Rachel

    definitely vinnie chase, tom cruise is shorter than i am and im only 5″3
    also its gotta be adrien grenier by default cuz he doesnt have any kids yet and lets face it who really wants to fuck a dad

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