Adam Sandler Might Be A Talking Raccoon In ‘Guardians Of The Galaxy’

January 23rd, 2013 // 9 Comments
Rocket Raccoon
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“Did someone say *click click* Nudie Magazine Day?”

As part of Marvel’s Phase Two – the movies leading up to The Avengers 2 – along with Iron Man 3, Thor: The Dark World and Captain America: Winter Soldier, the Guardians Of The Galaxy are getting a movie and apparently one of the characters is a talking raccoon which I had no idea because the trades are out-of-print and mad expensive on Amazon I insert my penis into women’s birth canals until I reach climax. True story. Anyway, that talking raccoon is most likely going to be voiced by Adam Sandler, so we should all probably start pre-ordering tickets now because there’s no way showings aren’t going to fill up faster than your mom. Via Latino Review (h/t Burnsy):

But here is the kicker. Marvel is going after some big comedic actors perhaps for some comedic relief in the movie. Exactly how big?
Marvel is asking for the availability of both Jim Carrey AND Adam Sandler!
For what roles, I’m not sure. Maybe Rocket or Groot? Jim Carrey I can see since he is already playing Colonel Stars & Stripes in Kick Ass 2, but Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler) in a Marvel movie?!

Oh, good, Jim Carrey‘s going to be a tree man in it, too. For a minute there, I thought this would be a talking space raccoon movie where one of the characters doesn’t creepily try to bang Emma Stone with his branch fingers. It’s all about realism these days. That’s how Christopher Nolan does it.

Photo: Marvel

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  1. EricLr

    They’re planning to shoot on location in 1998,

  2. That Bastard Tony

    Jeez, I hope this isn’t true. jason Statham, Bob Hoskins or Liam Neeson needs to be doing his voice. Rocket is the comic relief of the group but he’s also a total badass, something Sandler really isn’t…

    …and I only know this because I don’t stick my penis in enough women sadly (starts crying in Target’s electronics section).

    • I thumbed this up just because you put Bob Hoskins on your list.

    • I never knew who Rocket Raccon was till he was introduced in Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3. He’s such a bad ass. I can see Jim carrey doing a decent job because he can make his voice sound menacing. I can’t see Adam Sandler having much of vocal dynamics like that. Also RR also is just a wise ass and he has this arrogance as well as contempt air about him. Saying stuff like “The Gaurdians of the Galaxy are NOTHING without me In my honest opinion they should use Greg Ellis for the Rocket Raccon.. take a moment and google “Rocket Raccoon Character Vignette” and you’ll his the character reveal in the game. It’s the only voice I’ve ever heard him had and it’s pretty darn bad ass.

  3. Juch

    If they are after ‘big comedic actors’ why are they hiring Sandler and Carrey?

  4. I have no idea what this is.

  5. Edvard Munch

    I bet everyone one of you jackasses that comments here is a huge Adam Sandler fan. Because that guy makes millions releasing the worst crap imaginable is why the rest of the world hates us. I agree with the rest of the world. You effing braindead morons go see it the night its released and buy $15 nachos and $8 candy to you keep your fighting weight of 320 lbs., Then go talk about the movie like it was Citizen Kane at Denny’s where you eat Moons over my Hammy. You disgust me.

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