Adam Levine Did Not Have Sex With Lindsay Lohan’s Vaginarrhea (Too Fancy? You’re Right)

June 26th, 2014 // 15 Comments
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Just like James Franco, Adam Levine found himself on Lindsay Lohan‘s handwritten list of celebrities she’s had sex with that somehow got sold to InTouch for currency that can be exchanged for cocaine. No one’s still quite figured it out. Anyway, just like James Franco again, Adam Levine wants to make it abundantly clear that the list is bullshit and he did not have sex with her. And in his defense, Adam Levine doesn’t suddenly double over screaming, “Begone from my nuts damnable fire of itch and woe!” so we should probably hear him out. Via Starpulse:

Levine was asked about being on the list on Howard Stern’s show, which is rapidly becoming the place to go to talk about Lindsay Lohan’s sex list. Stern told Levine, “By the way, you were on Lindsay Lohan’s sex list – that you had sex with her – I didn’t know this.”
Levine replied, “That’s not true. I did not have sexual intercourse with Lindsay Lohan.” When Stern noted Franco denied the report as well, the singer added, “That’s because I think we’re being truthful about that very specific thing.”
Stern said if no one on the list had sex with her, “Did anybody have sex with Lindsay Lohan?” Adam replied, “A lot of people probably did, I don’t know.”

You know what? Adam Levine gets a lot of shit for being a douche, and rightly so, but at the end of the day that was a pretty sick burn, and at least he didn’t write a short story with interspersing vignettes about Gus Van Sant playing a guitar while he genuflects on the Nicolas Winding Refn-esque work of his latest car commercial. In fact, if anything, that just proves James Franco has syphilis which he probably got from Lindsay Lohan. Take him to the containment chamber!

Photos: Instagram / Vantagenews, Xposure/AKM-GSI, Splash News

superficial

  1. Those aren’t freckles on her thigh. That’s a 10,000-year-old civilization of viruses. (1 human year = 1,000 viral years.) Soon they’ll invent flying machines and then none of us will be safe.

  2. IndustrialBunni

    ” I did not have sexual intercourse with Lindsay Lohan”

    All that sentence says to me is that he probably had some other sexual favor done for him by her. Way too structured.

  3. Bill Clinton's penis

    I did not have sexual relations with that woman!

  4. Lindsay Lohan Spiked Hooker Boots Miniskirt Chiltern Firehouse
    renzomatic
    Commented on this photo:

    She is going to singlehandedly get Chiltern declassified as cool.

  5. Lindsay Lohan Spiked Hooker Boots Miniskirt Chiltern Firehouse
    renzomatic
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s smiling because she notes the large coke deposit creepy guy in the back has made into her purse. Sweet sweet coke.

  6. anonym

    proud (attention) whore.

  7. When asked if her own name was on her sex list, Lindsay said “fuck no, I’m not touching that stinky thing”

  8. Actual list of people Lindsay has had sex with:
    -Coke Dealers
    -Directors
    -Guys who let her use their jet
    -Valets (who carries cash for a tip?)
    -Producers
    -The Guy who had an Ounce of Coke
    -People who give her hotel rooms and/or get her into parties
    -Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
    -Disney Producers
    -Old European Dudes
    -That Guy with That Script
    -Pool Boys (see Valet)
    -Fez

  9. Vaginarrhea. Thats funny.

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