Aaron Carter: Coming To A Hamburger Joint Near You

At fist I was hesitant to dig into Aaron Carter after learning that he’s currently playing hamburger restaurants and having crying fits on stage, but then I looked in the mirror and said… you know what, Randy? You’re an asshole… so here we go.

If you think watching Aaron Carter hold back tears while singing I Want Candy at a place called Hamburger Mary’s sounds like the saddest thing on the planet, well… it probably is. The former teen star, who acts like Norma Desmond trapped inside a trailer park twink’s body, gave his audience a $10 trip to nostalgia town, reminding them that he not only once opened for Michael Jackson, but is also into dudes… sometimes.

Once the club’s nightly drag show ended with some bearded guy winning a free drink in the crowd-judged twerk contest, Carter was free to take the stage to prove all that, and he did. “I am a bisexual man,” Carter announced after his first song of the night. It was clarification of an attention-grabbing tweet he sent last week, an open letter explaining he’d been attracted to males and females as a kid, but stopping short of saying the word “bisexual.” It still wasn’t the most genuinely emotional moment of the night. That distinction goes to when he cried. (TampaBayTimes)

Apparently dedicating How I Beat Shaq to his ex… or his ex- ex is what really hits Aaron Carter in the feels. I don’t blame him, it’s a very emotional song.

Instead of ending the show with his high fashion version of Aaron’s Party that had everyone finally feeling like the $10 cover charge might have been worth it, Aaron had a different party in mind. He apparently plugged up his laptop and started showing off some instrumental beats he had been making. As soon as he started accompanying them with air drums, people collectively started closing out their tabs.

As people slowly started to filter out, a guy who’d been on stage taking video leaned in to say something to him. “I’ve got about 13 more beats to play, though,” Carter replied, looking serious. Shortly after, the security guard came over and put his hand on Carter’s back and they turned and headed toward the dressing room where the meet-and-greets would take place.

Wow. Thirteen more beats? Aaron Carter’s gifted artist complex is something that should be studied by medical scientists. What the hell did he expect after showing off his work in progress fruity loops, a Back to the Future/Johnny B. Goode moment?

“Chuck! Chuck! You know that new sound you’ve been looking for? Well listen to THIS!”
**Aaron Carter freestyle raps about how he’s gay, which rhymes with Chipotle, over GarageBand beat he made**