Welcome to another Sasquatchular installment of The Most Important People on The Internet our grab bag of commentical wonder from throughout the week. And just like last Saturday’s, we’ve got another awesome long-form that deserves better treatment than our gallery offers – And apologies to Gilberator for not thinking of this when he was churning these out. – so you’ll find another one of those below. Will I keep doing this every week? Who knows? It’s a mystery. Much like what I do at night when the lights go down, and the city becomes a cesspool of crime. Perhaps you noticed the masked man who suddenly appeared on the rooftops only to immediately after he hit his ankle on a drain pipe, his cries of “Ow my leggy!” and “Fuck this!” echoing for all to hear. Because that definitely wasn’t me. I was home, uh, masturbating. That’s it. Master catering… More »
Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed which, thanks to Comcast taking a shit on my face, is coming at you from Starbucks — a place I thought was just a nice spot to get an overprice cup of sugar, but turns out is actually Satan’s asshole. Who knew? In a moment, I’ll get this nice ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY WHO FOR SOME REASON IS IN STARBUCKS ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON and speaking at max volume in Spanish right beside me to translate this for our ESL readers, but first I need to collect myself with this Elton John pic. This should put me in a calm, meditative state.
*waits, inhales deeply* Nope, still gonna steam burn everyone in this place to death. *leaps onto table, points green straw* BARISTA, EN GUARD!!
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Earlier today I linked to pics of Lady GaGa getting puked on at SXSW (deliberately in the tit), and now there’s video of her “Swine” performance which will really promote a culture of tolerance and acceptance for the homosexual community, so I take back everything I said about her non-profit. I was a fool. A DAMN FOOL.
Lady GaGa Getting Puked On During SXSW Performance After The Jump
When we last left Lindsay Lohan, she was selling InTouch a handwritten list of celebrities she banged because she’ll do anything for money except be a reliable actress who isn’t a goddamn nightmare to work with. Which is exactly what happened on the set of 2 Broke Girls even though we’re all supposed to believe Oprah cured her with her Oprah magic. Via Crazy Days and Nights:
Lindsay Lohan ’2 Broke Girls’ Set Report After The Jump
While appearing on FOX News The Independent yesterday, Kristin Cavallari revealed that she won’t vaccinate her kids which prompted Kennedy to point out how fucking retarded that is and that the study linking vaccines to autism has been thoroughly debunked. But Kristin’s read books so that makes her smarter than a doctor. Via Deadspin:
You know what, I’ve ready too many books about autism. There is a pediatric group called Homestead—Homestead or Homefront, now I have pregnancy brain I got them confused—they’ve never vaccinated any of their children, and they haven’t had one case of autism. And now one in 88 boys is autistic. That’s a really scary statistic. The vaccinations have changed over the years, there’s more mercury and other…
NO, BITCH, THERE ISN’T. This is probably my biggest problem with the anti-vaccination crowd outside of shit like bringing measles back and killing kids. Nine times out of 10 if these people get sick, who do they go to? A doctor. When they’re pregnant, who do they see? A doctor. Their kids need their tonsils out? A doctor. And, yet, somehow they’ve read enough Internet to know better than a trained physician with a medial degree who they’ve trusted with everything else on how rigorously tested vaccines will affect their child. You’re basically calling your doctor an idiot, yet expecting him/her to standby the moment little Timmy gets rubella. If it’ll make you idiots feel batter, I got a TDaP and flut shot just last month and I didn’t get autism. I’m susceptible to government mind control and will probably shoot up a school to further Obama’s anti-gun agenda, but not a lick of autism. Your kid’ll be fine.
Photos: Splash News
You can really tell Marvel‘s been saying all the right words to Scarlett Johansson lately (Read: Solo Black Widow movie.) because here she is making with the prego-boobs at the Hollywood premiere of Captain America: The Winter Soldier last night after spending the day before not letting reporters ask about her pregnancy. And if you’re still somehow reading after prego-boobs, they also probably explain why Chris Evans isn’t into playing Cap anymore. Who wants to stare into their ex’s rapidly engorging breasts for weeks at a time? Fuck it, let Bucky do it which is exactly what’s happening because Sebastian Stan just signed a nine-picture deal. Also, Bucky bangs Black Widow in the comics which just seems dangerous considering, oh I dunno, he has a fucking robot arm.
“Oh, Natalia, how I’ve missed your bod- HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT I SQUISHED IT LIKE A TOMATO! MEDIC!”
- Rooney Mara is your new Tiger Lily because why hire a real Native American? [Lainey Gossip]
- Michael Lohan‘s baby mama got busted for DUI. Of course. [Dlisted]
- Things That Bounce Thursday is the GIF compilation you need. [theCHIVE]
- Here’s a chick puking on Lady GaGa‘s tit. Yup. [Fishwrapper]
- You can buy edible underwear with food stamps. Thanks, Obama? [The Frisky]
- Robert Rodriguez will never get tired of making Jessica Alba play a stripper. [tooFab]
- Goddamn, Edita Vilkeviciute bikini photos… [Popoholic]
- Ashley Greene definitely has breasts. [Hollywood Tuna]
- A counter-argument on the model Terry Richardson jizzed on as told through a photograph of her labia. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
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