Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which for those of you joining us for the first time after Googling “Jennette McCurdy Nude” (Congratulations, you’ve been disappointed and put in a federal database.), this is where I highlight the comments that somehow managed to make me, a joyless, dead-inside publisher of celebrity tits chuckle. On that note, we have a strong showing this week including The Pope‘s comment below which would get mangled in our gallery setup but demands to be seen. Mostly because it’s blasphemous as shit, but there’s also a butt, so it hits all four quadrants. Enjoy: More »
Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed with a very special Final Five courtesy of Victoria Silvstedt (That pic’s a bonus, because c’mon, really?) who knows that you have to keep the inventory in top shape if you want to move product. From there we get right into Lindsay Lohan in the ultimate blow job caption opportunity, Bruce Willis on the thought of being 91 at his kid’s high school graduation, and Ben Affleck because he’s the hero Golden Corral needs right now.
“Buttahfloi shrimp tha soize of ah tangahreen, Master Wayne,”
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
So remember when Matthew McConaughey was all awesome being badass, atheist detective Rust Cohle on True Detective, and then while winning an award for playing a hard-fucking cowboy he thanked God in his speech? Well, here he is doing a cooking segment for his just keep livin Foundation with Guy Fieri because the universe is a flat circle sphincter that shits all over everything I love. What did Matthew McConaughey ever do to you? Not counting every movie he made between 2001 to 2009. Magic Mike atoned for that. IT ATONED!
It’s been about two hours since the Ireland Baldwin post went up, and for the record, I haven’t been spending that time picking out wedding cakes (That’s tomorrow.) but instead watching my driveway turn into an episode of COPS. So to make up for me cowering in my other neighbor’s house like the manly man I am, here’s Hilary Duff looking hot as shit in leather pants while I get ready to punt a Matthew McConaughey post so I can lay down in my bathtub with a football helmet on for the rest of the weekend. Ladies?
Photos: Pacific Coast News
If you’ve been reading this site for the past year, then you’re well aware of our obsession with Ireland Baldwin and have at least asked yourself once what the hell she’s doing with a guy named Slater Trout. A question that apparently Ireland Baldwin asked herself because she dumped his ass yesterday. More importantly than any of that, is she’s clearly welcome to my advances which is how I chose to read this totally innocuous event that also suggests she’s read the pervy shit all of us have said about her, but we’re past that. We’re past that: More »
There are exactly four Sin City books worth reading: The Hard Goodbye (Originally titled Sin City), A Dame To Kill For, The Big Fat Kill, and That Yellow Bastard. After that begins the frothing, batshit descent into insanity of the once great comic legend known as Frank Miller. Three of those four were already covered in the first Sin City movie, and after almost 10 years (Feel old as balls yet?), here’s the trailer for Sin City: A Dame To Kill For which involves one of the good, and my favorite, story, so goddammit, I’m in. However, it also features an all-new story written by modern-day Frank Miller and starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, so I look forward to a hard-boiled noir tale about a man who just wants to shoots Muslims and hippies with his double-fisted whore guns that fire naked hooker rounds. It’s what Will Eisner would do.
- Jessica Biel is probably pregnant. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jennifer Lawrence didn’t want to win another Oscar and turn into Anne Hathaway. [Dlisted]
- There Are Sexy Chivers Among Us [theCHIVE]
- Jennifer Lopez is trying to be Beyonce now. [Fishwrapper]
- Shailene Woodley is apparently bisexual. [The Frisky]
- Sasquatch owns Justin Bieber‘s house now. [tooFab]
- Carmen Electra does FHM. [Popoholic]
- Goddamn, Cora Keegan… [Hollywood Tuna]
- Alessandra Ambrosio posed nude for Vogue Brazil. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
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Photos: Pacific Coast News