The Crap We Missed – Friday 7.25.14

July 25th, 2014 // 239 Comments

The Crap We Missed where it’s just another day, another embarrassing, drunk public appearance for Kiefer Sutherland. This guy needs some new material. We’ve also got Vin Diesel basking in his almost non-speaking role in which he’s rendered completely unrecognizable with CG effects, Ireland Baldwin at the bottom of the Republicans’ dreaded slippery slope, and Queen Elizabeth who just knows this bitch is about to take her phone out and start texting through this whole thing.

Seriously, there should be laws against these people,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Khloe Kardashian Is Acting Pregnant Now

July 25th, 2014 // 13 Comments

I should probably spill my intestines with a knife for even knowing this, but I could’ve sworn there was an episode of the Keeping Up With The Kardashians where Khloe found out she couldn’t get pregnant because her uterus is lopsided (and a Sasquatch’s). Yet here she is on Instagram holding her stomach with nothing but a heart for a caption. Then again, maybe she just ate some picnic baskets. She definitely loves those.

Photos: AKM-GSI, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Kate Gosselin’s Nanny Escaped To Tell Her Tale

July 25th, 2014 // 10 Comments
Jon Sues For Custody
Kate Gosselin
Except For The Twins. They're Tainted. Read More »

In a surprising move considering Kate Gosselin‘s eyes see all, and in the darkness, all see Kate, one of her nannies has escaped the compound and is talking to the media about just how anal a shrill mother of eight kids can be. As for how the nanny escaped, I’d assume by using the children to dig a series of intricate tunnels not unlike the Viet Cong. And if that seems racist, I’m not the one who shoved them out of my vagina for that exact purpose. Take it up with their mother. E! News reports:

“We always had to refer to the manual because it listed her pet peeves,” the nanny told E! News in a recent interview. “You couldn’t put anything on the ground. You had to put shoes in a certain spot. You couldn’t close doors loudly. You could only vacuum during certain times of the day if she was home.”

On top of never put things on the floor in a house full of eight children, the nannies were also encouraged to eavesdrop on the kids’ phone calls with Jon which seems risky considering one of them might be seduced by his talk of ATVs and betray their master: More »

Comic-Con Day 1: Hope You Like Chins

July 25th, 2014 // 12 Comments

Comic-Con officially started yesterday, and the excitement was palpable provided your idea of excitement is looking at chins because literally two of the biggest stories are chin hair-based. I’m not even joking. So here’s a quick rundown of Day 1, and all the lower portion of the face information that dwells within:

Comic-Con: Day 1 After The Jump

Paris Hilton Made Another Carl’s Jr. Commercial

July 25th, 2014 // 22 Comments
Paris Hilton Carls Jr 2014

Like a flare up that eventually goes away if you just stop itching it, Paris Hilton is being shoved into our faces again with a new Carl’s Jr. ad that she’s somehow getting all the credit for despite the fact it stars Hannah Ferguson and Paris is just a cameo which is fucking bullshit. Hannah’s a legitimate Sports Illustrated swimsuit model while the only thing Paris Hilton’s done to deserve attention is fall out of a wealthy vagina. And even then somebody had to pull her out. She literally just sat there going, “Gawd. This is taking forever.”

Carl’s Jr ‘I Love Texas’ After The Jump

The Selena Gomez I Missed – Friday 7.25.14

July 25th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Selena Gomez and Cara Delevingne‘s lesbian vacation is officially over, so here are the rest of Selena’s outfits in St. Tropez that I didn’t post yesterday because I was too busy covering such hard-hitting news as Superman with a lightsaber and The Queen actually smiling which probably explains this. There’s your answer right there.

Photos: Abaca / Vantagenews / AKM-GSI, INFphoto, Splash News

‘Hot Tub Time Machine 2′ Has A Red Band Trailer And Other News

July 25th, 2014 // 13 Comments
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
WATCH: 'Hot Tub Time Machine 2' - Red Band Trailer

- “How hard is it for you to grow a penis? I’m not asking much, am I?” [Lainey Gossip]

- John Travolta‘s lawyers can’t stop his gay lover from writing a tell-all book. [Dlisted]

- Why Go To Comic-Con When Meg Turney Is At theCHIVE? [theCHIVE]

- Justin Bieber is your new Robin Thicke. [Fishwrapper]

- Pro-Tip: Don’t leave sex toys in your vagina for an entire decade. [The Frisky]

- Simon Cowell declared gay in court. [WWTDD]

- Kate Beckinsale is still a fucking angel. [Popoholic]

- Yes, take relationship advice from Taylor Swift. What could go wrong? [Starpulse]

- Kristin Cavallari just had a baby two months ago. Two. [tooFab]

- Beyonce thinks she’s Rosie The Riveter now. [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Yara Khmidan? [Hollywood Tuna]

- And you, too, Maite Perroni. [Celebslam]

- Those are Ashley Sky‘s nipples. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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