50 Cent’s First Pitch Went Well

May 28th, 2014 // 39 Comments
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As is my wont, I alienated a lot of our resident right-wingers yesterday with my Joe The Plumber post, so in the spirit of brotherhood, I’m going to write this one in their language. It’s only fair:

Baseball is America’s most sacred pastime, so leave it up to Thugbama’s son to desecrate it because their kind shoot each other in Chicago which is why we should never have gun control. Dykes and queers will say we should, but that’s because they don’t want to get shot for being faggots which last I checked is still a God-given constitutional right, and your dead kid can eat a dick if he thinks otherwise. #BENGHAZI

Let the healing begin.

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  1. One problem with your post Fish, I do believe this douchebag that hasn’t been relevant in about a decade is a Republican right-winger also. Not sure if that gives him a pass from their usual drivel or not though?
    #BirthCertificate Yeah, Trump’s back on that bullshit again too.

    • #BirthCertificate

      Fun Fact – the whole birther thing has been linked to Hillary’s 2008 campaign. Right wing!

    • Hillary and her campaign were the original birthers. Bill knows Soetoro wasnt eligible and thats why all the Democrats kept putting forth legislation to change what it means to be a natural born citizen. Then they realized McCain wasnt eligible either him being born in Panama and all so they all just said screw it and let the best pig win. The list of people on both sides of the aisle who need to be imprisoned runs deep.

      Im still waiting for one of those hospitals in Hawaii to say he was born there but it never happens. The truth will come out eventually but the dude in the oval office is not eligible and could be anyone. Besides, is it really possible for a real american to destroy the country the way he has without it being intentional. I dont even think John Kerry could do as bad on his own.

      50 cent throws worse than Soetoro. I never thought anyone could be that bad but he matched the limp wristed President. Ill bet fitty could name more Mets players then Soetoro could name from his home town team the White Sox or Mombassa FC or whoever he roots on any given day to please his audience.

      • It takes real dedication to the birther movement to not only reject Barry Soetoro but also extend it to John McCain who was admittedly born overseas…. on a US military installation to an American borne naval officer and his wife.

        You should probably look up citizenship requirements immediately before killing yourself.

  2. Bryan

    Are you this insufferably smug and whiny 24/7 in real life?

    I tend to support you on everything except your culture warrior BS position on guns, but sometimes I want to disagree with you just because you’re such a condescending arrogant prick. (Which, as is your wont, will be interpreted as a compliment somehow.)

    • Captain Sarcasm

      I guess you don’t mind when he’s a condescending arrogant prick regarding Kim and Khloe’s fat ass or Justin’s douchebag antics. It’s just the gun thing that bugs you. OK, got it.

      • Well it’s annoying when that douche finds away to mention libtards and moslem socialists in every post, so I yeah… it’s annoying when Fish does the exact same thing, somehow tying 50 cent and baseball into some rant about hating teh gheys, guns, and benghazi.

      • Bryan

        I hate to ruin your fantasy, but I’ve never once mentioned Muslims or socialists on this site or anywhere else. I know it’s crazy since all gunhavers are supposed to be rightwing nutjob hicks, but I’m a college educated urban socialist who owns a ton of guns. Wow!

      • Didja hear “douche” and just come running?

        I agree with your post. Both of them actually.

      • Captain Sarcasm

        What the fuck are you talking about? Muslims? Socialists? Where did that come from? I don’t have a problem with you having a different opinion about guns than me and I don’t paint all gun owners with a broad whack job brush. I don’t even oppose gun ownership. I favor reasonable regulations to make it difficult for criminals and crazies to get the tools of their trade. I also favor people expressing opinions, even if I disagree. “I oppose gun regulation” is an opinion. “Shut up” is not. If you disagree with something, post a contrary opinion or move on. If its tittie pictures you want, Fish will accommodate you all day long.

      • Bryan

        You don’t see a difference between posting about a celebrity’s butt and trying as hard as possible to make sure everyone knows you have the Right Political Opinions and that everyone else is a butthurt racist troglodyte? Again, Fish is RIGHT about everything except guns, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t *INCREDIBLY* obnoxious and whiny and smug about it.

        It’s just a bad personality trait. There’s no harm in owning up to it.

      • If we’re being honest, I prefer to think of myself as a self-righteous cockface.

      • I like to save self-righteous for biblefuckers, but I acknowledge your noble attempt.

      • Except Fish is right about guns, too.

      • “I guess you don’t mind when he’s a condescending arrogant prick regarding Kim and Khloe’s fat ass or Justin’s douchebag antics”

        I don’t – both are examples of why I come here (despite not being in line with all of his political ramblings). :)

  3. Baseball hasn’t been America’s favorite (or “sacred”) pastime for many decades. Football has claimed that designation for a very long time.

  4. henri hill

    Ugh with all the policital bullshit. Give me titties, or give me death!

    • who is down voting your call for titties over politics?

      • Probably the people who are smart enough to be able to tell from the headline whether or not they’re going to like an article, and can thus only click on the content they enjoy, instead of clicking something and bitching mightily about it while sand streams from every nether orifice.

  5. It’s been over for two years but it seems that 50 Cent still hasn’t recovered from the effects of fucking Chelsea Handler.

  6. Cock Dr

    Some balls are easier to handle than others.

  7. For a second there, I thought I was reading The Daily Caller.

  8. Frank Burns

    Is this the right thread to say “R.I.P. Maya Angelou”?

  9. First pitch was worse than Carly Ray Jepsen and Mariah Carey.

  10. SomeDude

    What the hell is with your extremism, Fish? Seriously, I would really like a rational explanation on why you have such an extreme view of how people are. Are you even capable of a rational discussion on the matter? I like firearms. I also support gay-marriage. However, in your extremist view those two items can’t exist together at all. You need to learn a little tolerance yourself, I think.

    • If you read the comments posted on anything remotely political or any hot topic, they pretty much create their own stereotype of the people Fish is making fun of. Maybe you are the exception, but the reason things become cliches is because they are generally accurate.

  11. I blame this on how he was taught to hold and shoot a pistol. GANGSTA STYLE!!

  12. MZ MIZRY

    BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
    my sister’s 4 year old daughter throws a ball better than that. SRSLY.

  13. #thesuperficialstrong

  14. It’s a sad thing when Carl Lewis threw it better.

  15. CK

    Somewhere there’s a joke about this guy neither being able to throw nor carry a pitch, but I’m afraid I’d strike out.

  16. CK

    Somewhere there’s a joke about this guy neither being able to throw nor carry a pitch, but I’m afraid I’d strike out if I tried to hit it.

  17. anonym

    that’s what happens when you normally hold a gun sideways

  18. They should put a basket over home plate.

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