Because he’s a deeply religious man of God, 50 Cent took to Twitter yesterday where he informed his nearly 8 million followers that masturbating is a sin, so they should probably cut that shit out:
Masturbation is a sin you stop right now fool!!!lol God is watching you#SMS
— 50cent (@50cent) September 26, 2012
He later provided four easy steps to quit touching yourself which you can scope out over on Gawker, but before that, he provided spiritual and pious responses to fans that took issue with the man who wrote “Candy Shop” telling them to stop watching porn:
Push up’s#SMSaudioRT @infinitiv8: @50cent so what should I do if I don’t have a woman in my life. #fiftypennies
— 50cent (@50cent) September 26, 2012
Why! Cause U jerk off all the time foolRT @whit0013: You gotta shut thee fuck up bruh RT @50cent: Masturbation is a sin#SMS
— 50cent (@50cent) September 26, 2012
Damn boy lol#SMSaudio RT @hameed_hemmat: @50cent looks like I’m going to Hell and so is my last girlfriend’s face lol
— 50cent (@50cent) September 26, 2012
And my personal favorite:
You momma suck da swag outta me fool#SMSaudioRT @lilxdee: @50cent you used to be soo good what happened to you bro?
— 50cent (@50cent) September 26, 2012
Keep in mind, this is also the guy who couldn’t control his urges enough to not have sex with Chelsea Handler, so apparently I missed the part in The Bible where God gave his okay to bang gargoyle vagina out of wedlock as long as you’re not jerking it. Seems like an odd loophole, but then again, so is paying people to pretend a priest didn’t just rape their kid. His ways are not ours to understand.
How not to masturbate: think about sex with Chelsea Handler. And, done.
*How not to masturbate: think about 50 Cent having sex with Chelsea Handler.
Both very good (and accurate) points.
More like how to become nauseated and clinically depressed.
Fitty’s—I feel so white when I say that—four-step plan to stop masturbating includes such innovations as don’t go to porn sites, don’t go to strip clubs, and don’t read porn mags, but my personal favorite is: “Step 2. Make a conscious decision not to turn your head after people walk by you.” In other words, “Staring at tits is okay, but scopin’ dat ass will only lead to trouble.”
Everybody knows the ass is the work of the devil. Kardashian ass is the devil himself.
I always assumed Satan would keep himself in better shape than that.
The Devil is a liar. Like saying Kim K isn’t a fat chick.
Masturbating to 50cent’s Twitter Feed is safer and more socially responsible than trying to have sex with it.
So God likes to watch, huh? Kinky.
If He’s watching me right now I hope He’s wearing goggles and a rain poncho.
Masturbation is a sin, ok. But being a motherfucking P.I.M.P. is ok in the eyes of the lord. Having sex out of wedlock is that alright. You can’t cherry pick the word of the lord. You’re either for it or you aren’t. Is being an asshole a sin?
Like I’m gonna take moral advice form fucking 50 Cent. How’s about you keep your sanctimonious bullshit to yourself. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some porn to watch.
If I can’t jerk off, I’ll probably end up shooting people five times.
Nine times Beef, nine times.
If the baby batter backs up people lose it. Foolish Fitty!
I know I get pissy when don’t get my release. Thankfully I have a computer and unlimited internet access.
But think about the ridiculousness of this idea for a moment. An all-powerful deity who created the vast and endless universe, is concerned with you jerking off? Doesn’t he have bigger things to deal with? Isn’t it him who gave us our sexual urges? Bottom line is: god doesn’t exist, porn does and I will fap. End of story.
Just go have sex. See, no more masturbation.
I see five guys with sore hands and sore egos.
Did this religious freak bother to explain why “God” should have made our arms shorter so we couldn’t reach?
I didn’t think so. Isn’t it time for him to be shot again? What’s it been–a couple years?
That’s why God created midgets.
God tried that with the Tyrannosaurus Rex…it didn’t work out so well.
Somebody needs to tell Fitty to stop spending so much time on chat roulette.
If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.
OK, at this point any sane publicist would tell him to just say his Twitter account was hacked to reduce him looking like a fuckin’ moron.
Sadly, the more moronic they are, the more money they seem to make…
Fuck you, Fiddy! You’re making me want to masturbate even more than I already do.
What a wanker.
LOL
Wankster.
HE starts speaking english coherently, then I”LL stop diddling myself. Until then, he needs to STFU.
God is watching?? What a f*cking perv!
Shoot him again
I’m not Lord of the Internet but doesn’t “LOL” usually indicate someone is joking?
Don’t ruin the outrage with simple facts.
So you like it when people overreact? What YoMamma said was a fact and it didn’t ruin anything. Pointless outrage. Like anyone who has heard of Candy Shop takes what this guy says seriously.
I’m not the Lord of the Internet either. But I play him on TV.
LOL does mean the speaker’s joking… and somebody should explain that to Fitty. If you read the rest of his tweets you can see he’s more serious than joking.
Me thinks he doth protest too much!
“However, God is totally cool with you investing in terrible ideas that will make me rich. Instead of jerkin’ it, buy some of these penny stocks.”
Masturbation is a sin? How very Catholic. Either way, I guess I’m fucked.
Yes you are liitle boy
what a stupid thing to type
Such as your comment. ;)
Apparently we’re all just God’s personal chat roulette.
50 cent trying to sound like Mr. T.
fool
Hey 50! Beat your dick or die trying!
Better yet, if he beats his own face, he’ll be too swollen to speak and Tweet. I’m gonna go with this option…
I’ll make a deal – if God will prevent children from getting incurable, painful diseases, I’ll stop masturbating.
What a jerk. 50 cent is more than he’s worth.
Obviously is NOT a man of God.
Obviously doesn’t know what the bible says.
… and I don’t know why I’m wasting my time even responding.
I think it’s more of a sin to perform at a 13 year old girls bah mitzvah for 500K when her father manufactured faulty equipment for the US military.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/item_YOwmAGCrVERbntaG5BN2XO
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/10295486/ns/today-entertainment/t/go-shorty-its-your-bat-mitzvah/#.UGU7prJmRNI
Stop hating on our masturbating sessions, you turd!
He needs to relax. he should try masturbating.
Uhhh, didn’t Jesus DIE for our sins? Helloooo, might as well take advantage of that and pound the HELL outta that pud… lest his death would be in vain.
Why does everyone think the bible says bad things about masturbation? It doesn’t.
If fitty wants to bitch about men spilling their seed than he should be proactive about solving the problem and open wide.
He’s correct, masturbation is a very greivous sin. Let me direct you to the bible to open your eyes:
Leviticus 19:28, “Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord.”
oh wait, that’s not the one…here:
Leviticus 19:27 reads “You shall not cut the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.”
oops, sorry…I’ll get this right, here’s the one:
Leviticus 19:19: ” You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.”
Well, fuck..I can’t find it. But since 50 Cent doesn’t have any tattoos, doesn’t trim his beard, and doesn’t wear mixed fabrics, I’m willing to trust him on this one.
Oh McFeely you always make me laugh!
How about 50 provides us with a verse? And Onan doesn’t work; his sin was pulling out, which is obvious if you read the the story. I knew that even at a very young age.
Just beat it -Michael Jackson
8,000,000 fucking idiots
The ones who say not to are the ones who do it the most…
Statistical Fact. 50c goes through a six pack of vasoline a week…