Archive for December, 2011

BEST OF 2011: Courteney Cox Wore A Bikini

December 27th, 2011 // 17 Comments
Best of 2011
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Posts of 2011 Read More »

Welcome to the magical time between Christmas and New Year’s when The Superficial lazily rehashes all the posts you sick sons of bitches couldn’t get enough of. This year, in lieu of a Top 10, we’ve decided to break it down by the best post of each month so we can all relive the joy and majesty of 2011, and more importantly, give me an extra two posts to phone in so I can sit around thumbing my Christmas loot.

MARCH

Posted: 3.2.2011

Charlie Sheen dominated most of February and March, so when these shots of Courteney Cox on the set of Cougar Town arrived, you sought refuge in their ample breasty goodness as Jennifer Aniston did that fateful, dark night Angelina Jolie‘s vagina was more readily available. That bitch.

Original Post: Courteney Cox’s in a Bikini Again

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Flynet

Lindsay Lohan Isn’t A Party Girl Anymore, You Guys

December 27th, 2011 // 21 Comments

For she has become Catwoman: Scarf Lordess of the Night.

Even though she received close to a million dollars to pose for Playboy, almost all of it went to legal bills leaving Lindsay Lohan still broke as shit. Which makes it kind of strange that TMZ is running a report this morning that she’s turning down hosting gigs to stay on track with her probation even though there’s a lengthy precedent of her doing whatever the hell she wants and the penal system handing her a cookie:

Sources close to the actress tell TMZ … she’s gotten a bunch of offers to host various ragers on NYE … but she’s turned down every last one.
We’re told Lindsay is desperately trying to change her party girl image … and she feels staying out of the NYE madness is a major step in the right direction.
Lohan’s decision is a costly one — some stars have raked in 6-figure checks for partying on New Year’s Eve. But we’re told Lindsay — who received high marks from the judge just earlier this month — doesn’t think a check would be worth it.

READ: No one’s offering Lindsay shit and Dina has TMZ on speed dial. “Oh, no, no, no, she doesn’t need their parties. My Lindsay would never sully her good standing with the judge for a quick buc- Hold on, I’ve got the Hard Rock buzzing through. – $75,000, I get an open bar tab or you can eat my dick. — I never switched lines, did I? She’s such a good girl!”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News

Stephanie Seymour’s Still Wearing Bikinis and Other News

December 27th, 2011 // 25 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

- The Best Religious Sightings Of 2011 [BuzzFeed]

- Ben Affleck just incepted you. [Huffington Post]

- Matthew McConaughey‘s life used to be awesome. [Dlisted]

- Tom Criuse is the prettiest girl in all of Hollywood thanks to a Brazilian plastic surgeon. [Lainey Gossip]

- Coco decided that her Twitter needed more ass. I agree. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Simon Cowell on why having moobs doesn’t matter when you’re rich as fuck. [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- Hilary Duff > Mariah Carey. [Popoholic]

- Sexy Santas that won’t land your IP address on an FBI watchlist. [TooFab]

- Will Smith sounds like a great co-worker. [TMZ]

- Almost as great as having Lady Gaga for a boss. [IDLYITW]

- For anyone who wanted pussy for Christmas, sorry you just got pwned by the Internet. [theCHIVE]

- 2 Live Crew singer to bone naked zombies in Sundance short. (I dare you to try not to click this.) [FilmDrunk]

- Liev Schreiber‘s moustache is reason enough to watch this unintentional Happy Gilmore reboot. [Just Jared]

- Lil Wayne is now letting 4 yr. olds select his wardrobe. [Bossip]

- Somebody gave Taylor Lautner a copy of photoshop for Christmas. [StarPulse]

- These Go to 11 Awards: A Year of Awesome [Heavy]

- Kate Upton and the Hottest Lingerie Model WAGs. [Bleacher Report]

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Photo: Flynet, Splash News

BEST OF 2011: John Travolta Is Bald As Hell

December 27th, 2011 // 5 Comments
Best of 2011
The Superficial Logo
The Superficial's Top Visited
Posts of 2011 Read More »

Welcome to the magical time between Christmas and New Year’s when The Superficial lazily rehashes all the posts you sick sons of bitches couldn’t get enough of. This year, in lieu of a Top 10, we’ve decided to break it down by the best post of each month so we can all relive the joy and majesty of 2011, and more importantly, give me an extra two posts to phone in so I can sit around thumbing my Christmas loot.

FEBRUARY

Posted: 2.21.2011

One of the most important parts of being a Scientologist is making sure everyone knows/thinks your special L. Ron powers grant you the ability to perform death-defying stunts at age 50, never lose your hair, be straight as shit and stop death with your magic hands. So just like when Jett died it must have been a heavy Thetan day when John Travolta allowed himself to be photographed without his piece on, and holy shit, did you people click the hell out of these. If his cloaking device ever shorts out and someone finally snaps a pic of him banging a dude, I’m pretty sure the Internet will collapse on itself, for such is its hunger for seeing John Travolta exposed as a bald gay man powered by the Earth’s bald gay sun. (I’m on to you.. sun.)

Original Post: John Travolta Looks Different

Photos: Flynet

Sinead O’Connor Just Difficult Browned Kim Kardashian

December 27th, 2011 // 35 Comments

This tin-foil is all the Difficult Brown she needs – inside the Matrix.

When Sinead O’Connor married Barry Herridge just 18 days ago the world was led to believe true love would always find a way to have it’s brown difficulted. Sadly, those dreams have been dashed. Via RadarOnline:

“Dear friends, I had for reasons u will all understand, wished to keep this private but have been told today it is to be leaked in the next few days despite my best efforts,” she wrote. “So I must now leak it myself so as the record is straight.”
The Nothing Compares 2 U singer, who has four kids, went on to say that “certain people in [Herridge's] life” down-talked the marriage to the groom just three hours after the ceremony was over.
“And also by a bit of a wild ride i took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don’t drink,” she wrote. “My husband was enormously wounded and very badly effected by that experience and also by the attitude of those close to him toward our marriage.
“I truly believe though it is painful to admit, we made a mistake rushing into getting married, for altruistic reasons, and weren’t aware or prepared for the consequences on my husband’s life and the lives of those close to him.
She continued, “He has been terribly unhappy and I have therefore ended the marriage.”

And so, with her brown still left easy, but her head held high, Sinead O’Connor marched bravely out into the world knowing that if her heart stayed true, somewhere, somehow, her soulmate would find her and stick his penis in her butt. Amen.

Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

BEST OF 2011: ‘Teen Mom’ Farrah Does Bikini Photos Now

December 27th, 2011 // 14 Comments
Best of 2011
The Superficial Logo
The Superficial's Top Visited
Posts of 2011 Read More »

Welcome to the magical time between Christmas and New Year’s when The Superficial lazily rehashes all the posts you sick sons of bitches couldn’t get enough of. This year, in lieu of a Top 10, we’ve decided to break it down by the best post of each month so we can all relive the joy and majesty of 2011, and more importantly, give me an extra two posts to phone in so I can sit around thumbing my Christmas loot.

JANUARY

Posted: 1.7.2011

During the early months of 2011, MTV’s Teen Mom was somehow way more popular than a reality show glorifying underage dipshits who couldn’t figure out how condoms work had any right to be. On top of that, these chicks were taking their MTV paychecks, immediately turning them into brand new bolt-ons and then parading around in bikini pictures. A trend that started with Farrah Abraham (above) because she’s something of a modern-day Sojourner Truth if not way more important. “While the right to vote is paramount to our cause, will it cock-tease a man into buying you shoes?” – Susan B. Anthony, 1776.

Original Post: ‘Teen Mom’ Farrah is in a Bikini, And Those Are Definitely Implants

Photos: Splash News