Archive for December, 2011

BEST OF 2011: Kim Kardashian’s Engagement Will Be Televised

December 28th, 2011 // 20 Comments
Kim Kardashian Butt Bikini
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Best of 2011
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Welcome to the magical time between Christmas and New Year’s when The Superficial lazily rehashes all the posts you sick sons of bitches couldn’t get enough of. This year, in lieu of a Top 10, we’ve decided to break it down by the best post of each month so we can all relive the joy and majesty of 2011, and more importantly, give me an extra two posts to phone in so I can sit around thumbing my Christmas loot.

JUNE

Entirely because I posted it with canned beach photos of Kris Humphries somehow lifting Kim Kardashian‘s two ton ass in defiance of Earth’s gravity, the completely non-surprising news that their engagement conveniently occurred in time to air on the sixth season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians was the top post in June. And looking back at these photos after all that’s happened these past few months, I can’t help but feel nostalgic for the more innocent days of only 75% of the world thinking Kim Kardashian is full of shit instead of 99%. Maybe that makes me something of a hipster, but dammit, things were cooler back then. Now making fun of Kim is all mainstream when it used to be about the pee jokes. *cracks open PBR, matches Go-Bot belt buckle with skinny jeans and He-Man T-shirt* Who’s dressed like a man now, dad?!

Posted: 6.2.2011

Original Post: Kim Kardashian’s Proposal Also Being Televised. Of Course.

Posted: 6.20.2011

Original Post: Steven Spielberg Fired Megan Fox From Transformers, And She’s in a Bikini

Photos: Flynet, GSI Media, Splash News

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Just Kidding. Lindsay Lohan’s Hosting a New Year’s Eve Party Now.

December 28th, 2011 // 30 Comments
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
Lindsay Lohan Beaumarchais New York City
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Yesterday, Dina Lohan essentially called TMZ and told them Lindsay was turning down offers to host New Year’s Eve parties because she’s responsible now and doesn’t want to risk violating her probation. So, of course, it turns out Lindsay’s actually hosting a New Year’s boat party in Dubai. Via Ahlan! Live:

It’s going to be a celeb-packed New Year in Dubai on board the legendary QE2. Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson and former England cricketer Allan Lamb are just some of the names confirmed to attend the celebrations on December 31 2011 on the vessel that is currently docked at the Port Rashid Cruise Terminal in the city.

Haha! She’s hosting parties with Pamela Anderson now. But on a serious note, I hope these people enjoy seeing Dina walk onboard, bite open a bottle of gin and inform them, “None of you understand. I’m not locked up in here with you. You’re locked up in here with me,” because that’s exactly how this thing’s going to play out. And a detour to Colombia.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

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Mischa Barton In A Bikini and Other News

December 28th, 2011 // 18 Comments
Mischa Barton Bikini
Mischa Barton Bikini
Mischa Barton Bikini
Mischa Barton Bikini
Mischa Barton Bikini
Mischa Barton Bikini
Mischa Barton Bikini
Mischa Barton Bikini
Mischa Barton Bikini
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Posted by Photo Boy

- Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson will not star in Mel Gibson‘s next project. [Huffington Post]

- Steven Tyler is determined to die nestled comfortably in young vagina. [Dlisted]

- Hugh Jackman is enjoying a completely heterosexual family stroll during the final week of his Broadway show. Wait. [Lainey Gossip]

- Note to Maria Menounos: When tweeting hot tub bikini pics, crop out your parents first. [Hollywood Tuna]

- How could Jesse James have even dreamed of being unfaithful to all of this? [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- Lily Aldridge doing what she does best in bikinis. [Popoholic]

- Alessandra Ambrosio is pregnant again. [TooFab]

- Rachel Uchitel is also crossing her fingers and praying to God this thing comes out white. [TMZ]

- Here’s a big gallery of random chicks in lingerie with a touch of Bar Refaeli and a hint of Candice Swanepoel. [theCHIVE]

- Hopefully Khloe can continue her voice-over work since moving to Dallas. [BuzzFeed]

- The Avengers is being converted to 3D in post. Oh, good. [FilmDrunk]

- Kelly Brook‘s sexy Santa gets the gold medal. [IDLYITW]

- Daniel Craig continues to be awesome in every way. [Bossip]

- LeAnn Rimes snowboards with the family, makes sure to tweet something about eating burgers. [Just Jared]

- Chris Evans says words about his body that don’t mean dick because he doesn’t mention HGH or steroids. [Starpulse]

- Snooki‘s boyfriend seems to really love her wealth, fame, easily accessible vagina… [Celebslam]

- The 20 Hottest Victoria’s Secret Galleries is the gift that keeps on giving. Boners. It gives boners is what I’m trying to say. [Heavy]

- 20 Reality Hotties Who Should Shack Up With An Athlete or fade quickly from existence. Either way I’m good. [Bleacher Report]

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Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

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BEST OF 2011: Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez Do It In The Ocean

December 28th, 2011 // 6 Comments
Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Sex Bikini
View the Gallery / 40 Photos »
Best of 2011
The Superficial Logo
The Superficial's Top Visited
Posts of 2011 Read More »

Welcome to the magical time between Christmas and New Year’s when The Superficial lazily rehashes all the posts you sick sons of bitches couldn’t get enough of. This year, in lieu of a Top 10, we’ve decided to break it down by the best post of each month so we can all relive the joy and majesty of 2011, and more importantly, give me an extra two posts to phone in so I can sit around thumbing my Christmas loot.

MAY

Do I seriously need to explain how this one was a top post? Here are Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez so blatantly on sex-cation in Hawaii, you can practically hear Selena say, “Stick it in, you little maple bitch,” through clenched teeth in every single shot. How she figured out his weakness is water, I’ll never know, but I bet it involved promises of gummy bears if not a skateboard. “Aw, no way, it has Batman on it and everything. Wait, why I can see your secret cave the Devil lives in? I NEED AN ADULT!”

Posted: 5.27.2011

Original Post: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Had Sex Last Night

Photo: Flynet, Splash News

Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Bikini
Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Bikini
Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Bikini
Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Bikini
Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Bikini
Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Bikini
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Of Course Kim Kardashian Glommed Onto The Madonna Badger Tragedy

December 28th, 2011 // 33 Comments
Kim Kardashian Haiti
Kim Kardashian Haiti
Kim Kardashian Haiti
Kim Kardashian Haiti
Kim Kardashian Haiti
Kim Kardashian Haiti
Kim Kardashian Haiti
Kim Kardashian Haiti
Kim Kardashian Haiti
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“But would he fit in Reggie’s old uniform?” she found herself thinking.

Just to bring everyone up to speed, here’s the horrific account of how former Calvin Klein marketing wizard Madonna Badger lost her three children and parents on Christmas morning in a tragic fire. Via New York Daily News:

Shortly after Madonna Badger and her boyfriend sat wrapping presents in the soft fireplace glow, the mother of three stood frantically screaming for help on the burning roof of her Connecticut mansion.
Badger, her boyfriend, her elderly dad and firefighters tried desperately to fight their way inside the blazing three-story home, but couldn’t overcome the soaring flames and searing heat.
The dead girl’s grandfather nearly pulled one trapped kid to safety, but he collapsed from carbon monoxide poisoning on a flat section of roof — and the two died just inches apart.
Lomer Johnson, 71, was found buried beneath blackened rubble just outside an open window near his granddaughter’s body.
“He died on the outside, and she died on the inside,” Stamford Fire Chief Antonio Conte said Monday. “She was right next to him.”

Absolutely gut-wrenching shit, so no wonder it became a top headline which naturally drew Kim Kardashian directly into its famey glow. Here’s what she posted to Twitter: More »

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BEST OF 2011: Vanessa Hudgens Got High On ‘White Chocolate’

December 28th, 2011 // 9 Comments
Vanessa Hudgens Coachella
View the Gallery / 40 Photos »
Best of 2011
The Superficial Logo
The Superficial's Top Visited
Posts of 2011 Read More »

Welcome to the magical time between Christmas and New Year’s when The Superficial lazily rehashes all the posts you sick sons of bitches couldn’t get enough of. This year, in lieu of a Top 10, we’ve decided to break it down by the best post of each month so we can all relive the joy and majesty of 2011, and more importantly, give me an extra two posts to phone in so I can sit around thumbing my Christmas loot.

APRIL

Every April, hundreds of rich, white kids slap on name brand clothes and flock to Coachella to pretend they’re wacky, anti-establishment hippies sticking it to The Man. (Read: Their dad who’s footing the bill.) This includes celebrities like Vanessa Hudgens who have nothing but time and money on their hands, so why not experiment with Molly or whatever the hell the white stuff is she’s rubbing into her mouth? While the obvious assumption would be it’s just salad dressing, her publicist actually tried to pass it off as white chocolate because there’s nothing like a bag of hot, melted confectionaries in the sweltering heat. I bet she ate it after a steaming bowl of soup then commented how heat exhaustion isn’t fun “unless you force it.”

Posted: 4.18.2011

Original Post: Vanessa Hudgens Got Wasted at Coachella

Photos: Pacific Coast News

Vanessa Hudgens Cocaine Drugs Coachella Bikini Ecstasy MDMA Molly
Vanessa Hudgens Cocaine Drugs Coachella Bikini Ecstasy MDMA Molly
Vanessa Hudgens Cocaine Drugs Coachella Bikini Ecstasy MDMA Molly
Vanessa Hudgens Cocaine Drugs Coachella Bikini Ecstasy MDMA Molly
Vanessa Hudgens Cocaine Drugs Coachella Bikini Ecstasy MDMA Molly
Vanessa Hudgens Cocaine Drugs Coachella Bikini Ecstasy MDMA Molly
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