Archive for November, 2011

Doug Hutchinson Quits Movie About Older Man Banging A Teenager, It ‘Concerned’ Him

November 29th, 2011 // 39 Comments

Doug Hutchinson might pose for pictures like these in a family-oriented setting, but actually provide him with acting work in a movie about an older man’s torrid love affair with an underage girl and you’ll see a man overcome with deep morals and conviction. He’s a churchgoer, for God’s sake. RadarOnline reports:

Doug was set to star in the movie The Genesis of Lincoln where he would play a man who is a director that has a “strange and scandalous relationship with the teenage pop star he casts,” according to the production company.
“I know it’s gonna surprise a lot of people to hear this,” writer/producer/director Richard O’Sullivan said about The Green Mile and Lost actor, “but Doug was legitimately concerned about some of the sexual content and how people might not be able to separate who he is as a person from the character he was playing.”

In Doug’s defense, the script might not accurately portray the very real and spiritual connection a middle-aged man can feel for a 16-year-old girl’s confused, yet unspoiled vagina. For example, it probably doesn’t even address the complicated dance of hearing your new child bride talk about her hopes and dreams while secretly knowing that her own mother essentially sold her into white slavery. Don’t get me wrong, you eventually tell her, because, seriously, again with the talking? They don’t make padlocks for basement doors like they used to. I can tell you that much.

Photos: GSI Media

So Who Wants To See Courteney Cox’s Underwear?

November 29th, 2011 // 27 Comments

It’s been a little depressing around here what with all the death and PETA ads actually working – Damn you, activism! *shakes fist* – so here’s Courteney Cox flashing the covering to her batcave in Beverly Hills yesterday which still makes her classier than every one of the goddamn golddiggers on Real Housewives. Courteney could save a Chevy symbol into her bush right in the middle of Rodeo, and some old guy with a monocle would say, “Mahvahlous. Simply mahvahlous,” then ask why Taylor Armstrong is allowed to walk on the sidewalk. “With those duck lips? Oh no no no no. Reginald, my elephant rifle. Post haste!”

Photos: Fame, INFdaily, Splash News

Patrice O’Neal Died (1969 – 2011)

November 29th, 2011 // 43 Comments

After suffering a stroke in October, there was little news about the condition of comedian Patrice O’Neal, and now we know the reason. His friends at The Opie & Anthony Radio Show announced Patrice died last night:

Yes it’s true that our pal Patrice O’Neal has passed away. The funniest and best thinker i’ve ever known PERIOD. #devastated

I don’t want to sit here and pretend like I’ve been a huge fan for years, but anytime I saw Patrice perform, whether a stand-up special or the Comedy Central Roasts, I always laughed. The guy was definitely one of the more talented comics out there.

Rest In Peace, Patrice.

Video After The Jump

Olivia Munn’s Nakedness Saved The Elephants

November 29th, 2011 // 79 Comments

When Olivia Munn posed nude for PETA (above) last year, I laughed it off as the blatant, self-serving publicity stunt it still is, especially when she showed up to the unveiling wearing leather boots like a goddamn idiot. Except it turns out the campaign actually worked, prompting federal investigators to fine Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus $270,000 for violating the Animal Welfare Act of 2007 which is apparently a thing. Via PETA:

PETA has been after the USDA all this time to take action against Ringling for abusing the animals in its care. In recent meetings, we presented unequivocal evidence of animal abuse, including beatings, the death of a lion, lame elephants forced to perform despite chronic pain, and a baby elephant who died during a training routine. We had recently filed a new formal request for action against Ringling, and our attorneys had met with the USDA’s general counsel and urged her to begin enforcement proceedings.
PETA presented testimonial and photographic evidence that baby elephants at Ringling’s training compound are torn away from their mothers and subjected to violent training sessions so that they will learn how to perform tricks, as well as video footage from a PETA investigation showing how elephants used by Ringling are whipped, beaten, and yanked by heavy, sharp steel-tipped bullhooks behind the scenes, prior to performing.

Thanks to an emotional, tear-filled night watching Water For Elephants over a cup of chamomile tea, I can now sleep at night knowing these noble anima

Oh, good, we spent taxpayer money making sure elephants aren’t being whipped. Phew! And for a second there, that money almost went to feeding humans. God, that would’ve sucked. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating cruelty to animals, but I’m also not advocating wasting a ton of time and energy while people are experiencing record unemployment and mass foreclosures. So as a solution, I propose a woman in a skintight catsuit runs around freeing animals from the circus whenever a guy dressed like a bat isn’t doing her, and/or an alien from Krypton with super strength from our yellow sun occasionally grabs a ringmaster’s whip right before he strikes a sick elephant. I think you’ll find my proposal fair, yet practical.

Adding… Patton Oswalt has a great bit about the circus on Finest Hour that I can’t seem to find an embed to, but definitely scope it out because it’s way funnier than whatever the hell I just said.

Photos: PETA, Splash News

What’s Up, Charlize Theron? And Other News

November 29th, 2011 // 15 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

- Seth Rogen was also butt-hurt by the Academy’s mishandling of the genius James Franco. [Huffington Post]

- Demi Lovato‘s hair falling out on stage isn’t good for a variety of reasons, even if it was just a weave. [Dlisted]

- Sam Mendes was cheating on Kate Winslet with this. [Lainey Gossip]

- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is ready for her strip-search. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Imogen Thomas‘s bikini calendar shoot has a video, too. Neat. [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- Rose McGowan is trying to get her body as tight as her face. (It’s working.) [Popoholic]

- Surely Miley Cyrus‘ bra will convince conservatives to let gays marry. [TooFab]

- Charlie Sheen : Vacation in Columbia :: Jerry Sandusky : Part-time job as Mall Santa. [TMZ]

- You don’t know Rachel Spence, but you’re glad that Twitter does. [theCHIVE]

- Mike Tyson is singing on Brazilian television now. [BuzzFeed]

- Here’s a video of Suge Knight right before a bunch of murder happened. [Bossip]

- That time Nic Cage was on the cover of a Serbian Biology textbook. [FilmDrunk]

- Reese Witherspoon‘s husband is going to have to start answering some serious questions. [Just Jared]

- Olivia Garson and Charlize Theron have a lot in common. [Celebslam]

- The 20 Awesomest Animal Photobombs are why we’re still allowed to have an Internet. [Heavy]

- Who the Best Athletes in the World Should Date *Jerry Sandusky crosses fingers* (2 Sandusky jokes? You’re goddamn right.) [Bleacher Report]

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Photo: Fame, Getty, INFdaily, Splash News

Jessica Simpson: ‘I Get My Glow From Sweat!’

November 29th, 2011 // 18 Comments

Perhaps because her life has become a dark, desolate cage thanks to a lack of corn syrup and Funyuns, Jessica Simpson has become one of America’s deepest philosophers now even though these photos of her shopping at GaGa’s Workshop last night are basically the equivalent of shoving her head up her vagina and screaming “FUCK YOU!” into her unborn baby’s face. Via Just Jared:

“People always say that when you’re pregnant, you glow, but I say it’s because of all the sweating you do!”

What’s truly amazing about that quote is the fact that the very next sentence somehow wasn’t this:

[SNOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRTT.]

Journalism used to be an art. That’s all I’m saying.

Photos: Splash News