Archive for October, 2011

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 49

October 29th, 2011 // 8 Comments
Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Dress
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Welcome to the 49th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you on a snowy, nor’eastah morn. I honestly can’t remember it snowing before October here in shithole Pennsylvania, so I’m going to take it as sign that Justin Bieber is ready to start the maple rapture and ascend us all into a really sweet roller skating party where I’m hearing talks of lazer tag and, aw snap, Spin the Bottle!

Someone’s gettin’ maple pregnant,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Flynet

Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Dress
Eva Longoria Full Body Scan
Kim Kardashian Butt Leather Pants
Ali Lohan Lindsay Lohan
Shauna Sand Pumpkin Patch
Michael Lohan Mugshot
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The Crap We Missed – Friday 10.28.11

October 28th, 2011 // 23 Comments
Kat Dennings Cleavage GQ
Kristina Shannon Butt Miniskirt
Joe Manganiello
Karissa Shannon Butt Minidress
Leighton Meester Minidress
Janice Dickinson Butt Tight Jeans
Shia LaBeouf Cap And Gown
Zachary Quinto Scarf
Jennifer Tilly Cleavage
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Kat Dennings has boobs. Not sure if you heard.

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed featuring buy one, get one free Shannon twin butts, some hot beef for the ladies, Jennifer Tilly doing her best Roseanne impression (That was uncalled for, you’re right.) and a Final Five that will make you hate Leonardo DiCaprio even more, but me not so much because it’s only a matter of time until Blake Lively ricochets off Ryan Reynold‘s firm, chiseled abs and straight into my puny twig-arms.

Literally any minute now,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, Splash News, WENN

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Alright, Who Gave Britney Spears Roids?

October 28th, 2011 // 103 Comments
Britney Spears London O2 Arena
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Here’s Britney Spears performing in London last night where on top of a protein-heavy diet so she can continue playing linebacker for the Rams, someone clearly thought it’d be a great idea to combine her retard strength with a steady intake of steroids. Because once you see an entire McDonald’s cracked in half for not serving breakfast, you kind of want to see an Arby’s go down next. It’s a disease.

Photos: Splash News

Britney Spears Steroids Fat London O2 Arena Gut
Britney Spears Steroids Fat London O2 Arena Gut
Britney Spears Steroids Fat London O2 Arena Gut
Britney Spears Steroids Fat London O2 Arena Gut
Britney Spears Steroids Fat London O2 Arena Gut
Britney Spears Steroids Fat London O2 Arena Gut
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Christian Bale & Joseph Gordon-Levitt For Your ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Speculating

October 28th, 2011 // 46 Comments
Christian Bale Joseph Gordon Levitt Dark Knight Rises
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“Holy Spock eyes, Batman!”

If you’re trying to avoid any spoilers for The Dark Knight Rises now would be a good time to skip this post and possibly forget you just saw Christian Bale and Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s characters filming a scene together in New York this morning.

Are the nerds gone yet? Okay, good, now let’s talk about nerd shit. More »

Joseph Gordon Levitt Christian Bale The Dark Knight Rises
Joseph Gordon Levitt Christian Bale The Dark Knight Rises
Joseph Gordon Levitt Christian Bale The Dark Knight Rises
Joseph Gordon Levitt Christian Bale The Dark Knight Rises
Joseph Gordon Levitt Christian Bale The Dark Knight Rises
Joseph Gordon Levitt Christian Bale The Dark Knight Rises
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Kenny From ‘Real World/Road Rules’ Allegedly Raped Tonya With A Toothbrush

October 28th, 2011 // 88 Comments
Kenny Santucci Real World Road Rules
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Welcome to another exciting edition of MTV is the goddamn devil. This time around, Real World/Road Rules castmember Tonya Cooley is suing MTV after producers allegedly stood by – and filmed – while castmates Kenny Santucci (above) and Evan Starkman raped her with a toothbrush. Although, in their defense, they did clean her vagina with it first which apparently is the polite thing to do in Shitbag Rapist Land. It’s practically the highest honor. TMZ reports:

Tonya Cooley filed the suit against MTV, Bunim/Murray Productions, Kenneth Santucci, Evan Starkman and others … claiming the two guys “took another male participant’s toothbrush and rubbed the toothbrush around plaintiff’s genitals, including rubbing her labia and inserting the toothbrush into plaintiff’s vagina.”
Cooley says it all happened while she was passed out cold … and cameras were rolling
Cooley says producers not only knew about the rape, they even replaced the toothbrush, but never told her what happened.

And if you’ve always suspected the entire set of Real World/Road Rules is a rape bonanza, surprise! The entire set of Real World/Road Rules is a rape bonanza. I’m sorry, “alleged” rape bonanza. And school of sexual assault dentistry: More »

Tonya Cooley Real World Toothbrush Rape
Tonya Cooley Real World Toothbrush Rape
Tonya Cooley Real World Toothbrush Rape
Tonya Cooley Real World Toothbrush Rape
Tonya Cooley Real World Toothbrush Rape
Tonya Cooley Real World Toothbrush Rape
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Patton Oswalt Vs. Phoebe Price

October 28th, 2011 // 55 Comments
Phoebe Price Pumpkin Patch
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When comedian Patton Oswalt thought it’d be an adorable idea to take his two-year-old daughter to Mr. Bones Pumpkin Patch for some fall family fun last night, he clearly wasn’t aware that with the changing of the leaves also comes the whoring of the gourds. This led him straight into the path of Phoebe Price, a lesser known species of shaunasandicus flashavaginacus, prompting him to document his experience on Twitter:

Dear Gross, Over-Sexualized Reality Star Nobody Currently at Mr. Bones’ Pumpkin Patch, Posing for The Photogs You Hired To Come: Please Die
Seriously, this is a place for little kids and this mildew-ey swamp slut is treating it like an FHM shoot. I have no idea who she is.
This is so sad. She’s got some hag-like publicist throwing her toys to pose with. Dressed like a “sexy” pirate. Fuck. Off.
NO WAY am I taking a picture of this silicon-chested scarecrow. I DO want to gather some goose shit from the petting zoo & pelt her.
We’ve left. She’s still there, on top of inflatable skeleton slide posing like a goddamn spaz. Skeezy redhead. Don’t know name, don’t care.
The movie monster who scared me the most as a child was Pippi Longstocking.

If you think I’m following Patton Oswalt, clearly you’ve never read a single thing on this site. My last punchline was equating Tootsie Rolls with black penises. Do you know how many pictures of tits I’ll need to make up for that? 28. It’s 28. I have charts.

Photo: Fame, Splash News

Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
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