Archive for October, 2011

The (Halloween) Crap We Missed

October 31st, 2011 // 11 Comments

Welcome to a Halloween edition of The Crap We Missed featuring.. well, more celebrities in Halloween costumes. But they’re also mixed in with shots of Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt hosting their respective parties because unlike Kelly Brook, these two actually got in the holiday spirit. (You pissed on Jesus’ grave, lady. You pissed on it good.) I also tossed in a Final Five to ease us back into the day-to-day journalistic endeavors of The Superficial before I mentally check out for Thanksgiving around Wednesday.

Wait, this one’s not a costume. Dammit, Photo Boy…

- The Superficial

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Photo: Fame, Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

Lindsay Lohan Got New Teeth

October 31st, 2011 // 72 Comments

In all the hubbub over Halloween and Kim Kardashian’s divorce that really shouldn’t be surprising because if there’s one thing Armenians crave, it’s clever scams to get free coffeemakers (I’m onto you.), Lindsay Lohan tweeting a pic of her new teeth almost got lost in the mix. Which really isn’t as important as reminding everyone she needed new teeth in the first place because the old ones disintegrated thanks to a steady diet of drugs and dicks. That’s the real story here. “The hard news,” if I can use my reporter voice.

Now, what’s the over/under on this pair? Two weeks? A month? Falling out by Friday? I should really watch Breaking Bad, I know.

Photos: Twitter, INFdaily

Kim Kardashian Wouldn’t Move to Minnesota, Is The Bullsh*t Excuse

October 31st, 2011 // 131 Comments

With Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries‘ divorce confirmed by E! News, it was only a matter of time until story lines from the show are passed off as actual events that happened in real life instead of scripted horseshit written for gullible rubes. And here we are. Via TMZ:

We’re told Kris was passionate about eventually settling down in Minnesota, where he’s from … and believed Kim was on board with the plan. She wasn’t.
Sources tell us Kim — who’s from L.A. — wants to stay near her family … and she also feels that staying in town is the best thing for her career.
So why didn’t this conversation come up before the $10 million wedding? We’re told the two talked about their future … but got caught up in the hooplah and figured they would simply figure it out after they tied the knot.

“Hey, where we gonna live? Aw, fuck it. Let’s get married first and I’ll just assume you’ll be a kind, considerate wife not at all obsessed with whoring your ass for the highest price every waking hour.”

Wow, I’m genuinely shocked that didn’t work out, except wait, it never happened just like this next tidbit about Kris Humphries being “bummed” because he’s very religious and “doesn’t believe in divorce”: More »

Courtney Stodden Made Doug Be A Tranny, Too. They’re Twinsies!

October 31st, 2011 // 96 Comments

Nope. Nothing phallic here.

“Transluctently we trolloped trannily through tranquil traps of tremendous trembles, trying our trustiest to transpire into true T-Rexes of tri-nificient treasure-love. – That was Maya Angelou, you guys XOXO”

Photos: GSI Media

BREAKING: Kim Kardashian Filing For Divorce From Kris Humphries

October 31st, 2011 // 134 Comments

Saturday night, Kim Kardashian told People magazine that, “That no matter what we do, there’s going to be rumors,” when asked why she wasn’t with him for her Halloween party or basically ever. Turns out that meant she already had divorce papers together and is filing them this morning, according to TMZ:

We’re told even though the marriage was short, she will not seek an annulment. It’s a garden variety divorce, in which Kim cites “irreconcilable differences.”
We’re told the date of separation is listed as today, Oct. 31, 2011.

And why not? The E! special just aired and she already banked close to $20 million for a couple of hours of pretending to plan a wedding. People don’t know how hard it is to keep up the facade of fake marriage for two whole months. It’s a miracle she survived.

Adding… If you still believe a single thing that happens on these hairbags’ shows is real, bullets are food now. Superman wanted me to tell you that, and it seemed really important. You could tell by the way his cape was all bunched up.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

We Should Give Sophie Turner Her Land Back and Other News

October 31st, 2011 // 36 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

- Beynoce‘s kid will one day run this motha. [ICYDY]

- Justin Timberlake might ruin a Coen brothers movie for me. [Huffington Post]

- Elisabetta Canalis talks about George Clooney and his “fatherly” affections. [Dlisted]

- Charlie Sheen still gets to be incredibly rich and famous. Oh, good. [Lainey Gossip]

- Celebrity TwitPics including Oprah and Kathy Griffin wearing the scariest Halloween masks I’ve ever seen. [TooFab]

- But Jenna Jameson‘s Twitter beats them all. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Celebrity Fame-Whores have been slutting it up for Halloween for years. [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- While Selena Gomez‘s fans get to enjoy her “Chesty Chola” character all year long. [Popoholic]

- Celebrities in the 90s Vs. Now: Based on which I conclude that Halle Berry is also a Civil War vampire. [theCHIVE]

- Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s love-child dressed as Conan the Barbarian. No, Really. [TMZ]

- Hilary Swank got paid to party with a war criminal. [FilmDrunk]

- Geri Halliwell really wants your mom to start wearing lingerie is what I guess this is all about. [IDLYITW]

- James McAvoy farted on Angelina Jolie. Ha! Farts are so funny, seriously though its Halloween, what kind of stories were you expecting? [Starpulse]

- Which brings me to The 20 Hottest Photos of Tiffany Toth. [Heavy]

- Playmates vs. Porn Stars: Who Has the Hotter WAGs?: Serious times call for serious discussions, people. [Bleacher Report]

- How the 1% celebrates Halloween. I don’t think I understand Occupy Wall Street at all. [BuzzFeed]

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Photo: Pacific Coast News

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