Archive for September, 2011

‘Teen Mom’ Farrah’s Still Putting Her Implants in Bikinis

September 29th, 2011 // 44 Comments

If you’re wondering if Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham is still posing for bikini photos while her child plays with her implants, the answer is yes. Yes, she is. And if you’re wondering if “Teen Mom Farrah” and “implants” are popular search terms, that would somehow also be a yes. What? Just because I didn’t teen impregnate, I can’t be a whore, too? That’s racist.

Photo: INFdaily, Splash News

Ashton Kutcher Denies Cheating Rumors (Sort Of), Demi Moore Just Acts Weird

September 29th, 2011 // 38 Comments

As Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore‘s marriage appears to be turning into whatever kind of dust Demi’s made out of, the two have remained uncharacteristically quiet about the the latest cheating rumors. Or at least were until Ashton fired off the following tweet early this morning:

#nowplaying open.spotify.com/track/1i8rqFjs…

That link sends you to Public Enemy’s “Don’t Believe The Hype” which either is a cryptic message about the tabloid reports, or Ashton Kutcher really is as big of a douche as his Twitter bio suggests. In the meantime, Demi Moore posted the above photo with the following caption:

I see through you….

Nope, nothing to read into that. Just your normal everyday photo caption with absolutely no deeper meaning lying underneath. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to line myself with lead before Demi Moore sees my pancreas. Apparently she sees through shit.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News, Twitter

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 9.28.11

September 28th, 2011 // 35 Comments

I know we ran a LeAnn Rimes pic for yesterday’s banner, but c’mon.

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring Jennifer Aniston reminding us all why she’s famous (True story: Those bra cups are made from Kevlar.), Leelee Sobieski attempting a GaGa, the elusive Robstew and KPat together in one post which makes them married and finally a version of Robin the way he was meant to be: A gay Latino boy whose costume makes Joel Schumacher look so straight he circled back to loving penis again.

Holy Care To Explain Why He Really Needs Kneepads, Batman?

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

This Is Kim Kardashian’s Bowling Outfit

September 28th, 2011 // 50 Comments

Kim Kardashian went bowling last night and I’m just going to take a shot in the dark here and say the leather ruffles made her a more efficient, aerodynamic urinal which is probably the greatest compliment I’ve ever paid her. I practically called her science.

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News

Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore Are Probably Getting A Divorce

September 28th, 2011 // 47 Comments

So remember when Demi Moore tweeted a naked picture of her back, and I jokingly insinuated it’s because Ashton Kutcher cheated again? Funny story… Here she is looking gaunt as hell at the premiere of Five on Monday admidst rumors he banged another chick who immediately ran to a lawyer to cash in. On top of that, the two have apparently hit the brakes on their normal amount of insane tweeting and spent their anniversary apart. People reports:

On Sept. 23, Moore shared a quote from Greek philosopher Epictetus, writing, “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”
The pair also spent their sixth wedding anniversary – Sept. 24 – apart.
Kutcher arrived in San Diego on Sept. 23 for a weekend of partying with his former That ’70s Show costar Danny Masterson. Among their stops: Fluxx nightclub, where they had a VIP table. The actor also refrained from Tweeting anything on his wedding anniversary.

What I find amazing is that Ashton and Demi study Kabbalah while his best friend Danny Masteron is a Scientologist, yet none of them could solve the age old conundrum of, “New vagina is better than old vagina.” It’s almost as if they’re both fad religions that don’t really do anything, but that can’t be right. Madonna is clearly a better person because of Kabbalah, and John Travolta only doomed one son because Scientology thinks antidepressants steal your space-soul. Had it been three or four, then maybe people should be a little more skeptical. Maybe.

Photos: Splash News

No One Wants To Hire Kate Gosselin

September 28th, 2011 // 73 Comments

“I want you to answer this honestly: Is porn mediocre?”

This may come as a shock, but the TV offers haven’t rolled in at all for Kate Gosselin which is weird considering America’s shortage of shrill, white Christian women who will never admit they’re wrong. She’s practically an endangered species. HuffPost Celebrity reports:

“She has approached many different networks, including pitching a travel show idea to her old network, TLC, but so far no one has said yes,” an insider tells me. “She assumed that given her fame, producers and networks would be knocking her over with job offers and is, to say the least, very surprised that she hasn’t received a single one.”

And let’s just slap a little icing on this cake:

Like many reality stars Kate is in a very difficult position,” a reality show casting director tells me. “Who wants to go back to a real day job after being paid to work three or four months a year. Everyone I have ever met on a reality show thinks it will never end. They quit their day jobs and assume they will become rich and famous. They do become infamous [but] — with the exception of Bethenny Frankel — they never become rich. Plus, who is going to hire them for a real job after they have made a fool out of themselves on TV?

CUSTOMER: Tall caramel macchiato, please.
KATE: I have eight kids. How dare you ask me to make that?!
MANAGER: Kate? Can I speak to you for a minute?
KATE: *walks into back room*
MANAGER: I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it. You don’t work here, so I need you to stop going behind the counter and putting on the headsets.
KATE: But you hired me the other day.
MANAGER: No, I hired you, but then you asked if we could pretend I didn’t and just let you stand around looking like a customer which I used as an opportunity to inform you rubbing my testicles with your foot is considered assault and asked you to leave.
KATE: Nope, no, I distinctly remember you agreeing to pay me money to feed my eight children.
MANAGER: Then I’m telling TMZ you’re an employee here.
KATE: I’ll be good! I’ll be good! This is me leaving.

Photos: INFdaily