Archive for September, 2011

The Crap We Missed – Friday 9.30.11

September 30th, 2011 // 33 Comments
Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
David Hasselhoff Burger Joint
Robert Pattinson Scruffy Beard
Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr Runway
Christina Ricci Bathrobe
Vanessa Hudgens Bra
Prince William
Elton John David Furnish Dolphin
Kesha
View the Gallery / 27 Photos »

If this is a brochure for your school, now would be a good time to dropout and focus on how you’re going to wage emotional revenge on your parents over the next 20 years for sending you there because clearly they hate you.

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you early because there’s literally nothing going on and, well, it’s Friday. So here’s the long and short of it: The Munchkin Guild instructs Jay Z to tell Gwyneth Paltrow her children’s garments have been rendered – and maybe drive her to the Piggly Wiggly, Orlando Bloom still can’t believe all this only cost him his first born son on his fifth birthday (They stop being cute after that anyway.) and the saddest moment in David Hasselhoff‘s entire life. I’m talking one of his daughters could die and he’d be like, “Remember when I couldn’t get a burger? Now that’s emotional turmoil that shakes you to very core.”

Attention all nerds who know who Vampirella is, you’ll need some spare Underoos handy,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

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Ashton Kutcher Isn’t Following Demi Moore On Twitter! OMFG!!!!11

September 30th, 2011 // 44 Comments
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
Ashton Kutcher Sara Leal Demi Moore Twitter
View the Gallery / 12 Photos »

The signs pointing toward Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore getting a divorce keep coming in. According to Page Six, he’s stopped following her on Twitter now because complicated adult relationships are always best-handled like you’re in fucking high school. On top of that, his alleged mistress Sara Leal (Who may or may not be the girl up top and/or the chick in these photos from back in June.) is already looking to cash in via paparazzi deals, if not a payout from Ashton. On that note, Chris Brown might want to take notes for his next all-male hookup — tomorrow. Dem bitches want paid!

A source told Page Six: “Sara is talking to multiple media outlets for a deal. She wants $250,000, but the offers haven’t been as high. What she really wants is to get a payoff from Ashton. She has reached out to Ashton’s team.”

Wait. You mean this woman only had sex with Ashton Kutcher for money? But he’s a clown-nosed collaborator of “thoughts, dreams, and actions” not to mention a self-important wearer of scarves. No, no, this just can’t be! MY WHOLE WORLD IS A LIE!

Photos: Pacific Coast News

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Martyn Confirms Gay Sex With Chris Brown, Tells Him To Come Out

September 30th, 2011 // 110 Comments
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
View the Gallery / 22 Photos »

“Too many men in audience.. must stop.. pelvic thrusting…”

Yesterday, allegedly leaked DMs between Chris Brown and R&B singer Martyn revealed the two allegedly had some kind of butt sex with Chris Brown being on the receiving end as almost everyone suspected. While the authenticity of the screencaps have been questioned, Martyn has now confirmed the DMs, along with the gay sex, but also says comments were added via Photoshop. At any rate, he’s reveling in the attention on Twitter along with basically telling Chris Brown (And Trey Songz, who he also allegedly banged.) to own up to it now because he’s going to keep talking. Here are some sample tweets from the 800 he sent last night: More »

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This Kristen Stewart ‘Snow White’ Movie Looks Alright All Of A Sudden

September 30th, 2011 // 73 Comments
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
Kristen Stewart Cleavage Snow White And The Huntsman
View the Gallery / 10 Photos »

Mmm… pale, mumbling emo cleavage.

Here’s Kristen Stewart on the set of Snow White and the Huntsman yesterday which apparently is going to feature medieval boobery along with all those other pics of her running around in knight’s armor. Also it looks like her breasts have the power to heal horses, so I hope nobody considers that a spoiler because it’s how the movie ends.

SNOW WHITE: And now my trusty steed, to heal you with a touch… *touches horse as a glowing white light surrounds them both, slowly the horse begins to change into a man*
ROBERT PATTINSON: Bella?
SNOW WHITE: Edward!
ROBERT PATTINSON: Will you sparkle-marry me?
SNOW WHITE: I will!
9/11: Too late, I’m killing you both. Eeerrrooooowwwww! BOOM!

The End.

(Can you tell I sat through Remember Me? God, what a pile of dick-AIDS.)

Photos: INFdaily

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Everyone’s A Vampire From The Civil War

September 30th, 2011 // 30 Comments
John Travolta Vampire
John Travolta Vampire
John Travolta Vampire
John Travolta Vampire
John Travolta Vampire
View the Gallery / 5 Photos »

Apparently this is going to be the new Internet fad, so here’s another one of those historical time-traveling vampire photos, this time featuring John Travolta. Although I’m not a sucker for the liberal media’s lies and know this is just time-traveling Nicolas Cage wearing John Travolta’s face so he can bang his wife and let’s assume slaves. In the meantime, I’m encouraged that photos of Madonna haven’t shown up considering she was the spry young age of 1,500 during the Civil War. This means her ability to not be photographed has diminished, presumably along with her other powers. We’ll have her talons yet!

Photos: Pacific Coast News

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Taylor Lautner Wants To Know Whatchoo Talkin’ Bout and Other News

September 30th, 2011 // 16 Comments
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
Taylor Lautner El Hormiguero
View the Gallery / 10 Photos »

Posted by Photo Boy

- Steve Carell is taking a not-at-all cliche dramatic turn with his acting. [Huffington Post]

- STOP THE PRESSES! Zahara got her ears pierced. (Read: Brad and Angelina are getting married.) [Dlisted]

- Penn Badgley is keeping it warm for Michael Fassbender. [Lainey Gossip]

- Cameron Diaz hot-looking photos that can only be explained as more of those “civil war vampire” dealies. [Hollywood Tuna]

- The paparazzi remember how Hilary Duff receives a gift. [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- Salma Hayek used to do this better. [Popoholic]

- Like this, exactly like this. [theCHIVE]

- LeAnn Rimes explains to Ellen how pointing out her adulterous affair and anorexia is essentially bullying. [TooFab]

- Chris Brown is designing workout equipment now too? [Videogum]

- In a perfect world, this is the only press that Charlie Sheen should have gotten. [BuzzFeed]

- Rihanna‘s sexual assault on Ireland began with her pubic hair. No, really. [Bossip]

- Somewhere, Darren Aronofsky is sobbing uncontrollably into a white silk scarf. [Heavy]

- The new Avengers cover of EW uncomfortably crams all six heroes into an awkward, jumbled-looking mess, which surely isn’t an allusion to what a train wreck of a movie this is going to be. [FilmDrunk]

- The 20 Sexiest Bad Luck Hotties in Sports [Bleacher Report]

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Photo: Splash News

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