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Based on two varying reports in Life & Style and Page Six, it’s safe to say Shia LaBeouf got some level of shitfaced Friday night either while partying with Marilyn Manson or in his general vicinity. So let’s go with the Life & Style version because I’ve often wondered it’d be like if Marilyn Manson spoonfed Shia LaBeouf absinthe which is exactly what happened here:

“Shia picked up a water bottle and shot a mouthful of water all over his seated date’s legs.
“Then he put more water in his mouth and started spitting it all over his tablemates, including Marilyn Manson. He seemed wasted.”
But according to the witness, neither his date, his friends nor Marilyn could calm Shia down — even after Marilyn offered a fist bump, as if to say everything was fine.
“People started taking their seats in front of the stage at the event, but all of a sudden Shia started shouting at his date and getting visibly angry,” the eyewitness tells Life & Style. Then he headed for the door. “He lunged through the very thick seated crowd, and the crowd pleaded with him and encouraged him to sit down. They tried to hold him back — but he kept struggling through.”
And the audience at the event got more than just the show it came to see. “Shia had to climb over people and tear himself out of the grasp of various strangers who were trying to keep him from going crazy,” the eyewitness says. “His date panicked and ran out after him. Marilyn looked shocked and annoyed but stayed seated. Shia and the girl did not return.”

Can you even imagine what it must’ve been like to be Shia LaBeouf during all this? One day you’re on top of the world having sex with Megan Fox, and then the next you’re Marilyn Manson’s kid brother who can’t handle a gargoyle head full of absinthe. Christ, he even put a nipple on it. An 8th century wrought iron nipple, but a nipple nonetheless.

Photo: Fame, Pacific Coast News