Archive for July, 2011

Bane Looks Like This Now

July 31st, 2011 // 37 Comments

“I don’t know what raped me worse: The traffic or your quarterback. OH! But, seriously, folks, I’m here to talk about emphysema…”

I guess I should’ve started this whole post off with *SPOILER ALERT* because here’s Tom Hardy in his full Bane getup on The Dark Knight Rises set in Pittsburgh on Saturday where apparently he’s going to stand-up comedy Batman to death? No, that’s The Joker’s schtick. Shakespeare in the Park him to death? Have a poetry slam?

*breathes into paper bag*

Christopher Nolan knows what he’s doing. Christopher Nolan knows what he’s doing. Christopher Nolan knows what he’s doing. Katie Holmes was just a fluke. Katie Holmes was just a fluke. Katie Holmes was just a fluke. Katie Holmes was just a fluke…

NOTE: Also added pics of The Batmobile that you should probably not look at if you’re trying to avoid spoilers. But for those that do, I like how they made it blend right in with Western Pennsylvania. All that’s missing is fries, cole slaw and a tall, cold I.C. Light that tastes like river piss. (Some Yinzer humah fer the locals.)

Photos: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 38

July 30th, 2011 // 15 Comments

Welcome to the 38th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet loaded to maximum capacity with your comments because, and I mean this, you people are the real stars, except when it’s paycheck time and then you’re all mopeds. “McFeely who? I have no idea what that person looks like pantsless behind a Chinese buffet…” On that note, if I haven’t mentioned this before, we’re in the process of putting together a brand new photo gallery experience along with a much better commenting system, so soon, Internet Jesus willing, all of our penis jokes can fly into this site like Tila Tequi- Wow! I’m gonna stop right there. I already said her name twice this morning, and you don’t want to know what happens when you say it a third time. (Chlamydia. You get chlamydia.)

Tally ho,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Pacific Coast News

The Crap We Missed – Friday 7.29.11

July 29th, 2011 // 24 Comments

Where the hell did that thing come from? Oh, right, all the Starbucks.

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed: Ass Edition which “ends” – There was no excuse for that. – our week with Kelly Brook‘s back bosom, Deena Cortese still bending over, I don’t even want to know and an incredible, if not adulterous, example of how every pregnant butt should be obsessively sculpted on a daily basis, along with Lady Gaga providing suggested uses for said butt.

I’ll be the drummer,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Amy Winehouse’s Dad Gave Her Clothes To Fans, Why Does That Sound Familiar?

July 29th, 2011 // 32 Comments

Ah, yes:

On June 29, 1763, a week after the siege began, Bouquet was preparing to lead an expedition to relieve Fort Pitt when he received a letter from Amherst making the following proposal: “Could it not be contrived to send the smallpox among the disaffected tribes of Indians? We must on this occasion use every stratagem in our power to reduce them.
Bouquet agreed, writing back to Amherst on July 13, 1763: “I will try to inoculate the bastards with some blankets that may fall into their hands, and take care not to get the disease myself.” Amherst responded favorably on July 16, 1763: “You will do well to inoculate the Indians by means of blankets, as well as every other method that can serve to extirpate this execrable race.
As it turned out, however, officers at the besieged Fort Pitt had already exposed the Indians in just the manner Amherst and Bouquet were discussing. During a parley at Fort Pitt on June 24, 1763, Captain Simeon Ecuyer gave representatives of the besieging Delawares two blankets and a handkerchief from the smallpox ward “out of regard to them” after the Delawares pledged to renew their friendship. While the exact meaning of his phrase was unclear, a later invoice appears to clearly establish the purpose was transmittal of small pox.

In Mitch’s defense, the place was crawling with gypsies. I don’t see how he had a choice.

Photo: INFdaily, WENN

Why Doesn’t Selena Gomez Look More Pregnantish?

July 29th, 2011 // 45 Comments

Last month, I spent what some might call an “unhealthy, if not pathological” amount of time trying to prove Justin Bieber put a baby in Selena Gomez. And others might say I obsessively made charts and graphs and graphs of charts before delivering babies in the San Fernando Valley for an entire week under an assumed name. (Dr. Pepe Pantalones Fuerte, for those of you lucky enough to experience my speculum.) So imagine my psychological episode surprise to see Selena performing in Florida last night looking almost exactly like she did six weeks ago. Granted, if Teen Mom has taught us anything, it’s that getting teen pregnant is tits because your body barely even registers it, so I’m just going to assume it’s that while suggesting this photo is her getting ready to push. Why onstage, you ask? Probably a new fad like planking or not learning about condoms because it makes Jesus emoticon frowny face. I can’t keep up with them all.

Photo: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

It’s Not Wise To Flash A Wookiee

July 29th, 2011 // 20 Comments

“Hold still.. Wait, why don’t you have those dangly ball thingies like me?”

[Ed. Note: I also read somewhere that Wookiees can smell menstruation, but that could just be me mangling another movie quote. Wouldn't put it past me.]

Photo: Splash News, WENN

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