Archive for June, 2011

Mac Gained 50 Lbs. For ‘It’s Always Sunny’ Just to Be Funny

June 28th, 2011 // 41 Comments

Can we stop pretending he isn’t Haley Joel Osmont yet? No? Oh, alright… *kicks can*

Apparently there’ve been some complaints about the cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia looking too skinny because people don’t understand that everyone in LA does absolutely nothing but workout and think of new ways to make jeans tighter. So, to remedy that fact, Rob McElhenney (above) decided to slap on 50 pounds because he’d thought be hilarious. People reports:

McElhenney, who plays Mac, apparently did it to fuel more of the show’s rude, dumb-and-dumber humor when Philadelphia returns in September. He posted a note on Facebook: “Fat Mac for Season 7?”
“It’s been disgusting to watch him go through with this adventure,” costar Charlie Day told the online site Screen Junkies. “We were a little on the fence about it for his own personal health and safety, but it has definitely made Mac a lot funnier.”

Of course, a bunch of women are going to point out that, sure, it’s hilarious when a guy does it, but if an actress did the same thing, her career would be over and she’d become a social pariah. To which I say, yup, and if you try to change it, an angel gets raped. (Yes, I’m going to use that for everything.)

Photo: Splash News

Katie Holmes is Becoming Self-Aware

June 28th, 2011 // 48 Comments

“Oh, he’s gay, haha! I get it now.”

Seen here showing a wide range of emotions that suggest she’s more Thetan than alien race car driver now – *consults Dianetics* Nailed it. – Katie Holmes took the time from her own movie premiere to talk about how awesome Tom Cruise is or else he dresses Suri in an outfit from Old Navy because his heart is black and presumably full of angel rape. Via E! News:

Suri’s mom was lookin’ darn pretty in a Contrarian minidress and Lanvin stilettos at last night’s Los Angeles Film Festival closing-night screening of her latest movie, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. But we gotta admit, we were a little more interested to find out what she thinks of hubby Tom Cruise’s work as an ’80s hair band singer in the Rock of Ages flick. “My husband,” Holmes gushed, “is blowing me away.”

“Blowing me away,” interesting word choice. Even moreso when compared to other comments Katie’s made about Tom’s performances in the past: More »

Michael Bay: ‘I’m, Like, a True American’
(*Actual Quote)

June 28th, 2011 // 41 Comments

Yesterday, I posted a link to GQ’s oral history of Michael Bay which I honestly didn’t read and skipped right to the Rosie Huntington-Whitely part. Well, explode my cock with C4, was that a mistake. Last night I actually took the time to read this thing, and Jesus Christ, is it full of Bayisms like this little gem:

Brad Fuller (partner, Platinum Dunes, Bay’s film company): The first time I saw Michael on a bigger set, he was doing a video, and there was the hottest blonde girl I’ve ever seen in my life, and she’s got a wind machine on her. She’s dancing, she looks hot, she’s wearing a short skirt. He’s shooting her from a low angle. And he looked at a few of us, and there was this look in his eyes, like he had reached nirvana. It was childlike wonderment.

And then he made her wash his Ferrari in the desert.

Because there’s nothing I enjoy more than forcing people to read shit I liked, I included some more excerpts below because this piece is literally everything you’d hope an article on Michael Bay would be right down to him almost detonating the entire island of Hawaii while filming Pearl Harbor. Also, it proves my fake date rape quotes would’ve blended in seamlessly which might be the entire point of this post if I were a lesser man, swayed by vanity. *looks in mirror* “You wanna strap a bomb to me, I’d strap a bomb to me…” More »

Pat Robertson: ‘Gay Marriage Will Lead to Angel Rape’

June 28th, 2011 // 154 Comments

…. Okay, maybe.

When we last left Pat Robertson he was a pot-smoking hippie calling for the legalization of marijuana. Six months of adjusting his medication later, he’s back to the old Pat we all know and love. This time around he’s seeing David Tyree’s anarchy talk and raising him angel rape. Via Mediaite:

This week, Robertson’s fear that America will be destroyed has been stirred by New York legalizing same-sex unions. On the 700 Club this week, Robertson reminded his audience that the last city known for homosexuality, Sodom, had residents willing to rape visiting angels.
“We need to remember the term sodomy came from a town that was known as Sodom, and Sodom was destroyed by God Almighty,” Robertson noted by way of explanation. Sodom’s sin, he noted, was “homosexual activity,” apparently a gateway drug to “tr[ying] to rape angels that came down there.”

Of course, most mainstream Christians will just dismiss Pat as one of “the crazy ones” who give Christianity a bad name except he’s quoting the fucking Bible which is always right. Turn with us now to the book of Genesis, chapter 19, verses one through 11: More »

Leopards Are Extinct Now and Other News

June 28th, 2011 // 31 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

- Anna Paquin is cool with her husband Stephen Moyer biting fans’ tits which proves marriage can work after all. [Celebslam]

- Ben Affleck is directing himself again. [Huffington Post]

- Jake Gyllenhaall was seen talking to Olivia Wilde. Conclusion: They’re banging. [Dlisted]

- Chloe Moretz has a natural ease in front of the camera. [Lainey Gossip]

- Not sure who Elle Liberachi is, but she’s definitely not a gay pianist. [Hollywood Tuna]

- JoJo is old enough for the high-end escort look now. Yay! [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- Hilary Duff will blow you for the engagement ring, but she’ll stomp your sac if the anniversary gift is sub-par. [Popoholic]

- And Kathy Griffin‘s sheer presence is enough to render all man parts useless. [TooFab]

- Women who would never have to be told to blow you before they get in the hot tub. [theCHIVE]

- Tom Hanks‘s son Chet Haze is murdering beats. And his father’s soul. [Videogum]

- Drake should consider himself lucky he’s not a woman in Chris Brown‘s car right now. [BuzzFeed]

- Anne Hathaway isn’t great at slinging insults. [The Fab Life]

- Cee Lo Green said, “Fuck You,” to Rihanna‘s tour! Ha, see what I did there? [Just Jared]

- According to the Internet, these women are masturbated to most often. [Bleacher Report]

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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News

Hugh Hefner Has Two Girlfriends Now

June 28th, 2011 // 48 Comments

“And no crust! Hurts my gums. Now someone turn up the phonograph, I’m feeble.”

Hugh Hefner can’t seem to get enough of us kids and our newfangled Twitter-ma-tron and spent yesterday sending emoticons to his second girlfriend Shera Bechard (above) because apparently powdering him has become a two bimbo job again. “You promised me efficiency, Depends!” is probably something that was said:

Shera is both our November 2011 Playmate & my new girlfriend, Sarah.RT @princessfox @hughhefner is Shera a new girlfriend or playmate

I like how the Shannon twins moved back in, yet Hugh remembered not to make them girlfriends again which is amazing considering he still thinks Eisenhower is the president. “What’s that? A colored fella? I don’t like funny business. Now, make these hussies dress like rabbits while I wear a sailor’s hat.”

Photo: Fame, Getty, Playboy