Archive for May, 2011

The Blake Lively Nude Photos Are ‘Fake’

May 31st, 2011 // 120 Comments

(Guess which person in this photo is me right before hearing the fake part.)

In what sounded like the exact M.O. of the hackers who released leaked photos of Vanessa Hudgens near the premiere of Sucker Punch, nude photos of Blake Lively that just hit the Internet this evening are already being declared fake by her rep, according to Celebuzz:

“The photos of Blake Lively which have just surfaced on various websites including Perez Hilton and Zap2it.com are 100 percent FAKE. Blake has never taken nude photos of herself. Blake will pursue legal action against the publication which initially published these photographs and any other outlets that republish them in any manner.”

Because I believe in journalism, I took the liberty of posting safe for work versions of Fake Blake anyway except that’s right about where my integrity ends because I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Picture a small boy on Christmas morning getting the one thing he begged and begged for, only to find out it’s a cleverly arranged pack of socks as his whole family laughs at him. That’s me right now. So, really, just a heartfelt thanks to everyone who wrote in on this. You certainly know how to touch a man. In the penis. With a knife.

NOTE: Egotastic has the uncensored versions for anyone who doesn’t work for Quakers.

Photos: Getty

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 5.31.11

May 31st, 2011 // 12 Comments

Know how I know airport security is an illusion? This got through.

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, jam-packed with a variety of celebrity random from the holiday weekend including:

Three midgets. (Uno, dos, tres.)
Two pregos. (Eins, zwei.)
One Pippa bra.
Michelle Rodriquez’s butt crack.
Some Minka nips.
And Carlton Banks.

Can you tell Daddy missed you?

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Snooki’s Wearing a Neck Brace Now

May 31st, 2011 // 60 Comments

After crashing into her police escort yesterday and refusing medical treatment at the scene, here’s Snooki suddenly requiring a neck brace in Italy today which I’m sure has absolutely nothing to do with the two police officers she put in the hospital having legal grounds to sue her, and everything to do with her not being accustomed to violently moving her neck back and forth. Definitely that last part. Us Magazine reports:

While Snooki is unlikely to face a criminal prosecution, she could be taken to court in a civil action suit by the two police officers injured in the crash. (The officers, ironically, were hired to escort the reality star through the ancient Italian city.)
“It was nothing serious and they have been released, but they will not be back at work for a week,” a Florence police spokesman said. Under Italian law, the male and female officer — who suffered whiplash injuries and cuts and bruises — have up to 90 days to decide whether to take civil action against Snooki.
As per Italian law, Snooki — having injured fellow motorists — automatically lost her license to drive in the country.

Granted, her pain in these photos is palpable, I love how Snooki tries to act like she got hurt, too, so why make-a with the lawsuits? Because getting injured suddenly makes you no longer responsible for your own actions, in this case, driving a moving vehicle into a parked car. I’m pretty sure that’s how that works. “Yes, your honor, my client did shoot the plaintiff, but for the record, the gun burnt his finger and it stings like a bitch. Move to dismiss.”

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News

Tori Spelling’s Pregnant, Gaping Chest Hole in a Bikini (a.k.a. Sexiest Post Ever)

May 31st, 2011 // 52 Comments

Apparently it’s Questionable Bikini Photos Day because here’s Tori Spelling in Malibu yesterday where I swear to God the hole in her chest is getting deeper. Seriously, what the hell is that thing? Did she specifically ask for breast implants that make it look like she took a mortar round to the chest, or is it just where Candy Spelling beats her with a croquet mallet because she can’t act? “Your father got you all those jobs and you resort to reality television?! *thwak* Just be happy he’s not alive to see this. *thwak thwak* And why don’t I ever see my grandkids? You make no sense to me, dearie. *thwak thwak thwak thwak*

Photo: Fame, INFdaily, Splash News

LeAnn Rimes Doesn’t Know What Abs Are

May 31st, 2011 // 67 Comments

LeAnn Rimes posted the above photo on Twitter over the weekend prompting the following exchange with a fan who expressed understandable concern that her favorite country artist is dying in front of her eyes:

@AJPaterson1987: Whoa, you’re scary skinny! Sorry don’t mean to offend but that’s a lot of bones showing through skin…
@leannrimes: those are called abs not bones love.
@AJPaterson1987: Maybe it’s just the pic, it just looks to me like your hip bones were protruding. Again didn’t mean to offend, I am a big fan x
@leannrimes: thx but this is my body and I can promise you I’m a healthy girl. I’m just lean. Thx for your concern but no need too be.

Look, I’m not a doctor or even a person who could name parts of the female anatomy with a gynecologist sitting on his shoulder, but that bitch’s got some bones sticking out of her. If Hitler had a time machine, he’d probably take this picture back to the past and go, “This. This is what I’m talking about. Make this stuff happen.”

Adding… Tossed in some pics of Audrina Patridge in a bikini because maybe looking at another horrifically emaciated chick with implants will help shed some light on things. Or at the very least, engulf our entire existence into the gap between her breasts so we don’t have to think about it anymore. Either one.

Photo: Twitter, Flynet

Leonardo DiCaprio & Blake Lively Are Practically Ninjas

May 31st, 2011 // 20 Comments

“Not only has covering my eyes with a hat prevented the paparazzi from taking my picture, it still offers complete visibi-” *walks into wall*

Here’s Leonardo DiCaprio and Blake Lively trying to pretend they didn’t just have sex by cleverly leaving a French hotel separately, and then heading in the exact same direction. It’s almost as if they pored over maps and escape routes all afternoon only to realize two celebrities rumored to be romantically involved won’t look at all suspicious coming out of a hotel minutes apart from each other. Especially if one shoves his entire face into hat, and the other tries to hide a giant grin because she used to watch Titantic every night for a month. You barely even notice them.

Photo: INFdaily, Splash News

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next »