Archive for March, 2011

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 3.31.11

March 31st, 2011 // 15 Comments

Even though it feels like we’ve hit everything from Ewoks to dick gummies, here’s today’s The Crap We Missed: John Mayer is a Colombian drug lord now. Wonder Woman is winning over fanboys one awkward, boner-in-her-thigh hug at a time. Hilary Swank apparently saw those Christina Hendricks pics, too. Kevin Spacey imagines the soft, delicate breeze of a well-placed teabag, and Mikhail Gorbachev looked this after seeing this.

In Russia the miss craps you,

- The Superficial

Click Here to Start The Gallery

Photos: Fame, Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Lindsay Lohan Snorting Coke Off The Sidewalk

March 31st, 2011 // 72 Comments

Here’s the clean and sober Lindsay™ outside a Manhattan club last night, and I don’t know how else to describe what’s happening here without going, “Wow, that chick’s snorting coke.” Granted, she might just be spectacularly drunk, so I should at least give Lindsay™ the benefit of the doubt that she didn’t blatantly violate her probation by ingesting drugs off a New York City sidewalk. For all I know, she set out that night to get illegally drunk in the most discrete way possible. “Only small, dainty nips from the boot flask,” she probably wrote in her diary next to a drawing of Samantha Ronson with an ice pick in her face as tiny hearts shoot out of the wound. “Sigh… will she ever propose?”

Photos: James Devaney/WireImage

BREAKING: Christina Hendricks’ Breasts Look Smaller

March 31st, 2011 // 83 Comments

Maybe because my first thought of Christina Hendricks is almost always this, her chest looks smaller to me in these pics. Of course, she could just be wearing clothes that actually fit her frame and/or finally followed through with all that dieting talk and, because God is a sick bastard, the behemoth jugs were the first to suffer. Which is why it’s very important you pay attention to me right now: Can a T-Shirt cannon fire cheeseburgers? I’m not saying I’m going to chase Christina Hendricks around town with one, but I’m also not not saying I’m going to hide in her closet and shoot them into her mouth while she’s sleeping.

Photos: Getty

Superman Had to Sit Through ‘Sucker Punch’ and Other News

March 31st, 2011 // 16 Comments

- Miley Cyrus hates that Rebecca Black song, too. [Popeater]

- Ashton Kutcher and Justin Bieber are making a buddy comedy that’s sure to blow Cop & 1/2 out of the water. [Dlisted]

- Cameron Diaz might be in Drew Barrymore‘s next movie which, judging from these pics, is a remake of Over The Top. [Lainey Gossip]

- Jenna Jameson is back on the porn track. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Kate Moss is naked in Vogue Japan. [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- Thankfully, Khloe Kardashian is not for Cosmopolian Middle East. Wait, what was that last part? [TooFab]

- Carson Daly says Britney is crazier than Michael Jackson. [The Fab Life]

- James Franco fell back on his training from Tristan and Isolde for Your Highness. Should be excellent. [Popsugar]

- John Travolta only agreed to this for the prison sex scenes. [FilmDrunk]

- Katy Perry stars in Guillermo Del Toro‘s wet dream from last night. [BuzzFeed]

- Shay Maria before Photoshop. [theCHIVE]

- This is why polygamy is wrong. [Heavy]

Follow The Superficial on Facebook || Twitter || Formspring || Mobile

Photos: Getty, WireImage

‘Teen Mom’ Jenelle Sold Her Fight Video

March 31st, 2011 // 31 Comments

Teen Mom 2 star Jenelle Evans might have been arrested for assault earlier this week after getting in a white trash brawl with another girl (Brittany Maggard) that was caught on video. But that shouldn’t stop her from treating it like a sex tape by selling it and pretending she’s devastated that it got out. E! News reports:

The Teen Mom 2 star, whose legal troubles seem to be mounting at every turn, exclusively tells E! News that Maggard sold the tape of their fight to the media for $45,000.
Who says there’s such a thing as bad publicity again?
“She told me herself and I got very upset,” Evans said Wednesday. “I cried for two hours.”
Multiple attempts to reach Maggard for comment were unsuccessful, though she told TMZ that Evans not only shared in the cash windfall, but personally made the initial contact to sell the video—though according to her, the payment they received was just $5,000, not $45,000.

When you’re the star of a reality show centered around idiot teenagers from backwoods towns getting knocked up, it’s kind of hard to feign indignity over a video of you rolling around in the mud being viewed by thousands of people. Instead, you should be pointing out the fact you didn’t use your baby as a club because, honestly, that’s impressive. I didn’t think this show actually helped girls like you grow as a person, yet here we are not using children as a weapon. Literally.

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News

Snooki’s in the WWE Now

March 31st, 2011 // 55 Comments

When you’re a midget your career options are severely limited. You either play an Ewok, join the circus, do porn, or become a prop for the WWE. So since Snooki knocked that first one out at birth, here she is lending her credibility and star power to the WrestleMania XXVII press conference. I say credibility and star power sarcastically of course because everyone sat around wondering who took a shit on the stage then put a “Brunette Mafia” shirt on it. Cena? Did you do this? You hilarious bastard. Get over here and let me give you a noogie.

SERIOUS NOTE: I’m by no means a wrestling fan, or in the business of blowing sunshine up celebrity asses, but sincere props to John Cena for visiting over 200 Make-a-Wish kids. I’m not pointing any fingers here, but Angelina Jolie or Madonna would’ve only shown up to steal the foreign-looking ones.

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next »