Archive for January, 2011

Denise Richards: ‘Go to Rehab For The Kids’ Charlie Sheen: ‘How ‘Bout No?’

January 28th, 2011 // 24 Comments

While Denise Richards is becoming rightfully concerned about the father of her children and is pleading for him to get help, Charlie Sheen is already out of the hospital and going right back to work on Tuesday with absolutely no plans of checking into rehab, according to TMZ. And why would he? He survived. He’s probably ordering ten porn stars right now along with two briefcases full of blow. Neither of which will kill him as much as result in a minor case of bronchitis. In fact, why we’re not using his blood to engineer super-soldiers is the question we should really start asking ourselves because clearly that shit is the Anti-Death. You’ll probably need a diamond drill just to harvest it.

Photos: Flynet, Splash News

Melanie Rios Was There, Too

January 28th, 2011 // 74 Comments

We’ve already seen Kacey Jordan, so I felt it was important to take a look at porn star Melanie Rios (Formerly Melanie Jane), the other fifth of Charlie Sheen‘s hooker sandwich, who seems to prove he hasn’t entirely lost it. Had he spent the past three days holed up with just Kacey Jordan and her beak, the situation might’ve been way worse than we imagined. But now that I see Melanie, I kind of want to subscribe to Charlie’s newsletter even though I’m sure it’s nothing but a piece of paper with dollar signs written in hooker blood and coke. “It’s like money to them,” he probably says.

Special thanks to Mark for providing the pics of Melanie and Kacey even though he won’t tell me how Charlie Sheen orders these chicks and/or give me a ballpark on shipping.

Photos: Club Melanie Jane (NSFW)

Kacey Jordan: ‘Charlie Sheen Promised Me a Bentley’

January 28th, 2011 // 45 Comments

Like an idiot, I assumed yesterday that porn star Kacey Jordan lawyered up because Charlie Sheen had more than likely overdosed on a briefcase full of coke. Turns out the reason was much more simple and obvious than that: Gold diggin’. RadarOnline reports:

“Ok for all the f**king haters… I’m getting a baby blue convertible Bentley next month so I dunno…HUSH fml,” the 22-year-old porn star wrote on her Twitter account Wednesday afternoon.
Sources confirmed to RadarOnline.com that the Two and a Half Men star made numerous promises to the porn stars he was partying with.
“My life has changed… Speechless :)” Kacey wrote.
Seems Kacey may have gotten her hopes up in the aftermath of Charlie’s hospitalization – just like the porn stars that came before her, she’s hired a lawyer.

Kacey is already blabbing to TMZ, but seriously, does Charlie Sheen really need to pay for these chicks’ silence at this point? For starters, I’m pretty sure having sex with four other women on a man’s coffee table while he snorts coke out of a coffee mug isn’t a legally binding contract to buy you a car, or I’d have ten by now. Second, what the hell are they going to say that people don’t already assume, if not consider irrefutable fact?

THEM: And then Charlie said if we didn’t shoot a Mexican midget in front of him, he can’t get it up. Then he made us bury it in the backyard. — Using only our hands! *sobs* He ate a sandwich the whole time and laughed when we broke our nails. Oh, God, I can still hear him chewing…
US: Wow. How entirely unexpected. *yawn*

Photos: Glamour Models Gone Bad (NSFW), INFdaily

Charlie Sheen Was ‘Laughing Too Hard at the TV.’ Of Course.

January 28th, 2011 // 32 Comments

Before we get into this, let me bring you up to speed on Charlie Sheen‘s condition, he’s the fucking Highlander. The man was hospitalized yesterday for a hernia and not a drug overdose because let’s assume he’s built up a tolerance so strong Colombia would need to clone itself twice just to get him high. Now, how did he get a hernia? While logic and reason suggest banging porn stars for 36 hours straight, Charlie’s people have their own excuse which makes, “It was an allergic reaction,” look like goddamn amateur hour. Extra reports:

Our source, Charlie’s friend Steve Brodersen, tells “Extra” the pain is the result of a hernia injury, worsened when Sheen laughed too hard at the TV.

Except this story is actually half true. Charlie was watching TV, but not just watching. No, no he was offering critical analysis on a subject he’s extremely passionate about: Filming women having lots of sex. Via TMZ:

There are many wild details, but we’re told eventually Charlie ended up in his theater room with one of the porn stars with whom he was partying. They watched 3 hours of porn, as Charlie critiqued the action on the screen.
We’re told Charlie, who fancies himself as a porn connoisseur, was questioning his companion about angles and body shots. We’re told the porn star was “surprised” by the depth of Charlie’s knowledge.

“Okay, I can understand the angle in this shot, but- Whoa. What? Oh my god. They cut to the anal scene now? HAHAHA! Can you believe this shit? Jesus, who was the director? Denise Richards? AHAHAH- *pop* My hernia!”

Alright, I’m on board.

Photos: WENN

And Andy Dick Keeps On Truckin’

January 27th, 2011 // 18 Comments

“This one’s for you, Chahlee. We’re the dreamers! We’re the.. fuckin’.. dream- Ohmygod there’s a hobo down here. Well, you’re welcome. Some people pay extra for that. $300 extra to be exact, the thievin’ floozies. It’s urine!”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin

Charlie Sheen Was Having Sex With This, And a Briefcase Full of Coke

January 27th, 2011 // 94 Comments

While Charlie Sheen lays in a hospital bed with nothing but his love of proving all porn stars are hookers keeping him alive, Kacey Jordan (above) has been identified as one of the women partying with Charlie for over 36 hours at his house, according to RadarOnline:

“I have a lawyer and I am not making any comment,” the 22-year-old told our reporter moments ago.
Jordan was at Sheen’s mansion on Wednesday afternoon when she took to Twitter to publish a risqué photo, wearing a barely-there bikini.
Not soon after, she wrote: “It’s officially 24 hours of drinking! Hehe.”

And why would she need to hire a lawyer? Maybe because Charlie Sheen was literally eating cocaine by the brick while single-cockedly keeping California’s entire prostitution industry in the black. TMZ reports: More »