The 2011 ESPY Awards

July 14th, 2011 // 66 Comments

The 2011 ESPY Awards were last night, and some of you maybe asking yourselves, “Why is this entire gallery full of women, and not a single one an athlete?” Fortunately, I anticipated your response because I’m a powerful Jedi, and it comes down to a complex algorithm meticulously designed to preserve the structural integrity of the Internet: “Tits or GTFO.” Also, have you seen female athletes lately? Lindsey Vonn looks like Stifler’s mom.

Photo: Getty, Splash News


  1. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Ooooh, thought the dress was kinda boring until I saw the backside.

  2. And the nominees for most athletic breasts are….

  3. Kendra Wilkinson ESPY Awards
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Who did this hard faced hussy blow to get a red carpet invite?

  4. Tiger: Shut up! Be quiet! Stop moving around! Stay in there!
    Tiger’s Penis: Guess who’s in cha-arge.

  5. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    I insist on seeing her naked immediately.

  6. you’d think they could invite chicks like michelle wie, danika patrick, allison stokke, about a dozen eastern european tennis players, and fuck yeah, lindsay vonn!

  7. Now why the hell did you have to put that pic of Brooke Hogan in there?

  8. Emmanuelle Chriqui ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Hello, happy fatty.

  9. Poison Ivy League

    What? No pictures of Wilson?! Throw some dick up for the ladies damnit.

  10. Deacon Jones

    Very, very disappointed by that dress on Brooklyn.

    She should be airing those puppies out, not squashing them flat.

    Those other chicks are ok, and there’s no Lindsay Vonn up there.

  11. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t tell what’s at the back of her throat, but it looks like Peter Dinklage.

  12. p.s. Good luck to US Women’s soccer–again playing for the World Cup Championship, vs Japan this Sunday!

  13. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I just got an ESPY in my pants.

  14. Kendra Wilkinson ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She got invited so that there would be one woman at the ESPYs who could walk (and probably dance) in heels.

  15. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Forty pictures of the same 4 broads? Really? How fucking boring.

  16. Brooklyn Decker ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    And somewhere an IROC is lamenting its lost upholstery.

  17. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Dammit, this picture is distorted. Her 5head is distracting me from her cans.

  18. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes to both of the above

  19. Kendra Wilkinson ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the hell let the trash in?

  20. cc

    The transition from Amber Heard to Kendra Wilkinson stripped my gears.

  21. DKNY

    The picture of Rachel makes her look orange, but she’s so hot.

  22. cc

    Rachel Nichols has my penis flailing about like a drowning hairless mole rat.

  23. Kendra Wilkinson ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    This just looks like slutty prom circa 2002. WHO LETS HER GO PLACES?

  24. Amber Heard ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Hottest lesbian EVER.

  25. Brooklyn Decker ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    You can see the left nipple struggling to get free. Set it free, Brooklyn! Set it free!

  26. Kendra Wilkinson ESPY Awards
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Selling sex tapes out of the back of her Ford Econovan.

  27. Kendra Wilkinson ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Who is she?

  28. cc

    Hahaha, I can’t believe Justin Bieber was at this. Can you imagine how many times he ran home, grabbed Selena by the wrist, dragged her to the bedroom?

    Justin: ‘Rachel, Amber, Brooklyn, UNH! Rachel, Amber, Brooklyn, UNH! Rachel, Amber, Brooklyn, UNH!’

    Selena: ‘It’s me Selena goddammit!’

    • DKNY

      I seriously doubt he’s thinking of women when he’s trying to bang Selena. More like “Bob, Joe, Michael, UNH!”

  29. Izzy Mandelbaum

    There are several that I would like to wantonly violate and maybe take pictures when in flagrante delicto .
    Chorloform , roofies and vodka / scotch ., I ‘d like to make my mark in that set of broads

  30. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Where the hell is Kerry Washington and Serena Williams?

  31. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    How the hell do you leave out Serena Williams? She had her super fun bags well on display.

  32. Emmanuelle Chriqui ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Still looks like JWow.

  33. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    That color reminds me of a bowrider I once had. Speaking of motorboats…

  34. Amber Heard ESPY Awards
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    Come to butthead….

  35. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    This has got to be a stunt double. Anyone else think Rachel Nichols is trying to pull a Saddam Hussein on us here?

  36. Amber Heard ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    What are the odds she’ll do a reverse Anne Heche? What are the odds of me being there at that exact moment?

  37. Emmanuelle Chriqui ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Reversing my previous JWow statement. Tongue lashings of apologies all round.

  38. bonerspunk

    “One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong, can you tell me which thing is not like the others by the time I finish my song?”

  39. Amber Heard ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:


    it’s so sad she’s a lesbo.

    damn hot and healthy looking

  40. anonym

    hot fucking damn rachel.
    please sit on my face.

    i don’t like serena. but her ass makes Kim Kardashian’s ass look puny.

  41. Emmanuelle Chriqui ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    and…. cue the botox!

  42. Brooklyn Decker ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    who styled her hair? sheesh.

  43. the captain

    well, lindsey vonn saved the entire party with her presence, folks!!

  44. Emmanuelle Chriqui ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does she have blue teeth?

  45. Amber Heard ESPY Awards
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    In these pictures, there’s always a woman in the background saying it all with her stare and her sandals.

  46. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    brown starfish
    Commented on this photo:

    Her boobs look weird. They are wide, but flat at the same time. I call a case of small boobs and big, padded bra.

  47. josh

    I love her hairy arm. I hope her bush looks the same.

  48. tiger

    Were these the only women that showed up? Besides amber heard all of these girls need to lay off on the sun, it’s showing on their faces and skin. So many wrinkles under the eyes even for the young girls.

  49. Brooklyn Decker ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    looks drunk

  50. Rachel Nichols ESPY Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Riddle me this….where’d dat ass come from?

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