Archive for December, 2010

Bar Refaeli is in a Bikini Again

December 29th, 2010 // 24 Comments

I’m not even going to put on airs here. Here’s Bar Refaeli in Cabo yesterday and I like ogling her breasts and ass. In fact, it’s one of the few things that makes my happy anymore, and I’m not going to mask it anymore with Inception jokes or talk of how I mail her stick figure drawings of Leonardo DiCaprio cheating on her but she never seems to believe they’re real photos. I’m probably not using the right colored pencils.

Photos: Splash News

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood: ‘MTV Didn’t Make Me Hit Gary’

December 29th, 2010 // 37 Comments

Seen here fulfilling her family’s dream to be the first grandkid to make bail in 24 hours, Teen Mom star Amber Portwood has apparently changed her tune about MTV paying her to assault Gary Shirley, according to RadarOnline:

Paperwork filed by prosecutors says that Portwood admitted her violent incidents were not staged for MTV. She made this admission in front of her lawyer after having been read her rights, according to the paperwork, which also said she claimed to be under a doctor’s care.
“She claimed the incidents were out of anger and were not staged for the reality show,” the paperwork reads, detailing an October 20 meeting of Portwood, her attorney and police.”She claimed to not remember everything due to some medical issues in which she is under a Dr.’s care for currently.”
According to the paperwork filed at Portwood’s December 28 arraignment, the 20-year-old mother of one will have the No Contact Order established upon her release from custody on bail or personal recognizance. A judge ordered her to have no contact with Gary Shirley. Earlier she was told she could not have contact with her daughter but the judge did not enforce that.

Ah, the old family court maxim of always making sure the child stays with the mother. Even if said mother has admitted in court documents to suffer some sort of “medical issue” that causes her to go into a violent blackout rage that ends in restraining orders. Let’s make sure the kid sees that person while that’s currently unresolved. What could possibly go wrong? *imagines baby getting kicked into a soccer goal* Haha! Babies aren’t balls.

Photos: Splash News

The Whole World Got Married

December 29th, 2010 // 21 Comments

Add Reese Witherspoon to the list of 800 celebrities who got engaged/married/pregnant over Christmas. By my count, here’s the current death toll:

Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth – Engaged.
LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian – Engaged. For real this time.
Lily Allen and I Have No Fucking Clue. – Engaged.
Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky – Married.
Natalie Portman and Benjamin Thousand Legs. – Engaged and knocked up.
Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris – Engaged/Attempting to mask blatant prostitution.

I’m sure I’m leaving off half of Hollywood, but let me just say this, you know what else makes a great Christmas present? Keurigs. A.) They don’t get pregnant. And B.) You don’t have to hire a lawyer when you realize only having one vagi coffeemaker is a crime against nature. Food for thought.

Photos: Getty

BEST OF 2010: Jennifer Lopez Has Cellulite

December 28th, 2010 // 47 Comments

7. Jennifer Lopez

Posted: 10.19.2010

Full Disclosure: I was going to entirely skip this shot of Jennifer Lopez performing in Madrid but instead posted it as an afterthought with the daily links. Turns out you couldn’t get enough of staring into a mound of cellulite and the photo literally became an international sensation. There were small villages in Central America who looked at these on dial-up and immediately sacrificed a goat lest “La masa de Monster” steal their children in their sleep. Which is why, for just pennies a day, you can get them a 3G phone so they can learn they’re confusing JLo with Madonna. *drops Blackberry in mail* Knowledge is coming, Pepe! Be strong.

Original Post: Jennifer Lopez Should Never Let This Happen Again and Other News

Photos: Splash News

BEST OF 2010: Heidi’s Boobs Fell Out

December 28th, 2010 // 47 Comments

8. Heidi Montag

Posted: 9.14.2010

Even though you’ve seen no less than 8,000 photos of Heidi Montag in a bikini, somehow these pics from September made it into the Top 10 for the year. Had I known seeing Heidi cup her huge over-sized breasts as they spill out of her clothing was such a draw, I would’ve paid her five bucks to walk around like this everyday. Four if she wanted in Spencer in the shots provided he stayed underwater the whole time. It’s a photography thing.

Original Post: ‘Do These Look Big Enough? I Can Never Tell.’

Photos: Pacific Coast News

50 Cent Shovels His Own Driveway? And Other News

December 28th, 2010 // 29 Comments

(This is literally like porn to Lindsay Lohan.)

- Rihanna and Matt Kemp call it quits. [Huffington Post]

- ‘Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark’ loses another performer. [Popeater]

- Dina Lohan is going to sue the Hearst family now. That should go well. [Dlisted]

- Natalie Portman’s pregnancy will probably land her an Oscar. [Lainey Gossip]

- Victoria Silvstedt has some lucky children. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Candice Swanepoel understands the meaning of Christmas. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Kelly Osbourne doesn’t sound crazy at all. [IDLYITW]

- Amy Winehouse’s To-Do List. [BuzzFeed]

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Photos: Plixi.com/WENN