Archive for November, 2010

‘Furnch Fries!’

November 29th, 2010 // 37 Comments

A lot of people try to argue I write this site because I’m secretly jealous of celebrities which is, obviously, not true. I just hate everyone who isn’t me, that’s all. However, I will admit to being jealous in this case, and this case only, because there’s no way any of us will ever be as happy as Britney Spears in these photos without the aid of an extra chromosome. Seriously, can you even imagine what it’s like in her head right now? There are probably cars with wheels made out of “chockerlate” and everything.

Photos: Splash News

Sarah Palin Defends Willow’s ‘F-ggot’ Rant

November 29th, 2010 // 149 Comments

What was almost a completely forgotten about issue has been resurrected by Sarah Palin‘s inability to portray herself as anything but a helpless victim of the media, a dont’cha know. Here she is talking to Sean Hannity where, unprompted, she brought up Willow Palin‘s publicized use of the word “faggot” to attack a classmate who was insulting Sarah’s new reality show on Facebook, not Dancing With the Stars as previously reported. Via Mediaite:

I mean, look at the other day. Willow, finally, my 16 year old, she had had it up to here with somebody saying very, very hateful things about the family and saying mean things about her little brother Trig, and Willow finally responded and she used a bad word when she responded in defense of her family. And her response became national news, even hard news copy it turned into, so that’s ridiculous and I had to explain to her, “Willow, there is no justice here but you have to just zip your lip and let’s move forward.”

Mediaite points out that not once was Trig mentioned during the entire Facebook exchange, but then again, everyone knows the liberal media hates it when special needs children are inserted into stories they were never apart of in the first place. Bastards! Anyway, you’ll notice Sarah Palin openly feels it’s acceptable to call people “faggots” in defense of a family member which, admittedly, probably doesn’t count as news. Mostly I’m just amazed she didn’t say, “At least Willow wasn’t packin’” then winked at the camera. She’s really come a long way.

EDIT: The time for healing.. is now.

Photo: Getty

Kim Kardashian is a Tease

November 29th, 2010 // 52 Comments

What you’re looking at is Kim Kardashian participating in the Keep a Child Alive campaign for World AIDS Day. Apparently on Wednesday she’ll sign off of both Facebook and Twitter, or “die” in this topsy-turvy Internet world, until $1 million is raised by texting “KIM” to 90999. Does anyone else find that to be the shittiest motivator ever? Make a donation or Kim Kardashian won’t tweet pre-approved messages about her reality show and/or ads for diet pills anymore? C’mon. If this campaign was really serious, she’d literally be forced to die after $1 million was raised. Of course, incredible fund-raising ideas aside, she could just quietly donate the money herself, but that wouldn’t involve a very public campaign where she gets to see how people react to her death, the ultimate form of vanity. Which is what charity is all about isn’t? “MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!”

Adding… DING!

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Who Wants Leftovers?

November 29th, 2010 // 28 Comments

Now that we’ve stared deeply into Jennifer Aniston’s breasts and watched Jessica Simpson battle her demons, it’s time to wrap up the rest of the holiday and get back to business. Here are the last bits of gossip from Thanksgiving that should hopefully bring everyone up to speed before we do this all over again in three weeks. Two if I convert to Judaism just to annoy Mel Gibson. I live life on the edge. *applies for fire insurance*

Click Here to Start The Gallery

Photo: Splash News

Jennifer Aniston Was in a Bikini

November 29th, 2010 // 42 Comments

While Jessica Simpson and Kanye West continued to embarrass themselves in front of millions, Jennifer Aniston escaped to Los Cabos where she spent Thanksgiving with a bikini-clad Chelsea Handler, who you’ll notice I conveniently didn’t mention in the headline. I’m in the business of attracting people to this site, not sending them screaming into the night, cursing their own eyesight. (For the most part.) So, on that note, let’s focus on how perpetually rock hard Jennifer Aniston’s nipples thanks are because she’s frozen inside, and then ask herself why she doesn’t use them to commit complicated jewel heists. “Bullet-proof glass, you say? Allow me. *circular motion, circular motion, circular motion* Like taking candy from a baby… And not because I stabbed one with my nipple! Entirely unrelated. In fact, forget I spoke.”

Photos: Flynet, Splash News

Kanye West Booed at Macy’s Parade

November 29th, 2010 // 42 Comments

For reasons known only to him and the hand-puppet he talks to before bed every night, Kanye West agreed to ride on a float all by himself during the 84th Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Fortunately for us, New Yorkers take their morning talk shows and country music seriously (Roll with it.) which caused them to boo Kanye in between shouts of “Taylor! Taylor!” and the admittedly helpful, “Jump!” Surprisingly, Kanye kept his composure which I’m sure had nothing to do with him imaging he’s Jesus lugging his cross up the Via Dolorosa. He just doesn’t strike me as that kind of guy.

CROWD: Booooo!
KANYE: Aw, shit, Mel Gibson’s gonna make a sequel out this bitch.
NEW YORKER #1: Is he talking to himself up there?
NEW YORKER #2: I’m more concerned with the Scott Stapp/Crucifix pose he just busted out.
KANYE: ♪♫ With arms wide open… Kanye’s like Jesus… Welcome to his face, he’ll show you ev-ree-thang… ♪♫

Video After The Jump