Archive for June, 2010

Dr. Conrad Murray is an Incredible Physician

June 29th, 2010 // 21 Comments

Joe Jackson has filed a wrongful death suit against Dr. Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson’s personal physician who administered the lethal dose of Propofol, and his legal team has apparently found a stripper who claims the good doctor not only invited her to the house when Michael was passed out, but was also drinking just hours before his death. TMZ reports: More »

Kate Gosselin Thinks Jogging Will Help

June 29th, 2010 // 74 Comments

Here’s Kate Gosselin taking her botched Botox-face for a jog because somehow that will change the fact she permanently looks like she caught you using the good silverware when there’s not even company over. (Asshole.) On that note, is it weird I kind of want to see Kelly Ripa’s penis button penetrate the perfectly circular navel Kate’s doctor hollowed out? That can’t be normal.

Photos: INFdaily

I Want YOU to be The Superficial Banner Girl

June 29th, 2010 // 45 Comments

Apparently a shocking amount of you were attached to the blonde girl who used to adorn The Superficial banner at the top of the site (Note to Self: Invent fuckable clip-art.), so since she’s been wrapped up in the big shower curtain in the sky, I thought it’d be fun to make some lucky reader the Banner Girl for an entire week and let you guys pick her. Because who doesn’t love letting people see how hot you are? — Says the anonymous, faceless blogger.

Here’s How to Enter:

1. Take a side-profile shot of yourself in the style of our seductress up top. (Note: Being naked will not guarantee you a winning slot. — Or will it?)
2. E-mail your name, city and photo to CONTEST CLOSED. Entries in the form of discount Viagra prices will be immediately disqualified.
3. Don’t die of anticipation.

Submissions will stop being accepted Monday, July 5 at 11:59 EST. From there, the Top 20 Entries will be open to voting starting Tuesday, July 6 to Sunday, July 11. In the meantime, keep checking The Superficial on Facebook where I’ll be posting photos daily of our lovely contestants who, so help me God, better not be my mother.

Best of Luck and May the Hussiest Hussy Win.

[Legal Stuff: By submitting a photo you acknowledge you're the legal rights owner of that image.]

Lindsay Lohan’s Porn Star Role is a ‘Bad Move’

June 29th, 2010 // 43 Comments

Thanks to shitty decision-making being an integral genome of Lohan DNA, Lindsay is banking on her upcoming role as porn star Linda Lovelace to bounce her career back to its Mean Girls heyday. Except most film experts agree it will probably do the exact opposite because she’ll barely have to act in the thing. Hollywood Life reports: More »

Megan Fox is Married

June 28th, 2010 // 72 Comments

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green were reportedly married “late last week” at the Four Seasons in Hawaii, according to TMZ. My advice to the lucky groom: Try not to think about the fact she married you immediately after bombing another movie. There’s no way that has anything do with anything, safety net.

Brian! I mean, Brian.

Photos: INFdaily, GSI Media, Splash News

Kelly Brook’s in a Bikini Again

June 28th, 2010 // 46 Comments

Clearly the Good Lord has taken favor with my assault on Chris Brown and has seen fit to reward me with even more pics of Kelly Brook in a bikini this morning. Granted, I don’t believe in God, but I’m honestly at a loss to explain where these came from. Evolution? Aurora Borealis? Who knows? It’s like looking at Stonehenge which, coincidentally, I’ve also dreamt about putting my penis in. — Purely for science!

Photos: Splash News