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During Jesse James’ interview with Nightline he revealed he was abused by his father which apparently caused his penis to fall into the Tattoed Vag of the Third Reich. Why not? Via People:

“I was a terrorized kid,” James, 41, said about beatings he received from his father. “I was petrified of my dad … It wasn’t so much getting the sh– beat out of me or getting my arm broken or getting kicked or whatever or punched, it was the in-between time. It was the fear of that happening again.”
As a result of his lack of self-worth, he said, “I grew up with a huge amount of shame and fear and abandonment on my shoulders from a very young age, and I think, you know, the way my mind rationalized [cheating], ‘Well, you know, I might as well do whatever I can to like run her off, ’cause she is going to find out what I am anyway and leave me anyway.’”

I’m not one to make light of serious situations unless it involves Simon Monjack’s heart stopping from the stress of scamming Brittany Murphy’s death, but isn’t it a little convenient that the only way Jesse James could handle his childhood abuse was to have sex with lots of women? Sometimes the heart of a matter is simply “I have a penis.” That’s like me saying I have to constantly frequent strip clubs because my parents told me at a young age there’s a man with pointy ears and a tail who wants to burn me for eternity if I watch He-Man. — Wait, that’s actually true.