Archive for February, 2010

Tiger Woods makes Elin apologize to daughter’s school

February 24th, 2010 // 41 Comments

Because this was entirely her fault, Elin Woods has cosigned a letter of apology to her daughter’s school for the increased paparazzi stemming from Tiger’s penis. Via E! News:

“We would like to share our appreciation for your support over the past several months and offer our personal apology for any inconvenience you are experiencing due to the increased media scrutiny surrounding our children. We truly understand how frustrating it can be.
“We hope that the paparazzi will find something better to do with their time in the near future. In the meantime, it is our goal to keep life as normal as possible for our children. We are sure that as parents you can appreciate that. For Sam, that normalcy means attending the school that she enjoys so much.”

The letter was signed by both Tiger and Elin which makes no fucking sense. It’s not like she was sitting around the house going “Hmm. Maybe I should stop my husband from having a bunch of explosive secret affairs I don’t know about before it upsets the PTA. — Eh, fuck it. I’ll just have a daiquiri.”

Photos: Splash News

Matthew Fox cheated on this? I don’t believe it.

February 24th, 2010 // 100 Comments

Matthew Fox has allegedly been cheating on his wife with a stripper from Oregon, according to InTouch:

“I was dancing onstage, and I made eye contact with him immediately. I got so excited,” Stefani tells In Touch. Since she was a big Party of Five fan, she recognized him right away — but she soon found out he was much different from the clean-cut characters he plays. Matthew, Stefani says, started by buying her a drink, then paid for four private dances, each worth $20. “He asked me, ‘Why are you working in a place like this?’ I told him that I am a single mom and needed the money,” Stefani says. “He absolutely did not mention a wife or family, and I don’t remember him wearing a wedding ring.”
Despite the club’s strict rules about dating customers, Stefani left her 5-year-old son with a babysitter and claims she met Matthew later that night at the house he was staying in with his entourage. “We sat around and talked about his show. He complimented me and was saying how down-to-earth I am. He told me he was going to be in town for a couple of days,” she tells In Touch. Pretty soon, things heated up. “He didn’t tell me to keep it a secret or anything. He didn’t even use protection. He didn’t seem concerned at all,” says Stefani.

I love how these mistresses always come forward and act surprised the married man they had sex with didn’t use a condom. IT’S YOUR VAGINA. Clearly some sort of rationalization took place where letting the star of Lost bang you without a rubber outweighed the risk of getting knocked up or an itchy urethra. Otherwise, surprise, you got smoke monstered! (Or raped, whatever you want to call it.)

Photos: Getty

Elizabeth Hurley still has nipples

February 24th, 2010 // 94 Comments

Elizabeth Hurley attended the Love Ball in London last night wearing a dress that might as well have had a hole cut out of it for her left breast. Obviously someone said something to her inside because she walked out sheepishly clutching a program over her chest. I can only imagine how that conversation went…

SHERLOCK HOLMES: So, you see, Watson, losing to the colonies in the war was elementary- By jove, I can see your bosom!
ELIZABETH HURLEY: Oh my! How embarrassing. Spot of tea?
QUEEN OF ENGLAND: OFF WITH HER HEAD!

[Full Disclosure: This is pretty much how I assume every conversation in England goes. And sometimes Gwyneth Paltrow is a chimney sweep.]

NOTE: Full size versions are NSFW.

Photos: Getty, WENN

Mila Kunis is still so hot and other news

February 23rd, 2010 // 58 Comments

- Beyonce and Jay-Z are like old people. [PopEater]

- Lindsay Lohan’s The Sun interviews explained. [Lainey Gossip]

- Gary Busey’s crazy army just increased by one. [Dlisted]

- Brooke Burke’s nipples don’t look confused to me. Compared to Britney. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Kate Hudson, Kristen Stewart, Claire Danes and Yoda in Sunglasses. [Huffington Post]

- Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart come out of the closet. Or she’s helping him out. I don’t really care. [TheFABlife]

- Whitney Houston is back! To giving shitty performances again. [The Blemish]

- Leonardo DiCaprio still kneels before the Cameron cock. [StarPulse]

- Joe Simpson calls John Mayer to hear more of this “sexual napalm” business. [ICYDK]

- JWoww might be the new Kim Kardashian? But has she been peed on? — Ha! I’m kidding. Of course she has. [BettyConfidential]

- Hilary Duff’s engagement ring cost $1 million and it was worth it. (For at least 3-5 minutes.) [Socialite Life]

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Photos: Getty, Splash News, WENN

Charlie Sheen’s in rehab, too. Why not?

February 23rd, 2010 // 16 Comments

Charlie Sheen has checked himself into rehab, according to People:

“As a preventative measure, Charlie Sheen has entered a rehabilitation facility,” his rep says in a statement. “He will take some time off his series Two and a Half Men.”

It’s good thing Charlie and his wife don’t have kids or anything, except oh wait, they do and they’re in rehab with her. — Not like that:

Sources tell us Mueller’s rehab facility allows children, and Brooke’s kids are with her right now, along with the nannies and a counselor.
As we first reported, Brooke is now in a private home that offers high-end rehab services and allows patients to bring children and staff. She checked out of The Canyon in Malibu after an alleged security breach.

Jesus. First Brooke Mueller gets a knife to the throat – “allegedly” – now she has to try and quit crack with two kids crying at her. If being married to Charlie Sheen was anymore dreamier, she’d be living on a compound with his five underage brides.

Why did I type that last sentence and immediately feel like I predicted the future?

Photo: WENN

Bar Refaeli is a f-cking whore

February 23rd, 2010 // 68 Comments

Folks, I’m not a religious man, but there’s no way to look at these pics without acknowledging Satan is real and wants me to fly a plane directly into MTV. On that note, do you think Leonardo DiCaprio would let me borrow one? He sort of has to if you think about it.