Archive for February, 2010

Kelly Bensimon in a bikini

February 26th, 2010 // 162 Comments

It’s been getting way too heavy around here, so thank God someone finally put a bikini on. Unfortunately none of you know who Kelly Bensimon is because she’s on The Real Housewives of New York which exactly five people watch yet somehow you’re dating one of them. On that note, to extract any sexiness out of this post, you’re going to want to focus on the just-barely exposed areola and not the over-tanned wildebeest it’s attached to. Trust me on this one.

Photos: Splash News

Anne Hathaway should visit my wonderland and other news

February 26th, 2010 // 68 Comments

- Matt Damon’s mustache is pubey. [Lainey Gossip]

- Simon Cowell is engaged. [PopEater]

- Avril Lavigne signing a picture of Jell-O because the premiere of a Tim Burton movie wasn’t trippy enough. [Dlisted]

- Joanna Krupa legs are spreading Communism. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Courtney Love claims Edward Norton owes her $300,000. Of course he does. [Huffington Post]

- Miley Cyrus allowed near Bret Michaels. Smart. [TheFABlife]

- James Franco for Gucci. [Just Jared]

- Brangelina held hands over steaks! GET ANDERSON COOPER. [PopSugar]

- Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are in couples counseling because apparently she stuck his balls under hers. [Celebslam]

- Kim Kardashian basically insulted Penelope Cruz. [Bossip]

- Tiger Woods’ penis isn’t in the animal-saving business. [Amy Grindhouse]

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Photos: Splash News, WENN

And here’s Kirk Cameron again.

February 26th, 2010 // 138 Comments

Because Jesus wouldn’t waste free publicity, Kirk Cameron issued People the following statement regarding the suicide of his Growing Pains co-star Andrew Koenig:

“It is with great sorrow to hear about the final outcome of the search for my old friend Andrew. I hope everyone will be sensitive to the Koenigs and give the family some private time to reflect and to grieve the loss of their beloved son. At a time like this, we all are reminded of the briefness of life and the importance of being ready for our eternal destination. My prayers will continue to be with Andrew’s family.”

Listen, what happened to Andrew Koenig was, no question, tragic for his family. I couldn’t even imagine. But let’s be honest, nobody cared about Boner from Growing Pains until this week and now he’s become an excuse for a bunch of people to pretend they’re hyper-sensitive human beings with their “Oh, I’m hollow inside.”; “My heart skipped a beat” and other fake sympathies. Even worse, you’ve got Kirk Cameron capitalizing on the death of “an old friend” he apparently never talked to just to push the oldest swindle known to man: Claiming to know what happens when you die.

I’m not trying to get on a soapbox here, but what I am trying to say is Hilary Duff needs to blow someone in front of the paparazzi again. I’m not guaranteeing that will help. But, dammit, we have to try.

Photos: WENN

Lady GaGa just gave Guillermo del Toro a boner

February 26th, 2010 // 116 Comments

Here’s Lady GaGa in London last night and screw her outfit. Check out the look on her bodyguard’s face in each shot. There’s a man who went straight home, told his daughter he loved her, then bought ten ponies and a Lamborghini just to make sure she got the message. Because she’s two.

Photos: INFdaily

Jon Cryer’s ex-wife really wants to kill him

February 26th, 2010 // 33 Comments

So remember when Jon Cryer said his ex-wife was trying to have him assassinated and everyone just laughed and said “What, did she watch Superman IV?” He wasn’t kidding. TMZ reports:

According to documents filed in the custody battle between Cryer and ex-wife Sarah Trigger, Trigger’s lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger’s estranged husband, David Dickey.
Trigger’s lawyer became so alarmed she contacted lawyers for both Cryer and Dickey. On January 10, Dickey confronted Sanchez. According to legal docs, “Mr. Sanchez not only flatly denied making such a statement, but he said that it was [Sarah Trigger] who had contacted him on numerous occasions, stating that she wanted to see the pair [Cryer and Dickey] dead, and even asking Mr. Sanchez if he would kill the pair, or if he would not, inquiring whether she could speak with Mr. Sanchez’s father about this issue.”
According to Cryer’s declaration, he notified Warner Bros. security on January 15. Cryer also states his co-star requested that “we do not film in front of a live audience.” The documents do not ID the co-star but presumably it’s Charlie Sheen.

Wow. You’ve really gotta admire Charlie Sheen’s dedication in this situation. If anyone’s going to kill anyone around here, it’s him, two vials of crack and Mr. Stabby, the trusty pocket knife. You just don’t see that level of commitment anymore. I blame these damn kids with their cellular telephones.

Photos: WENN

Simon Monjack: ‘Brittany died from cough syrup. IN YOUR FACE.’

February 26th, 2010 // 39 Comments

Simon Monjack released a lengthy statement to RadarOnline – because they pay – where he touts his vindication over the final results of Brittany Murphy’s autopsy which shows she died from cold and menstrual medications because no one took her to a hospital. Haha. That’s not shady:

“Although Brittany’s autopsy report was incredibly shocking and sad to the family, to me, Sharon and I both shed tears. We are vindicated in that we always said Brittany never did any kind of illegal substances and that the medication she was taking was the medication found in her system and we hope now that people will understand the legacy of Brittany Murphy and the incredible body of work of Brittany Murphy.
“As the most maligned man in America, I hope people realize that they shouldn’t believe anything they hear and read and I love my wife as much today as I did on the day I married her.”

A likely story, but where was Simon Monjack when Boner died? Eh?

Someone’s gotta ask the hard questions.

Photo: WENN
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