Archive for January, 2010

Doutzen Kroes in a bikini

January 28th, 2010 // 94 Comments
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Here’s Doutzen Kroes relaxing in St. Barts yesterday and I had no idea Victoria’s Secret lets its models scale walls. Or that they even could. I always thought the rule of thumb is they should have enough body fat to trot down a beach, but not enough to lift anything heavier than a Triscuit. Now I’m not saying Doutzen isn’t a beautiful woman, but without rules there’s nothing to separate us from that cat who can drive a car on YouTube. — You’re not better than me!

Photos: Splash News
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Jessica Simpson farted during a business meeting. Of course she did.

January 28th, 2010 // 100 Comments
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During a meeting for her denim line earlier in the month, Jessica Simpson apparently decided to show everyone how classy and business-like she can be, according to Us Weekly:

“While one of the executives was speaking in a room full of five people, Jessica let out a very loud fart,” says the insider.
“Her mother [Tina Simpson] was there, and it prompted her to turn around and yell, ‘Jessica!’ The tension was extreme. No one knew what to say.”

Is anyone even the least bit surprised by this? Frankly I’m impressed she didn’t light it on fire only to start crying about “boys always dumping me, and I don’t know why” until someone ordered her a sympathy pizza. Or is that basically a given at this point?

Photos: Splash News
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Brittany Murphy’s husband wants to sue Hollywood now

January 27th, 2010 // 47 Comments
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So remember when Simon Monjack said not being in Happy Feet 2 is what really killed Brittany Murphy and we all had a couple laughs? He’s literally going to sue Warner Bros. for wrongful-death over it:

The Daily Beast has learned that Simon Monjack, the much-maligned husband of Brittany Murphy, is only days away from filing a wrongful-death action against Warner Brothers, claiming that the studio is responsible for the unexpected death of the 32-year-old actress last December. “They killed her,” he told me. Although the Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office hasn’t released a final cause of death, Monjack and Brittany’s mother, Sharon, who also spoke to me, are convinced that the once-promising star died of a heart attack from the stress caused by Warner Brother’s canceling of a contract just two weeks before she died. Murphy was excited to have begun production on the sequel to the animated hit Happy Feet, but when she was fired by Warner Brothers, Monjack says, “She was devastated.”

Excellent move. Because suing an entire movie studio for somehow killing his 32-year-old wife in her own shower doesn’t at all make Simon Monjack look guilty. No, really, what was the thought process here?

SIMON: I should probably get the heat off me fast… I know! I’ll eat this stick of butter. I mean, sue Warner Bros. — No, both! Nom nom nom nom.
BRITTANY’S GHOST: I switched all the butter with non-fat margarine while you were sleeping.
SIMON: What did I ever do to you?! Oh, right.

Based on actual events.

Photos: Splash News
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Britney Spears still hates bras and other news

January 27th, 2010 // 84 Comments
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- John Mayer is probably banging Taylor Swift. [Lainey Gossip]

- Simon Cowell getting thrown under the bus by American Idol producers presumably in an attempt to destroy his Baby Gap tees. [PopEater]

- Kevin Federline got fat because he was depressed about Britney. Here I thought it was because bacon is delicious and working is hard. [dlisted]

- Katy Perry thinks she’s Lady GaGa now, too. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Nick Cannon is jealous filmmakers want to hire Mariah Carey instead of him. But he was in that show! About that guy. (I sincerely can’t name a damn thing Nick Cannon was in.) [Celebslam]

- Conan O’Brien still thinks working with NBC is a good idea? INAPPROPRIATE. Tell me I’m not the only one who remembers that sketch. [Just Jared]

- Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner figured out the secret how to make marriage work. — It’s orgies, isn’t it? I knew it! [PopSugar]

- Greg Oden apologizes for his penis. [The Blemish]

- Pink mocks Beyonce for selling out? Really? I had no idea Pink was selling her albums out of the trunk of a car in an organic yogurt field. [Bossip]

- Heidi Montag is buying her mom plastic surgery for Mother’s Day. Of course. [ICYDK]

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Photos: Fame
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Venus William in The Most Horrible Wardrobe Choice Known to Man

January 27th, 2010 // 82 Comments
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Venus Williams decided to wear flesh-colored, skin-tight undershorts at the Australian Open yesterday in what I can only assume was a strategic attempt to intimidate her opponents. And if they’re anything like me, they immediately went “You win” then tried to stop a moving train with their face, so well played.

Photos: Pacific Coast News
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David Copperfield isn’t a rapist after all

January 27th, 2010 // 48 Comments

Despite the fact he looks exactly like one and mastered the art of sorcery, David Copperfield is not a rapist and now the woman who accused of him sexual assault on his private island has been arrested for prostitution and pretty much pulling the exact same scheme on another man. TMZ reports:

Authorities say Carroll met the man in a bar and went to his hotel room. As they began having sex she allegedly told him, “Put $2,000 in my purse and you can have it all.” The man says when he refused to fork over the money, she told police he had forced himself upon her.
Shortly after making the report, she refused to cooperate, claiming she had another case going (Copperfield) and felt the new claim would “tarnish the other case.”
Authorities didn’t believe her and charged her with filing a false police report and prostitution.

At this point, The Superficial would like to apologize to David Copperfield for making all those jokes about him being a rapist Bond villain. I should’ve gone with my instincts and assumed the woman was lying which is simply their nature. However, in my defense, David Copperfield is creepy and has assistants draw him a map of potential dates in the audience so he can rape them on a mystical island buy them Italian dinners.

Photo: Getty
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