Archive for August, 2009

Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news

August 31st, 2009 // 42 Comments

- Demi Moore claims she’s never had plastic surgery. Right. And I’ve never paid a hooker to dress up like Abe Lincoln Catwoman. [PopEater]

- Hayden Panettiere is still alive. Midgety. [Lainey Gossip]

- Hilary Duff is pulling diva shit on the set of Gossip Girl. Someone should let Hilary know who’s doing who who a favor in this situation. Then let Leighton Meester know I’m hung like a Sherman tank. Do that first. [Celebslam]

- Robert Pattinson allows Premiere magazine to photograph his brooding. [PopSugar]

- Audrina Patridge is leaving The Hills to pursue her film career which will be going nowhere until someone writes Wonk-Tits: The Movie. [Wonderwall]

- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo are back together which is probably the greatest thing to happen to Nick’s penis since Joe Simpson stopped sleeping in their bed. [The Blemish]

Carrie Prejean sues for ‘religious discrimination.’ Christ…

August 31st, 2009 // 178 Comments

Carrie Prejean filed a lawsuit today claiming Shanna Moakler and Keith Lewis, but strangely not the Donald, subjected her to “religious discrimination, defamation, public disclosure of private facts, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress.” Carrie had teased a lawsuit a month ago only to use the opportunity to push her upcoming book, and Miss California Pageant officials are calling her out for the same tactic, according to TMZ:

TMZ just received the following statement from Miss California USA honcho Keith Lewis, lashing back at the lawsuit Carrie Prejean filed against him this morning for religious discrimination:
“It appears that suits from both sides are now inevitable against the other. I would guess Carrie sees it as a chance to get publicity for her upcoming book because in the interviews I have seen, she talks about the suit and the book in the same breath.
We have no problem with her selling lots of books – considering in the current situation we could stand to profit from every copy she sells.
For us, it has never been about her beliefs and we have always just wanted to move on.
But it seems like Carrie really has nothing new to talk about or anything new in her life so the impression is she just keeps looking for ways to rehash her position as a victim because of her onstage answer.”

How do I explain this to Carrie Prejean without hand puppets? The Miss California Organization invested in you, particularly in the chest region, to be the face and again, chest, of their Company. You were an Employee. But should an Employee decide to publicly latch onto divisive political causes in violation of its contract, whether it be bigoted anti-gay marriage legislation or retarded hippie protests with Move-On.org, the Company has every right to protect its investment. So, basically, you’re still free to say whatever you want, but your employer is still free to fire you. That’s not censorship, that’s CAPITALISM. And in case you inexplicably missed the memo while subbing at FOX News, Jesus wants to dip his balls in it. It’s his favorite.

Photos: WENN

Britney & Jamie Lynn Spears in bikinis

August 31st, 2009 // 94 Comments

Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears were spotted poolside today in Miami which is surprising because I was pretty much convinced they shipped Jamie Lynn deep into the bayou to hide their family’s shame. Then again, they’ve been letting Britney parade out in public lately, so what’s one teenage pregnancy amidst a potential SWAT team showdown over McNugget sauce? Live and let live, I guess.

Photos: Splash News

Chris Brown doesn’t remember beating Rihanna, but still loves her. Aww.

August 31st, 2009 // 43 Comments

In the upcoming Extra Special “Chris Brown, He’s Not So Bad” Issue of People, that’s sure to go over well with housewives, the singer reveals he still has feelings for Rihanna and cried to his mom the night of the attack:

He still loves Rihanna: “I never fell out of love with her. That just wouldn’t go away.”
How he felt right after the assault: “I was distraught … I went to my mom on the same night and told [her] what happened and broke down.”
Why he’s different from his stepfather, who he says regularly abused his mother: “I feel like he enjoyed it. He was an abuser. It was continuous.”

Continuing the non-stop marketing campaign to get his music career back, Chris also appears on Larry King Live tonight where he claims to not even remember beating Rihanna. Of course, most people would probably repress the memory of doing something terrible like when I “supposedly” saw G.I. Joe the other week. Pretty much the same level of awful.

Photos: WENN

Kate Moss gets topless for V

August 31st, 2009 // 49 Comments

Sorry about the site outage, folks. I accidentally removed my towel in front of the server and it crashed itself out of awe and reverence. Welcome to my life. Anyway, here’s Kate Moss posing topless with some Gypsies for the October issue of V Magazine. And, look, I appreciate a bare breast as much as the next guy, but seeing Kate Moss’ nipples is getting a tad redundant. At this point, I’d probably be more aroused if she wore a bra. With a Christmas sweater. God, that’s erotic…

NOTE: Pic links to NSFW version of breasts I could draw with my eyes closed.

Photos: V Magazine

Kim Kardashian allowed near milkshakes

August 31st, 2009 // 54 Comments

Kim and Kourtney Kardashian stopped by Millions of Milkshakes last night to create their own milkshakes for an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I love how Asszilla and a pregnant woman were allowed, yet Khloe wasn’t invited because she’s a Sasquatch and there’s only so much ice cream on the west coast. Although I hear they let her sit out in the parking lot and pick off a few customers. After they paid.

Photos: Splash News, WENN
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