Archive for July, 2009

Seth Rogen shot down by Megan Fox and other news

July 31st, 2009 // 47 Comments


- Robert Pattinson looks like “feminie,” according to Twilight co-star Nikki Reed. She’ll be dead within the hour. [Lainey Gossip]

- Katherine Heigl’s mouth is basically one more retarded comment away from sodomizing her career. [Celebslam]

- Kevin Federline doesn’t do tips. Unless it’s his penis and no condoms are involved. Back me up, Jayden. [The Blemish]

- Ashley Tisdale says kissing Zac Efron is weird. Hmm, yes. I could see how him constantly asking “Hey, where’s your penis?” could be a tad awkward. [PopEater]

- Jude Law’s knows how to treat a lady he had unprotected sex with for a week. [Just Jared]

- Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt are back together? Did the herpes not stick? I don’t get it. [PopSugar]

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Eminem fires back at Mariah Carey

July 31st, 2009 // 101 Comments
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In response to Nick Cannon’s open letter and Mariah Carey’s latest video, Eminem has released his latest song “The Warning,” and it’s pretty much everything you’d expect from Eminem. Via PopCrunch:

Yeah, what you gonna say? I’m lucky? Tell the public that I was so ugly that you had to be drunk to me?
Second base? What the fuck you tell Nick, punk?
In the second week we was dry humping. It’s gotta count for something.
Listen, girly. Surely you don’t want me to talk about how I nutted early cos ejaculated early and bus all over your belly, and you almost started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel you’re stomachs curling. Or maybe you do.
But if I’m embarrassing me, I’m embarrassing you and don’t you dare say it isn’t true.
As long as the song’s getting airplay I’m dissing you.

You know what would be awesome about this song? If it were 2001 and more than five people know who the hell Nick Cannon is. That said, Eminem’s willingness to embarrass himself doesn’t exactly make everything he says true. For example, just because I’m willing to admit I only have a two foot long penis that doesn’t mean I can honestly claim to be Spider-man. — Or does it?

Video After the Jump

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Kelly Clarkson has a taste for flesh now. RUN!

July 31st, 2009 // 122 Comments
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None of us are safe.

Photos: Splash News, WENN
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Carrie Prejean sues Miss California Organization. But not really.

July 31st, 2009 // 100 Comments
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Carrie Prejean is a crafty bitch. Last night the front page of a lawsuit targeting the Miss California Organization for slander and libel was leaked online which opened the door for Carrie to appear on Access Hollywood today where she said no suit would be filed and then conveniently started plugging her book:

But Prejean, who was dethroned in June, over what the Miss California USA group said were contract violations, told Bush she isn’t going to sue her former bosses in court. Instead, Prejean said she plans to put pen to paper for her upcoming book.
“[Are] you going to file one?” Bush asked of a lawsuit.
“No, I mean, hopefully this will all just get taken care of,” Prejean said. “There’s definitely some things that are false that they’ve said about me and I think definitely the book will — it’s sort of like therapy for me. It’s a way for me to just get out the truth, really.
“The book’s going to be amazing,” she said. “Everything in the book is factual. I could never say something that’s not true… Everything that is in the book I can either back it up with e-mails or witnesses. I’m really excited about that. I just can’t wait for that book to come out and for people to see it. I really think their jaws are going to drop.”

So, remember when Carrie Prejean said the topless photos of her were taken when she was only 17 then changed her story to say a breeze blew her shirt open? Did a ventriloquist say those words? Because obviously Carrie can’t tell a lie. Kind of like Superman if you don’t count the time he knocked up Lois then said he had to go to the bathroom. On Krypton.

Photos: Getty
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George Clooney’s new girlfriend seems nice

July 31st, 2009 // 121 Comments
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Here’s George Clooney’s new girlfriend 30-year-old Italian actress Elisabetta Canalis who apparently has a deep love for showing her breasts. Even while playing a nun. I love her already. Which is unfortunate because judging by a recent interview , she’s in for a world of disappointment with the Clooney. People reports:

“I have now become more fussy about who I date. And in any case my future boyfriend will have to share my bed with [her mini Doberman] Piero, too,” she recently told Italian magazine Tu. “Before in love I used to play much more, now I don’t want to waste any more time with wrong relationships. I just want someone who can make me find tranquility. I want to get home and find a person who can make me feel good.”

Jesus. She’s looking for a lasting relationship and thought George Clooney was the perfect candidate? The George Clooney who goes through cocktail waitresses like toilet paper? Seriously, I saw him use one the other day just to wipe mud off his tires. Then he balled her up and threw her at the neighbor kid for stepping on his lawn.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions of divine nipplegy.

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News
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Jon Gosselin: ‘Where the bitches at?’

July 31st, 2009 // 68 Comments
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Like any man with eight kids running around, Jon Gosselin spent yesterday afternoon at his Reading home picking up chicks who just show up at his fence like some sort of magical delivery service. Coincidentally, these pics will also appear as Exhibits A-H in the inevitable custody battle that ends with Jon only being allowed to visit his kids in a pool full of hand sanitizer. Well played, sir.

NOTE: Included a pic of Jon inexplicably wearing Kate’s hat just to pour salt on the wounds of anyone wondering why they can’t get laid. I’m adorable.

Photos: Flynet
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