Archive for June, 2009

Madonna and the newest addition to her child army

June 29th, 2009 // 38 Comments
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Here’s Madonna and Mercy, her latest adopted daughter from Malawi, in London yesterday, and don’t be fooled: They want you to think they’re getting into a car when, in reality, Madonna will wait for the opportune moment to sprout wings and alight upon the steeple of a church where she’ll feed on stray birds and the sins of others. On a related note, anyone else surprised to see Madonna has a reflection? Never would’ve called that one.

Photos: Flynet
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Kellie Pickler secretly dating Kid Rock for over a year

June 29th, 2009 // 73 Comments
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Former American Idol contest and country star Kellie Pickler announced during a radio interview she’s been secretly dating Kid Rock for over a year, according to Associated Content. The 23-year-old singer is 15 years younger than Kid Rock which has to be awesome considering he used to sleep with Pamela Anderson. It must be nice having sex with someone who doesn’t feel like a leather couch stuffed with sand and hepatitis. Not to mention, there’s a 100% less chance of Dr. Feelgood vinyl falling out post-coitus. That’s still on the record player.

Photos: Getty
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Megan Fox bails on ‘Roseboy’

June 29th, 2009 // 58 Comments

In the hustle and bustle of the UK premiere of Transformers, Megan Fox unknowingly blew off 11-year-old Harvey Kindlon (above) who was trying to give the actress a yellow rose. Since then, Kodak offered a $5,000 reward to find out the boy’s identity then plopped him on a plane to New York to try and meet Megan on Today Thursday. But, no stranger to screwing over young boys, Michael Jackson died crushing Harvey’s chance. Page Six reports:

But Fox was bumped after Michael Jackson’s death, and she’s since returned to LA. A source tells Page Six, “Kodak basically put this kid on a plane on the off-chance that he’d get to meet her. They never even confirmed with ‘Today.’ Now they’re offering him around for interviews. It’s exploitative and creepy.” A rep for “Today” says, “Harvey was never scheduled to appear and we don’t plan to have him on.”

Of course, there’s an easier solution for Harvey to meet Megan. All he has to do is stab Brian Austin Green to death leaving me no choice but to comfort Megan. (In the vagina.) Afterward, we’ll all play Rock Band and eat cookies. Yay! Doesn’t that sound like fun, champ? It sure does. Here’s a knife.

Photos: WENN
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Kendra Wilkinson leaves for honeymoon

June 29th, 2009 // 46 Comments
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Newlyweds Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Basket were spotted at LAX Sunday as they prepared to fly to St. Lucia for their honeymoon. I love how Kendra’s shirt reads “High Maintenance Bride.” Because what’s more attractive then a woman who lets you know she’s going to be an unbelievable bitch that you can’t escape without forking over 75% of your money in alimony and child support? No, really, I’d be aroused right now if I wasn’t hiding under my desk praying for cancer before a pair of fake tits tricks me down the aisle. (Don’t get any ideas, ladies.)

Photos: Mavrix
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Michael Jackson autopsy details are a fake

June 29th, 2009 // 31 Comments

Details from Michael Jackson’s autopsy that appeared in The Sun are reportedly fake, according to TMZ. However, keep in mind this is like the National Enquirer calling Us Weekly a liar. Or vice versa.

That said, the supposedly fake report claims Michael was only 112 pounds, bald except for a tiny amount of peach fuzz and covered in surgical scars. Which is pretty much exactly what I’d imagine Michael Jackson’s body would look like. But with a GameBoy implanted in his abdomen. (You were thinking it, too.)

Photos: Splash News
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Diddy flips out during Michael Jackson tribute party

June 29th, 2009 // 71 Comments

Sean “Diddy” Combs flipped the fuck out Saturday night when guests at a Michael Jackson tribute party dared to celebrate the King of Pop’s death by, gasp!, enjoying his music. What a bunch of dicks. NY Daily News reports:

Diddy became irate when party guests at L.A. hot spot MyHouse seemed to be having too much of a good time while celebrating Jacko’s life.
Toward the end of the evening, the rapper abruptly stopped playing a remixed version of “Man in the Mirror” to dedicate a moment of silence to the singer and then told guests like Queen Latifah, Taraji P. Henson, Wesley Snipes and Hill Harper, “While you guys are talking and laughing, you’re not hearing his words. You’re not listening to his words. I need you to hear what he’s saying! Listen to the message that he is telling us.”
He then resumed his lecture while blasting “Mirror” at full volume, shouting over the music, “Michael, I hear your words — I hear what you’re saying!”

Isn’t the message to “Man in the Mirror” about changing one’s ways? Then why did Diddy keep acting like his usual drama queen self? Maybe it’s because, I dunno, he wasn’t listening to the words either. Great. Now Michael’s never gonna get into Heaven. Way to go, Diddy. Now look what you did.

Photo: Getty
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