Archive for May, 2009

MTV Movie Awards 2009

May 31st, 2009 // 104 Comments

Here’s an assload of shots from the 2009 MTV Movie Awards last night. I don’t really have much to say about a program that recognizes Twilight as a superior film than The Dark Knight except we’re basically doomed as a civilization. Oh, and also, Lauren Conrad looks fucking ridiculous, Cameron Diaz is old and Kristen Stewart couldn’t be more baked if the entire stage was made of ganja.

Okay, I’m done.

Photos: Getty

Kate Gosselin in a bikini

May 31st, 2009 // 196 Comments

I’ve been doing a lot of Jon and Kate Gosselin coverage these past few weeks, and while this train wreck continued its path of destruction, I kept joking to myself “Jesus. What’s next? Kate in a bikini shots?” — Ta da! These were taken in North Carolina this morning where she’s vacationing without Jon, and I’m pretty sure I just made all this happen with my mind. Sorry, everybody. Sorry!

Photos: Splash News

Megan Fox is swimsuity

May 31st, 2009 // 84 Comments

Here are some teaser shots of Megan Fox in the July issue of GQ which more than make up for the Levi Johnston debacle. Actually, these could probably make up for a number of crimes committed by GQ including, but not limited to, dropping napalm on my testicles and using the last McNugget sauce. — Okay, maybe not the last one. Let’s be realistic.

Photos: GQ

Octomom lands reality show, book deal

May 31st, 2009 // 33 Comments

Who didn’t see this coming? Nadya “Octomom” Suleman has not only landed a book deal but finally found a production company for her reality show, according to People:

Suleman’s attorney Jeff Czech calls the series a “quasi-reality” show, explaining that instead of having a dozen cameramen tromping around her house 24 hours a day, film crews will only document select milestones, such as birthdays and other special events.
“Nadya knows she has to do something,” says Czech. “But she doesn’t want the constant filming because she feels that would be taking advantage of her kids. She’s trying to find the middle ground and feels this approach will work best.”
Czech also insists that his client doesn’t want her series to resemble Jon and Kate Gosselin’s show.
“She’s been watching them a bit lately and thinks it’s boring,” says Czech.

Aw snap! Jon and Kate just got Octo-slapped! Okay, now that that’s out of the way, here’s how you can spot the parts of the show that are “quasi-reality”:

1. Any scene where Octomom tries to buy a pair of shoes and doesn’t ask the cashier if they accept “baby” as a form of payment.
2. Anytime you see Octomom withdrawal cash from the ATM instead of asking a crewmember to impregnate her.
3. All scenes involving nannies not jumping out the window with a baby under each arm screaming “Muchacha es el diablo!”
4. Montages featuring Octomom raising her children. (The CGI should tip you off.)
5. Kooky tea parties with Gloria Allred.

Melanie Brown in a bikini

May 31st, 2009 // 78 Comments

Melanie Brown (a.k.a. Scary Spice) signed autographs at Tao Beach in Vegas yesterday, and fuck me, those are some ripped abs. Granted, they don’t hold a candle to my own, but for the fairer sex those are some impressive abdominals. Seriously, if Melanie and I got together, my neighbors would think two knights were battling in my bedroom from all the steel-on-steel action: *CLANG* *CLANG* “Excalibur usually stays in the stone longer, I swear.” *CLANG*

Photos: Splash News

Levi Johnston poses shirtless for GQ

May 31st, 2009 // 80 Comments

Here’s Levi Johnston, the kid who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol just in time for her vice-presidential nomination, posing shirtless for GQ with baby Tripp. While the article was an interesting read, I don’t know what to make of these photos except I’m pretty sure allowing your infant son to appear naked in a widely-circulated men’s magazine probably won’t ease the Palin’s visitation restrictions. Then again, he did pose with a gun, so we’ll call this one a wash.

Photos: GQ
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