Archive for April, 2009

Hulk Hogan’s ex cashes in on OJ comment

April 28th, 2009 // 61 Comments
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Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife Linda is jumping all over his comment that he thought about going OJ on her. She’s using the remark to squeeze more money out of their divorce settlement, according to TMZ:

Linda Hogan just filed papers in Pinellas County, Fla. claiming she needs an additional $8,200 a month from Hulk so she can move “thousands of miles away” from him because Linda feels she’s in “imminent danger of becoming a victim.”
She’s also asking for $24,000 for “advanced rent and security deposits” to set up shop in sunny California.

Or here’s a thought, Linda, if you’re really scared of Hulk you can move somewhere modest and quiet that’s not only affordable but far, far away from the public eye. — Wait, why did she run out of the room screaming? Is Hulk wielding a knife behind me? Oh, I said “affordable.” Whoops.

Photos: Fame
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Heidi & Spencer honeymoon in Mexico. Yes, that Mexico.

April 28th, 2009 // 84 Comments
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Because Jesus prohibits the learning of natural selection, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are honeymooning in Mexico this week. Turns out there’s some sort of influenza going on down there. Maybe you guys have heard of it – everywhere. Anyway, they had some free time to call in to Ryan Seacrest this morning which is exactly what I’d be doing with my fake-breasted bride on my honeymoon. If a stingray ate my penis. People reports:

On a “pre-honeymoon” in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, the pair are “wearing face masks everywhere we go. We’re in isolation, we’re in full hiding,” Pratt told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday morning.
The couple, who held a wedding Saturday in California, went to Mexico for Montag to shoot a music video.
With the outbreak of the flu, which has so far killed 149 people in Mexico, the couple is being extra cautious. “Every second we’re washing our hands,” Montag told Seacrest.
“Since it’s a recession,” said Pratt, “we just might go to Santa Monica Beach.”

Dear Mexico,

Mucho dinero. Muerte para los diablos blancos.

The Superficial

Photos: Pacific Coast News
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Lindsay Lohan still wearing a bikini

April 28th, 2009 // 166 Comments
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Lindsay Lohan continues her Hawaiian vacation, and after looking at these shots, I’m convinced she’s trying to land the role of Gollum in The Hobbit. Seriously, all that’s missing is her eating a raw fis- Wow, I’m going to stop right there.

NOTE: According to this pic, apparently I was way off on Sam and Lindsay’s relationship. Way, way off. Did not see that coming.

Photos: Flynet, Splash News
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Pamela Anderson is a hypocrite

April 28th, 2009 // 92 Comments
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Here’s PETA advocate Pamela Anderson, who not too long ago protested outside a KFC, opening up the Sapphire Steakhouse and Gentleman’s Club in New York City last night. But, hey, we’re in a recession and principles don’t pay for hepatitis meds. That said, what was the thought process in inviting Pamela Anderson? Besides finding someone who looks like she peeled herself off the floor just in time for her diner shift. Or did I pretty much nail it right there?

Photos: Fame, WENN
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Hugh Jackman gets his balls handed to him

April 28th, 2009 // 30 Comments

For anyone hoping for a director’s cut of Wolverine featuring some Hugh Jackman wang, get ready to cry. Turns out footage of the actor’s man parts is now kept securely in a sack, according to OK! Magazine:

“It’s easy to jump off a waterfall naked, but for a PG-13 movie?! It took a lot of choreography!” he tells Entertainment Tonight.
Hugh will be the only one from now on to see those racy scenes, as he reveals what he calls, “the greatest wrap present” he’s “ever gotten.”
“Our director gave me a small little bag and inside it where about 8 bits of film, all cut. I said that’s interesting, then I held it up to the light and I said, ‘Ok, now I know why that’s in a bag!’ Now it’s in my safe somewhere. My privates in a bag!”

If someone gave me footage of my testicles, do you know what I’d say to them? “Thank you.” Because I’m polite, courteous and a serial re-gifter.

Photo: WENN
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Paris Hilton to receive legitimate award

April 27th, 2009 // 57 Comments
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Based on the success of her perfume lines, Paris Hilton has been announced as the Celebrity of the Year Award by The Fragrance Foundation. She’ll be officially recognized at the 2009 FiFi Awards in May, according to Parlux Fragrances who will extend her contract another five years.

So help me out here, a committee of rational adults sat together in a room and decided Paris Hilton was worthy of international prestige and recognition? — Have these people actually met her? I mean, they know she’s not a cartoon character, right? Sure, the wonk-eye isn’t doing any favors, but that’s a human being up there. At least in the biological sense.

Photos: Getty
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