Archive for April, 2009

Jennifer Aniston still hates children

April 30th, 2009 // 39 Comments
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- Jennifer Aniston is NOT adopting a baby. No, Angelina would be expecting that. But a dolphin…. [PopSugar]

- Hugh Jackman bought breakfast for 800 Wolverine fans waiting in line in Arizona. See, kids, never having sex does pay off. Free bagels?! That’s way better than a vagina! Awww yeah! [ICYDK]

- Paul Abdul apparently still doesn’t realized she was duped by Sacha Baron Cohen for his upcoming movie Bruno. She does, however, know that gin is delicious. Yum yum. [Videogum]

- Daniel Craig wearing sweatpants. Hey, sometimes even James Bond feels like a fatty and doesn’t want to leave the house. Fortunately, escort services deliver. God save the Queen! [Best Week Ever]

- Madonna gives Guy Ritchie the kids for the entire summer. Then again, that’s when she slumbers 10,000 feet below the Earth’s crust, and a Wii will only entertain them for so long. [Allie is Wired]

- Sarah Palin vs. Ann Coulter: It’s like someone figured out what I think about when I masturbate. Then substituted Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter. [Jezebel]

Photos: Splash News
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Lindsay & Ali Lohan learn to surf

April 30th, 2009 // 73 Comments
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Here’s shots of Lindsay Lohan and her sister Ali taking surfing lessons in Maui yesterday, and I gotta hand it to Lindsay. This whole “vacation” is probably the smartest thing she’s ever done. I mean, what else does Lindsay have now that her lesbian relationship is over? It’s pretty obvious her immediate reaction was “I need to get these puppies in a bikini and in front of some paps STAT! Just as soon as I climb out of this storm drain I slipped through. Dammit…”

Photos: Pacific Coast News
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Madonna scorned by Hampton villagers

April 30th, 2009 // 36 Comments
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Even though she possesses the Hands of Death, Madonna is surprisingly not welcome in the Hamptons, according to Page Six:

A couple of weekends ago, Madonna, who recently signed a contract for a townhouse on East 81st Street, stayed at the beautiful Wolffer Estate Vineyards in Sagaponack. But our sources report she wasn’t interested in buying the 12,000-square-foot, Tuscan-style villa and 100 acres, which have been on the market since the winery’s well-liked founder, Christian Wolffer, died in a freak boating accident in Brazil on New Year’s Eve — she just wanted to board her horses at the winery’s stables.
Madonna then presented the estate with a 10-page list of demands, according to our source. Among the stipulations were that “no one could be in the riding ring at the same time she was. It was laughable. They turned her down flat.”

This naturally resulted in Madonna taking to the air and breathing fire upon a nearby Crate and Barrel until a suitable number of Lexuses were sacrificed in her honor.

Photos: Splash News
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Sean Penn files for divorce. For real this time.

April 30th, 2009 // 48 Comments

Sean Penn has filed for divorce from Robin Wright-Penn, and this time he means it. TMZ reports:

According to papers filed last week in Marin County Superior Court, Penn cites “irreconcilable differences.” The couple was married 13 years and has two minor children.
Penn wants each party to pay for their own lawyers. And, he checked the box saying he wants the judge to terminate the court’s power to award spousal support.
The couple announced they were divorcing in December 2007 — but recanted four months later after changing their minds.

Of course, if I had sex with Natalie Portman, I’d probably get a divorce, too. But then again, why bother having sex again after that? Everything else will just pale in comparison, so you might as well stay married and never have sex again. Stop me if I’m making too much sense.

Photo: Getty
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Heidi Montag in a bikini

April 30th, 2009 // 198 Comments
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Since I just posted about fake breasts and dumb, what better follow-up than Heidi Montag in a bikini? Here she is on her honeymoon in Mexico, and of course, even then she’s still posing for pics. Seriously, I bet this chick can’t go to the bathroom without taking at least three paparazzi and enough lighting equipment to render a pregnancy test pointless.

“It’s a girl, Ms. Montag!”
“Neat. *FLUSH* I’m gonna pose next to the towel rack now.”

Photos: Pacific Coast News
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Miss California goes to Washington

April 30th, 2009 // 194 Comments

The controversial Miss California Carrie Prejean stopped by The Today Show this morning to announce she’ll be joining the National Organization for Marriage and their “Gathering Storm” in Washington to campaign against gay marriage. E! News reports:

“I think this is a huge issue right now. People are very passionate of this issue. I think regardless of our opinions, we just need to respect each other when we disagree. It’s all about respect.”
If so, somebody forgot to tell the organizers of the Miss California pageant, whose codirector Keith Lewis today released the following statement on Prejean’s foray into political activism:
“In the entire history of Miss USA, no reigning titleholder has so readily committed her face and voice to a more divisive or polarizing issue. We are deeply saddened Carrie Prejean has forgotten her platform of the Special Olympics, her commitment to all Californians, and solidified her legacy as one that goes beyond the right to voice her beliefs–revealing instead a much more opportunistic agenda.”

Of course, the most hilarious aspect of this story is it comes off the heels of Shanna Moakler’s revelation to Access Hollywood that The Miss California Organization paid for Carrie to get breast implants:

The organization paid for Carrie’s breast enhancement prior to her competing in the Miss USA pageant, which was held in Las Vegas, almost two weeks ago.
“It was something that we all spoke about together,” Shanna said referring to herself, Carrie and Keith Lewis, Shanna’s co-executive director. “It was an option and she wanted it. And we supported that decision.”

So, let me get this straight, Jesus is cool with fake tits, morally bankrupt beauty pageants and constant media whoring, but not gay marriage? Huh. I never really pictured JC as a homophobic douchebag from Orange County, but that seems to be the message these days. Keep spreading the Good News, Carrie!

Video: MSNBC
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