79th Annual Academy Awards

February 26th, 2007 // 124 Comments
superficial

  1. Lowlands

    Jennifer Lopez)Looks like she’s dressed like a greek goddess.I didn’t know she loves the ‘Greek’ culture so much.
    Beyonce Knowles)Looks fabulous as always.Nice curvy,i always asked myself how it will be to have her massive thighs around my waist.I’m telling you she’ll be able to squeeze any man-juice outta the guy with her thighs.Hummm,i’m wondering why she isn’t pregnant yet…
    Reese whiterspoon)Good choice of dress.
    Zhang Ziyi)She must have thought she’s gonna attend a Latin party or something.
    Kate winslet)Good choice of dress.
    Cate Blanchett)She must have been inspired by the Scandinavion mythology,being dressed here in this chainmail like the goddess Freia.

  2. Must…refrain…from…using…Witherspoon photos…for…devious…purposes!

  3. MargeAggedon

    J-lo looks great from the boobs up but the rest of that dress needs some form because it looks like she’s trying to hide something under it.

    Cameron Diaz looks like she should be on the top of a wedding cake. This is the “What I would have worn if Justin hadn’t dumped my leathery hide”-look.

    Beyonce KNowles appears to have just arrived from the “miss gardenia” festival or perhaps she’s auditioning for the part of mother nature in the next ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ commercial?

    Reese Witherspoon looks great. No question.

    Anne Hathaway looks like she wandered out of a “my fair lady” revival looking for food. Someone throw her a biscuit will ya?

    Jennifer Hudson looked like she dressed for this moment in the 80′s.

    To create Penelope’s dress an entire flock of flamingo’s gave their lives. I love the bodice but the feathers are too much.

    Nicole Kidman was represented by this life sized wax replica. [love the almost identical lady behind her too.]

    Zhang Ziyi appears to be wearing a series of worn yellowed slips that she pulled from her grandmother’s hope chest.

    Kate Winslet is perfect.

    Is naomi watts wearing wrinkled bedroom curtains? And is that a pillow underneath?

    Cate Blanchett looks cold.

  4. llllllllll

    I think Nicole Kidman should play the Brain if they ever decide to make a Pinky and the Brain movie.

  5. Lowlands

    #54)Now i’m getting real curious,who’s gonna play Pinky?

  6. llllllllll

    #55 hold on let me take another look at him brb

  7. Stink

    They’re all dumb enough to play Pinky.

  8. jrzmommy

    And someone please tell me that what I saw introduced as Clive Owen was really not Clive Owen? His suit was so tight that his body looked teeny tiny and his head looked ginormous…..that was just a joke, right?

  9. llllllllll

    ok I take that back..I think Nicloe Kidman should be the raw looking tall redeyed Pinky. The raw looking manly shaped singer Pink should be Brain… and Jennifer Hudson will play their turd.

  10. wtf

    Kate Winslet is a man, baby!

  11. RichPort

    Did Jodie Foster graduate from the Clooney School of Confused Sexuality? She was looking very macho yesterday.

  12. Stink

    Nicole Kidman is stuck in her role from The Stepford Wives. Dammit woman, BLINK!

  13. sol

    last week i had a really hard time peeling back the tinfoil on a Hungry Man meatloaf dinner, and when i gave up it looked almost exactly like Jennifer Hudson’s pictures.

  14. rc

    Penelope Cruz might have killed many teddy bears to make that dress. Probably dancing flamenco

  15. llllllllll

    Jennifer hudson for Hungryman tinfoil Meatlof spokesman!

  16. meee

    i hate reese witherspoons big pointy chin.

    penelope cruz is gorgeous but has a silly dress.

    nicole kidman needs an eyebrow reshaping so she doesn’t look permanently pissed off.

    who the fuck is that asian girl?

    and i hate kate winslet’s mouth.

    the end!

  17. alaskanchicsickle

    Jennifer Hudson is one of those beautiful chubby girls. Her skin is flawless and I wish I had her lips.

  18. wtf

    Jennifer Hudson does look like a frozen Salisbury Steak dinner

  19. sol

    I agree with #48. Reese Witherspoon looks awesome. And if her career falters, you can always turn her over, hold her feet, and plow the earth using her chin. That’d be a very Earth-friendly way to work the land; Al Gore would approve. When it’s time to sow the seeds, you just have to do the same thing with Penelope Cruz, this time using her nose – it’d make a perfect furrow in the soil. Throw in Cameron Diaz and Gwyneth Paltrow (scarecrows), along with Jennifer Hudson (to manure the fields) and you’ve got a working farm. Who said Hollywood people are useless?

  20. RichPort

    #67 – Don’t get me wrong, she could do a Antonella Barba on me, but I’d show my appreciation by presenting her with Jenny Craig gift vouchers. That and by the looks of her, she always swallows. That adds at least a few pretty points.

  21. wtf

    Cameron Diaz looks like a poo

  22. alaskanchicsickle

    @50 That man looks more like the living dead than an alien. Zombies can’t reproduce, can they?

  23. llllllllll

    Cameron Diaz’s face looks like a victim of meat tenderizing blows

  24. wtf

    I think the winner is that lady with the white sunglasses and orange shirt in the crowd in Cameron Diaz’ 4th pic

  25. alaskanchicsickle

    @70 Right you are Ken.

  26. lambman

    Naomi Watts and Nicole Kidman look best, way to go Australia.

    And if you’re wondering where the 3rd Dream Girl is, look no further than Jennifer Hudson’s stomach

  27. llllllllll

    lol

  28. shakeitout

    i think reese looks adorable. apparently she’s the only one who knows how to dress herself.

  29. whitegold

    Now I’m not normally all that in to Beyonce, but when she was performing, she looked so damn fine! And at that moment I started realizing why all those people keep saying how hot she is.

    And speaking of that performance, I was truly shocked that I never got a nipple shot from Hudson. I dunno how things massive things managed to remain in that dress!!!

  30. llllllllll

    Jennifer Hudson comes off as one of those supposedly “BBW” who believe their bodies are Gods gift to men. I believe I know where cheese is churrned, just spread apart those massive boulders of meat she has on her chest. I think I’ve given up meatloaf hungrymen meals forever.

  31. anustasi

    Hudson deserved her Oscar, she gave a whale of a performance.

  32. biatcho

    Rich, I struggled to stay with you through your lust for Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez, but Jennifer Hudson??? Dooooooooode! I guess you really love smoking your fatties…

  33. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Fuckin hell, all these tacky bitches and not even ONE nip slip??? No wardrobe malfunctions(other than the obvious shitty clothing choices)?? God damn it, what am I even here for??!! Thanks a fucking LOT Superfish **STOMPS OFF** :D

  34. biatcho

    Hey Rich, I am sure you know that I certainly would never use the word “dooooooooooode” so Wally wants to know why you’re into fatties, both smoked & porked.

  35. wtf

    For Cameron Diaz – It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the sun again!

  36. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Oh yeah, and JLo, Beyonce, Cameron & Anne all look like discount shop brides.

  37. biatcho

    I began to undo RichPort’s jeans. But when I dropped my hands
    down in his boxers and grabbed him, I fumbled around for
    a couple of seconds, and when I finally got a hold
    around his shaft I pulled my hand out with a gasp.

    “What was that?” I asked RichPort.

    “What was what?” He asked.

    “Wait,” I said, and pushed him back. I reached back
    and turned on the sink lights. While still only wearing
    my panties I tenderly opened his pants up again and
    pushed them down.

    “Oh my god,” I said when I had pushed them down far
    enough.

    “What?” RichPort asked, now self-conscious and a little red in
    the face. “What’s wrong?”

    “Uh… nothing’s wrong. It’s just… ummm… I’ve never
    seen one that big before. Wow.”

    With a nervous smile on my face I grabbed it with both
    hands. Running my fingers around its width I just
    stared at it and explored its length.

    I started to gently stroke it, with both hands. My
    eyes never unlocked from his cock, and it wasn’t just a
    matter of giving RichPort a hand job; I was in awe as I
    handled it.

  38. RichPort

    #87 – Is that like a Mad Libs for porn? I remember that exact scene, except it wasn’t Biatcho, it was your mom. Stop trying to fuck up the thread idiot.

  39. biatcho

    I feel a teensy bit sorry for the troll that jacks off to the online barely-pornographic stories it makes up. It has to suck when that is your only form of sexual activity. Are you one of those boys who also whacks off to animated cartoon, video game & comic book characters with big boobies?

  40. Luy Sel

    I cant believe how horrible Nicole Kidman is looking. Fine, she hasnt looked nice the past 5 years, but she could at least try to find something flattering to wear so I wont have to stare at her freakish face. Blanchett, Watts, Witherspoon, looking lovely.

  41. biatcho

    Rich, I wasn’t trying to fuck you up. And don’t be so hard on yourself – you’re annoyingly self-important, but you’re not the “thread idiot”.

  42. brujeriadiosa

    J-Lo & Esqueleto are my favorite Boriqunas!

  43. vaselineintensive

    zhang ziyi is using her hair to cover up her lack of cleavage, there’s probably just a giant gaping hole if you lift up that hair

    she’s not a cupcake, she’s a donut

  44. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Hey Britney, this is what you look and act like when you are going through a divorce with 2 small children!

  45. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Reese looks fab~Hey Britney, this is what you look and act like when you are going through a divorce with 2 small children!

  46. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Typekey is a bitch today:(

  47. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Typekey is a bitch today:(

  48. mrs.t

    #88 – RichPort, after all your “my big johnson” comments you get insulted by a big johnson porno story??? I’m confused. I must have fallen asleep during diversity training when they explained how this type of thinking works.

  49. mrs.t

    Rich: #98 is not me. Disregard.

  50. mrs.t

    I can prove it – as my kids can tell you, at 11:38 AM the dog was cumming in my mouth.

Leave A Comment