Archive for February, 2007

VIDEO: Paris Hilton flees autograph signing

February 16th, 2007 // 58 Comments

This is the video footage of Paris Hilton getting stuff thrown at her while signing autographs in Vienna yesterday. Although it’s kind of disappointing since all they threw was little pieces of trash. If they really wanted to make a point they should’ve gone with my idea and thrown a 900 lb Grizzly Bear.

Daniel Radcliffe bares his butt

February 16th, 2007 // 127 Comments
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Daniel Radcliffe’s new play Equis premieres tonight in which he allegedly gets completely naked on stage for 10 minutes. So if you’re looking at the above picture and thinking to yourself “yummy” then maybe the play is for you. As is psychiatric help. Oh, and don’t thank me for the picture. Your high-pitched shrieking and gasps of horror are all the thanks I need. And I hate to break it to you, but if you’re a dude and you looked at the picture you’re automatically gay now. It’s science.

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Foxy Brown attacks again

February 16th, 2007 // 67 Comments
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Rapper Foxy Brown was arrested in Florida yesterday for battery and obstruction of justice after a disturbance at a beauty supply shop. There weren’t any further details, although in a similar incident in New York last October she was sentenced to three years probation and anger management classes for assaulting two nail-salon stylists over a $20 manicure, and was ordered to stay away from the manicurists for the next five years.

Can you imagine going into a beauty shop expecting to look beautiful but coming out looking like Foxy Brown? You’d be crazy not to attack the people you thought were responsible.

Paris Hilton gets trash thrown at her

February 15th, 2007 // 119 Comments
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Paris Hilton is currently in Austria to attend the prestigious Vienna Opera Ball, but when she appeared at the Vienna mall today to sign autographs she had to be pulled away by security guards because the crowd started throwing trash at her. Included in the items thrown were cigarette packs, tissues, and lipstick. Hilton later dismissed the incident as “no big deal” and said she loved her fans. She also ran into trouble in Germany yesterday because her passport had expired, and she needed the U.S. ambassador to Austria to vouch for her.

Taking questions from some 100 reporters earlier, Hilton said she “loved” classical music and that she grew up listening to it. “As a little girl, it really helped me fall asleep at night,” she said, adding later that she “really loved” old Michael Jackson songs, Madonna and hip-hop. Hilton said there were “a lot of people who need help” in the world and that she planned to go to Africa sometime this year. “As a celebrity, you can really make people aware of what’s going on in the world,” she said.

She’s attending the Opera Ball and said she enjoys classical music because it’s so boring it helps her fall asleep. Nice. And only Paris Hilton could have trash thrown at her and misinterpret that as loving fans. She’s in such denial you could push her down and pee on her while yelling: “Take that, you useless whore!” and she’d laugh it off and tell everybody her fans love pulling pranks on her.

Thanks to Sonia for the tip, and for having much nicer eyes than this.

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Britney Spears’ ex-assistant expresses disapproval

February 15th, 2007 // 102 Comments
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Britney Spears’ former long-time assistant of nine years, Felicia Culotta, posted an email on a fan site speaking out against Britney’s recent hijinks. She writes:

“I cherish ALL the incredible opportunities that came my way thru my job with Britney and am crushed/saddened/heart sick by the way her life is unfolding. There’s just so much you can do to help a person – I don’t dare want to be an enabler, and I cannot love her enough for the both of us. I cannot convince her in ANY way to love herself. I’m so Southern, and the BEST way for me to tell you how I feel is to say – You can just kick an old Dog so many times before he gets off the porch. I, FELICIA, am OFF the porch!!”

I can’t really make sense of the email but from what I can gather Britney Spears kept kicking her assistant until she got off her porch. Is that right? No wait, her assistant is sad because she loves Britney Spears like an old Dog. Wait. Okay, just wait. Fuck. She’s proposing? This is a marriage proposal.

Mariah Carey still a ridiculous human being

February 15th, 2007 // 110 Comments
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Mariah Carey was reportedly asked to travel in economy class to cut costs on her new film Tennessee, but being Mariah Carey she bought out every single economy seat on the plane and flew alone in the cabin. Common sense says if you’re gonna pay enough money to buy out every seat in economy you might as well upgrade to business class. But this is Mariah Carey we’re talking about, so common sense isn’t really an option. I hear she wipes her ass with live minks and eats her cereal with $100 bills instead of a spoon. It was on CNN or something.

In case you forgot just how insane Mariah Carey really is here’s a little reminder.