Archive for November, 2006

Michael Jackson is greedy greedy greedy

November 16th, 2006 // 56 Comments

So not only was Michael Jackson’s performance at the World Music Awards highly disappointing, but apparently he had one of the most expensive concert riders ever. His set of demands cost more than $470,000 and included a private jet, 20 first-class and business-class plane tickets for his entourage, a five-star hotel that cost almost $100,000 a night, and KFC.

What kind of crazy ass hotel costs $100,000 a night? And who exactly are their target customers? There are maybe six people in the world who could actually afford something like that. Whoever was in charge of getting the World Music Awards put together really dropped the ball here. If anybody asks for a hotel costing $100,000 a night you say no. And then you slap them in the face for even suggesting it. Their money would’ve been better spent being flushed down the toilet or fed to a rabid bear.

Michael Jackson sucks balls, not children’s

November 16th, 2006 // 111 Comments
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Michael Jackson made his stage comeback yesterday night in London at the World Music Awards, but reviews have been incredibly bad, some calling it a flop, an “embarrassing comeback”, and the Sun even gave it a one out of a possible five stars. Reports also mention that he only sang four lines and couldn’t hit his high notes. And to make sure the entire night was dedicated to mediocrity, Lindsay Lohan hosted the show, but was booed twice when she messed up her lines. The only way the event could’ve been any more of a joke is if they invited somebody like Paris Hilton to attend. Oh wait, check.

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Paris Hilton still being photographed

November 15th, 2006 // 77 Comments
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It’s been awhile since Paris HIlton has done anything so I figured I’d put up these shots of her at the World Music Awards to remind you what she looks like. Although Paris Hilton attending the World Music Awards is like Mariah Carey attending the Oscars. Or Paris Hilton attending the Oscars. Or Paris Hilton attending any event which requires any sort of skill or talent. You’d think her contributions to the world of music would have her banned from things like this by now. Ya know, or shot.

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George Clooney is sexiest man alive

November 15th, 2006 // 89 Comments

They must’ve missed all your write in votes for me because People magazine has named George Clooney Sexiest Man Alive for 2006, joining Brad Pitt as a two-time honoree. On being awarded the honor Clooney says:

“This one’s going to be hard for Brad (Pitt) since he’s been Sexiest Man Alive twice. He’s enjoyed that mantle. I’d say ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ to him and he’d go, ‘Two-time.’ So that’s been taken away. We used to call him Two Time. So Brad’s going to be upset.”

We can all agree that George Clooney is famous – he certainly is famous – but sexiest man alive? I saw at least three guys sexier on my way to lunch. I also saw three mirrors. Coincidence? I think not.

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Kevein Federline writes mean stuff on doors

November 15th, 2006 // 159 Comments
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The day after Britney Spears filed for divorce, the always ridiculous Kevin Federline used a Sharpie to write a message on the shower door of his dressing room at the House of Blues in Chicago where he performed, saying:

Today I’m a free man
Ladies look out
Fuck a wife
Give me my kids Bitch!

I mean there’s class, and then there’s class. And then there’s this guy, who has so much class he makes the Monopoly man look like a hobo. God forbid K-Fed ever gets a tuxedo, because the world isn’t ready for a man so classy grape juice would actually transform itself into wine for him.

NOTE: This clown has the handwriting of a kindergartner. It’s a wonder he even managed to spell words instead of just drawing a bunch of stars and smiley faces.

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Naomi Campbell strikes again

November 15th, 2006 // 58 Comments
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Naomi Campbell was sued again yesterday by a former maid who claims she assulted her while making bigoted remarks. The court papers call Campbell a “violent super-bigot” and claims she said things like: “You are not in the Third World any more, stupid” and “Romanians are not usually as dumb as you” all while kicking or punching the maid in the back of the head as she searched the closet for a pair of jeans.

They actually called her a ‘violent super-bigot.’ That’s like a whole other class of bigot usually reserved for old men who live in secret lairs and plan the destruction of all those “damned Jews.” Ya know, like Mel Gibosn. Zing!

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