Hey guys a family emergency has come up and I have to leave the country very suddenly. I don’t know if I’ll have internet access so I might not be able to update for the rest of the week. If I do end up posting just ignore this, otherwise there might not be anything new until Monday. Although if something awesome happens like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have a pistol duel then by golly I’ll build my own internet network out of coconuts and post about it. Or I’ll fail miserably and end up with five very unusable coconuts. Six if I’m ambitious.

Looks like this harrowing saga just keeps going. Sunday evening Lindsay claimed Paris hit her with a drink at a house party, saying:

“[Paris Hilton] hit me last night for no reason, apparently, at my friend’s house, and I didn’t know she’d be there, and she hit me, and she hit me with a drink and poured it all over me, and it hurts, and it’s not okay.”

Then Monday morning she was seen with Britney and Paris outside the Beverly Hills Hotel and changed her story to:

“Paris never hit me. She’s my friend. Everyone lies about everything. … Please, stop trying to make us hate each other.”

And now it’s being reported that later that same day the two blew up at each other at Hyde, with Paris yelling at Lindsay:

“You’re a fucking coked-out whore; don’t ever say you’re my friend again!”

And as Paris and Britney headed back to Paris’s house after the incident, paparazzi recorded someone who sounds like Paris screaming:

“Tell that Firecrotch she’s no longer welcome!”

I’ve run out of things to say about these three so I put up a shot of Britney and Paris looking about as close to lesbian lovers as is possible without tongue kissing.