first!

Just gonna piss it out.

Like its news that she's a pre-madonna. I heard that she refused to do the kissing scene with Tupac in that boring ass movie they did together until he got a confirmed HIV test. The nerve! I didn't ask her to get a test before I let her suck my cock!

Oh to have positively nothing else in the world to think about but the temperature of the water I'm drinking. This is one trifling bitch.

@3 HA! That's hilarious! Everyone knows you can't get HIV from kissing. Or from anal.

At least she had her shirt on this time...

3--Careful. i noticed that you misspelled prima donna. Well, there's some cunt that's going around correcting misspellings and calling people idiots named veddyveddybadang. Your's however, is pretty clever, like a person who is practicing to be as diva-ish as Madonna, but hasn't quite gotten to Madonnadom yet, so they're a pre-Madonna. That's great.

idiot

@7 You didn't capitalize your "I"

uh oh...

9--get me my dunce cap.

God, celebrities are such spoiled bitches.

http://www.VeryLiberating.com

@7: You are biggest cunt on this site. Not only do we have to hear your "witty" comments 200 fucking times a post, God forbid, anyone say anything about you and you become this raging bitch.

Why don't you pull this stick out of your ass and fuck your uptight cunt with it. Maybe then we could all get a God damn break from you then.

I can't imagine what people on her payroll has to tolerate.

http://www.BadBreakups.net

Oh if it isn't shit face. I was wondering where you've been lately? I was hoping you had died or were at least terminaly ill. Hey did you learn those big bad cuss words when you were homeschooled?

Am I banned or what? Better clean up my act for this site. What's the deal? Am I too vulgar? Censor me fine. Well Mr. Fish. Meet Mr. Clean. I wrote this for you. It's not malicious at all and I think you will like it. It's called a day in the woods.

*******************************
"A Day In The Woods"

Inspired by Mr. Superfish

By: Hopeless_Screenwriter (The PG Version)

The sun, high risen, finished it's fill of
dew and mist, warmed the breeze and sounded
the trumpet pedals, creating a perfume like
absinthe kiss... sweetening orange maples
and lavendar oaks. Pheasant, and blue-jay, and rock-swallow leapt to wing chasing the shadows of the hills pearl-gray-veil resting upon them momentarily into a purple which the sun would make matchless a little later. And on broad wings, widening in circles a hawk surveys as a suspicious fox gallops in wonderment of the fading colors of summer.
*************************

Happy now fuckballs?
You want gay and retarded you got it?
Yeah Hoo, the new me PG-Version, ain't it inspiring?
Censored and looking for a nice temperate zinfindel and a tight young male ass to stab!
Any takers?

The New Hopeless

GAYER THAN LIFE

That's nothing. Last night I wasn't sure if my crackpipe was lit. so I made one of my assistants clench it between her asscheeks for a few minutes. If the skin blisters, it's hot enough.

Consider that guy lucky....imagine the guy who has to wipe her ass, with cotton imported from Morrocco and then powder it with talc from god damn wherever you get talc from. Jesus I hate these fucking spoiled assholes.

Actually they say that your body burns more calories when you drink cold beverages because it requires energy to warm it. So she's probaby trying to shed those last extra pounds in any way she can.

Oh, just in case Just_Me checks in: I don't really have assistants, I don't really smoke crack, and I don't make people stick things in their asscheeks (usually).

Apologies to everyone else who understands that sarcasm is sometimes used in these posts.

Oh Pretty Bird

Oh Pretty Bird
so pretty pretty bird
Oh so pretty Bird.

Sincerely,

Gayboy

I hate everyone and so should you.

Is Eartha Kitt making a comeback? I mean, that is Eartha Kitt, right?

This coming from the woman who used to eat a Honda for lunch and weighed about 800 pounds.

She obviously wasn't always that picky about what she crammed into that pie-hole of hers.

You don't hear anything about Tito pulling these ridiculous requests...

Was it a rectal therometer??

@15 (ampersand) 20 - Priceless, Hopeless - Were they #'s 219 (ampersand) 200 on your "365 Gay for the Day Poetry" desk calender?
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ampersand

220

JJ is still in the business? Who knew.

i seriously think celebrities have lost all sense of what it's like to be a normal human being. that's sad.

Anyone know where I can score some Vicodin?

we barely notice janet
her brother etc...

no[w] vicodin, that's a whole nother ting :)

#25 - I sure hope so. If I worked for some picky celebrity I would and they made stupid depands like that, I'd be sticking that thermometer in as many orifices as possible.

@25 I'm suicidal.

You have a problem with my poem?

What a waste of time trying to show you some culture, teaching you anything seems to be fruitless, like the time I taught you how to fire a shotgun using your big toe. What a waste.

Come visit us at:

www.spankcheeks.blogspot.com

If you dare.

I have a different screen name there. You are invited. Because I think you may have homosexual tendencies and that is what we are looking for.

Bring the Zinfandel

Hopeless.

@20 I will knock the gay right out of you; well right after I test some of my new toys out on your barse, I have to make sure they are just right because I'm a picky bitch myself. Afterwards, you, me, tongue borking.

you are ugly and thats sad
your anger makes me feel warm inside
scary doesnt even begin to cover it...have a great day you worthless turd!

$5 says they used rectal thermometers.

This elf fucker is one crappy album away from molesting little kids for publicity.

Who really gives a shit? I make my husband put his dick in my coffee every morning to make sure it's hot enough. Then I lick it off to make sure I put enough sugar in.

Half the world is falling apart or blowing itself up, and JJ has a staff checking her water temp, and making poor hardworking people lose their jobs because they didn't please her fast enough.

"Bob, we're letting you go. I'm sorry, but when Ms. Jackson was here last week, you didn't have cold Fijian spring water available fast enough, and we need to have our guests at the station feel comfortable. We need professional conduct here, and...no, Bob, stop crying, I know you have bills to pay, but that's just the way it is. I'm sorry."

Hey Boo, why not show us your poonaner at a basketball game before you release this CD? Huh? Whaddya say, you uppity bitch?

@32 I'm there, but a forgot the "Zinf"

I hope this bag of Ganja will suffice?

Suicide out.

@33 Alaskan: I see you got the message on my 'hyperaeromaneuverosity' fantasy. I give you 30 seconds and lights out. Please feel free to knock the gay out of me all you want. You igloo chicks can really Tongue Bork!

@37 Amanda: I can think of a better rendition of that, but it has to do with me dipping my cock in chocolate and you licking it off. Or better yet, I stick my erection in chocolate and when my erection goes away you have your very own real life size, 'Chocolate-My-cock'! Bring it to work and share it with your friends. Delicious.

Hopeless

Omg hopeless, how the hell did you know I like to share with friends?

Who wants to see her naked @ 80?

http://www.exposay.com/janet-jackson/1/c/1035/

#42 NO ONE (at least me) wants to see this bitch naked. She is so over!! Send her to Iraq with Lindsay and Heather Mills. Pleeeeeaaassse!!!!

@41 No one likes a 'Chocolate Cock' hog, besides there's plenty to go around. Plenty.

hopeless

All bow to the Vicoden gawd! "oh holy high! Oh holy high!"

Janet!! Don't U know that UR Fiji H20 is going 2 change its temperature when U add 20 oz of Grape Kool-Aide?! TCLTSC!

Now, I like Figi water myself, but taking it's temperature. My god, what in the world makes someone think that they need that level of care. Do people pre-warm her toilet seats for her too?

http://www.holisticwisdom.com

SHE LIKES HER WATER COLD I LIKE MY NIGGER BITCHES BLACK WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT
FOR REAL THOUGH

@48 Hey Justin, I fucked your honor student!!!
Oh shit, nevermind, Iggers don't have honor students. They just have kid's. Fucking racist. Justin Igger is an asshole!!!!!!!!

Who cares about her and her water!!!

Where the fuck is Michael the Molester? What is he up to (no pun intended) now-a-days?

I think if the only guy I could find to screw around with was some record producer midget, his carny hands all over my body would leave me pretty cold, too.

We have this stuff down in Texas called "ice." It chills stuff pretty good. You'd think them rich people would have heard of it by now. I mean, I know Janet's probably got her hands full trying to keep her boobs from dropping, but you'd think one of her assistants could Google "chill" or "cold water" and come up with a source for ice in London. Guess not.

I didn't have anything against Janet before, but if this story's true, what a dumbass. You'd think being a former fatty (as well as being from the same gene pool as Michael) would have given her a little humility. Again, apparently not.

I really hate that family.

My bet is there's usually a good mix of saliva in that chilled Fijian water she drinks....

And I would like to officially add Janet to my list of numb cunts I'd like to punch in the twat.

So far:
Madonna,
Lindsey Lohan,
Jennifer Lopez,
Sienna Miller (her I'd punch twice),
Nicholas Cage,
Pammy Anderson, even though she is a fellow Canuck, her tits are an atrocity against mankind.

I wish I was there and she was all drunk and her bodyguards were away. She'd be lying half asleep on a couch in a bathrobe, bitching to me about water, and I'd grab a giant bottle of Jolt cola, shake it up, lube it and get a running start. As I ran, I'd remove the top and stick my thumb in. Janet would be naked under the bathrobe with her legs spread wide open, and then I'd run up and BAM! In she goes. Lodged maybe an inch or two in, I'd then push my whole body weight against it until SCHLUMP! It's all inside, and the ice cold Jolt is BLASTING it's way into her vagina and ripping into her uterus. She tries to get up, but the big bottle leaves her unable to get up from a prone position on the couch. FLEURSHZZZZZZ!!!!!! The bubbles from the caffiene-fueled Jolt deliver a burning sensation from her pussy into her uterus, as the carbonation streches everything inside to baby-delivery size in less than 5 seconds. She rolls over and stands up, speechless and gasping, and lunges for the phone. She misses, hits her forehead on a marble coffetable with a deep, satisfying BWUMP! She's out COLD–as cold as Figiian water. I take off her robe and throw her onto the couch, and put her hands on her cunt so she looks like she fell asleep masturbating. I pull out my cel phone cam and wait as the Jolt slowly forces the big bottle back out. After the bottom of the bottle painfully "crowns," itself, the bottle then is shot out of JJ like a bullet from a chamber at hispeed, whereupon it shatters on the marble coffetable, exploding and covering Ms Jackson is its brown, sugary cargo. I then move the camera up to her face and say "I DON'T THINK THERE'S A MAN, WOMAN, OR CHILD ALIVE TODAY IN AMERICA WHO DOESN'T ENJOY A LOVELY BEVERAGE!" Then I cock back my right hand all the way behind my head and let loose with a devastating bitch slap that sounds more like a firecracker than it does a slap, as it flattens Janet's wet, Jolt-covered mug, turning her head to one side FASTER than she does in her dance moves. I then pop the cel phone and its precious video cargo into my pocket, phone room service and say Ms J would like spaghetti, and while they're away making it, I leave the motel and upload the video to the net.
----------------------------------------------------

Thank you.

Sound effects by Don Martin.

Beverage quote by David Letterman.

sid, how long did that take you to pen?

Fuck.

RE #55 Posted by sid on August 8, 2006 10:15 PM:
Awesome... and sorta disturbing. You don't have any teenage runaways buried in your backyard, do you? If not, bravo... I'll never see Jolt cola the same way again.

sid, I think its time to lay off the meth. You have too many crazy antics playing around in your brain, and god forbid you play any of those out. But I do remember the days of vivarin and jolt cola, my best friends grandma was like, "I don't want you hanging around with that girl, she does too many drugs!" ha ha.

I would totally steal that water from that girl and drink it. Then I'd wait 15 minutes and pee it into her butt. Yeah, who's in control now, biatch.

I hope all her flumkies spit into the Fijian water and it all chills nicely. Then I hope she asks for chilled tapioca pudding and all the male flunkies realize that all their Christmases have come at once to get some nasty revenge on this crazy bitch.

Thanks, guys :)

Jolt Cola will always be special for us...

She acts very picky for someone who let Justin Timberlake rip off her bra thingie and show her boob to the world.

World to Janet: You're about 25 years removed from Penny on Good Times, Dif'rent Strokes, and Fame. Change your hairstyle. And your whole look for that matter. And stop squeezing you're saggy mams together... only Dave Letterman and your Webster-looking crunktastic big-headed man-boy are impressed. Bitch.

Like her wacko brother she tries to come across as a soft spoken, kind, person but in reality she's a controlling bitch who demeans people.. Send her to Africa so she can starve to death.

Wow, one of the Jacksons doing something strange...I'm shocked!

She probably also has them check the temperature of her Massengil before she douches.

Sorry, not related to the water incident, but ewwwwwwww. I'm so tired of everyone talking about how good she looks. She looks like her freakin' face is melting off! Did I say Ew? Oh, good I did. I'm done then.

Her new album is 20 Years Old. In her press conf photos http://www.exposay.com/press-conference-for-upcoming-album-20-years-old/v/3254/ I'd say mid 40s, early 50s...

@64, you want her to starve to death, let her try your diet for a week. Africa is too much of a paradise for either of you. @65 i concur.