shazam, that's hagrid's new girlfriend. first, bitches?

Rich people are ugly and stupid. And stupid.

Walking a curb.... I knew the day would come...

She has the same dumb expression on her face in every picture.

she is such a stupid cunt. I wish she would die, lonely and broke. When she gets old and bleached blonder, she'll always have Daddy to help hold up her sagging tits.

she's fat! she's thin! she's hefty! she's hot! she's pudgy! she's scrawny!

her body changes every 2 weeks. who is she, me?

I want to lie on her.

Looks like she's hiding (not very well) some premenstrual bloat. Poor thing.

Oh, god, what the hell happened to her?

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

This trick is starting to look rough, very rough, and don't even get me started on the idiotic pointy shoes.

this just in... thats NOT jessica simpson... lookin more like homer simpson...

That's fat? I'm willing to wager she looks a hell of a lot better than most of the people trashing her

It would have been a better shot if she had fallen down or something, since it appears she's unescorted, unless of course, her date is taking the pics.

That's just a butt-ugly dress.

she looks identical to your average hooker.

That is just a really unflattering dress! I think she's still hot it's just this outfit has been put together all wrong.

Bring back the blue, nipple showing dress.

Pics 1 and 2 look like a football player in drag. For a long time I thought she couldn't take a bad picture, but those days, like Britney's career, are gone forever.

Nick got out just in time.

That dress is a nightmare, but I think her body looks great.

She needs a big bone right in her dookie shoot! Why do I get the impression that she is prolly the lamest lay in Hollywood? Still, nice ta-tas. I'd give her a pearl necklace. She;s good for something. If she had a flat head it would be perfect to put my beer on while she services me.

Okay, I personally think that Jessica and all the other airheads should take a trip in a leaky, chum-filled boat to the center of the ocean, but come on! I hardly think she looks huge, or anything close to it. Let the whiny, self-centered retard have a bloated day and leave her alone! She'll start to hear the pork rinds AND mayonnaise start calling to her if you get her TOO upset. ;)

Who let this sow out of her pen??

She looks like she could easily be distracted by shiny metal objects!

Here, piggy piggy...

Q - What is Jess' favorite garnish on her hamburger??

A - A hot dog...

The dress is just terrible. Makes her look all blocky and tranny. God bless Hollywood for gifting me a new adjective to play with. Tranny - when a chick looks like a guy, as in "she's so tranny in that black dress". She probably had that frock made from the sheets of her honeymoon bed, to keep Nick close to her at all times. The interior is swathed in splotches of his dried sea monkies.

This time when she climbs the Empire State Building atleast we can see up her dress.

Two words:
King Kong

I have to admit that dress is pretty hideous. I bet the super plastic Ashley Simpson said "Oh that looks great on you...you have to get it." And poor naive Jessica believed her.

I am surprised no one noticed her tits are now dropping to the same level as her elbows... Those implants are heading south for the bermuda triangle...

Did she even look in the mirror? Maybe she did and thought that was her friend. She needs to learn how to stand up straight.

Did she even look in the mirror? Maybe she did and thought that was her friend. She needs to learn how to stand up straight.

I still feel sorry for her. She's turned into a wreck since she dumped Nick, always going out in awful clothes and with that blank expression, and I betcha she's regretting it every day.

it's pretty damn sad when that's considered big-boned. what happened to the phrase 'chicken-legs'? is there no damn happy medium between 'eat a sandwich' and 'oooh you're a fatty, god you weigh 110, looking like a potato sack today. or maybe just a potato.'

I find that slightly redonkulous, but hey, that's just me.

15. I think you meant to say, "she looks identical to your average transvestite hooker, who used to play college ball, and has been off of her estrogen therapy for 6 weeks." Otherwise, well said.

32. There's "happy medium", and then there's bovine former linebacker. Did you see her Britney arms and shoulders, her softballs in socks tits migrating to her waist, which is almost as big as her hips, her tree trunk thighs? Damn!

It is soooo time for her second lift...
http://www.goodplasticsurgery.com/archives/004052.html

18. You forgot to put "*sarcasm*" in your post. The newbies will think you're serious.

Maybe it's just me, but she doesn't look fat. She just looks like she's wearing a lousy-fitting dress.

Then again, if I saw her nekkid and feeding on the one-eyed trouser snake I might be able to judge a little better.

she literally exudes stupidity. judging by the flat, unintelligent gaze she always has in her eyes shes either mildly retarded or on some *seriously* heavy shit.

Funny thing about this thread, every time I come back to read it I think that the titles says...

Jessica Simpson is BEING Boned...

She seems like the kind of chick that would nickname your slong on your second date. She called mine "The Cervical Hammer" as a matter of fact...

...but still, shes got a great body (which isnt being shown off very well in that dress), and id be lying if i said i wouldnt fuck her bowlegged.
a friend of mine likes to say that a woman only needs to be smart enough not to shit in the middle of the living room floor... i guess shed be a perfect match for him.
then again, i havent seen her living room :)

What the hell is going on with these pop stars lately?
AND...I hate Jessica because I love Dane Cook!

That look on her face tells me that if you were to paint a line in front of her she would follow it straight thru to the end, be it, a wall, a precipice, a Freightliner, my genitals...

Pillowy bitch.

In that second picture, something about her face looks oddly like Britney Spears. I think she looks awful...

Hopeless?? Where have you gone?

id still bone the hell out of her til the sun came up

I don't think she IS fat but she definately LOOKS chubby in that God awful dress. Also her perky no bra days are over. Sorry hunny either buy a new set or wear a bra like the rest of us. Saggy titties are icky.

i would like for her to suck my dick
then i bend her over and give her a huge prick
she loves the way black feels inside
knock the bitch out and throw her in the trunk of my ride
she wants to box i fight her to
slap the ho down like a fucking jew
mel gibson cheers and acts all happy
but i shit on him to and make him nice and crappy
nobody likes me and it makes me sick
its cuz im Justin Igger and I have a big dick
for real though
non yall can rythme better then me yo

That outfit is certainly not flattering, but she hardly looks chubby.

my friend is a tour guide in italy. jessica and her family was there 1 week ago. they were being explained what vestal virgins were and the mom says 'they sure valued pure pussy back then.'

sounds like the whole family is stupid.

nick la-fay spent 2 seasons on tv trying to get his dick sucked...

this bitch is hotter than fuck, but dumb as shit...

methinks sex is a chore for her...

The low-slung knockers with the sand-dollar sized aureolas, the high-rise hips: thick. Still, the expression of stupid wonderment doesn't appear to bode well for conversation later. Easy to endure, however, when one gets their hands on the jello bombs during doggy.

Atleast she isn't a quarter pounder with cheese anymore !

#50, Those nips are not anything like sand dollars. Surprising, but much more like dimes:
http://www.thesuperficial.com/image.php?path=/images/2006/08/jessica-simpson-see-through-15.jpg
Her body is short and stumpy. I think the only time she actually looks good is with a heavy reliance on a genius stylist. Ken Paves, you're fired!

I have never been first on th 'Fish.

That just dawned on me right now.

Plus, her calves are freakin' the fuck outta me.

I could not help but notice the Fukuoku 9000 in her bag along with many other toys... hence the need for the LARGE hand bag.

http://www.holisticwisdom.com/fukuoku-9000.htm

53

I'll give you fist. I mean first. Or fist.

I thought the title of this story was "Jessica Simpsoned is BEING boned" when clicked on the link.

Such a sad reality check to see how wrong I was.

Curse Dyslexia my!!!

I also didn't notice that #38 said exactly the same thing as me.

Dammit!

WTF? Jessica looks great. What's wrong with a girl with some meat on her bones unlike the coke/vodka skin and bones look that seems to be the thing in Hollyweird. Jessica has curves unlike the other skanks that look like little boys.

Maybe she ate Suri Cruise.
Baby, the other OTHER white meat.

Jessica Blimpson

Three simple truths:

1) She looks like she's concentrating hard not to drool.

2) She is definately the type of chick that lays there while your bangin' it out, and looks at you in a way that makes you feel likw you're taking an exam.

3) Most of you ladies don't think she's really fat, she's just not wearing a flattering dress. There's hope for you yet.

Maybe she stuffed Ken Paves in that dress. You know, for emergencies.

sweetcheeks, thank god, the pope, tom cruise and the sweet baby jesus for your site. the comments on this site have become vomit enducing. long gone are the days of superfish funny. then i went to your site and angels started singing. wonderful.

This girl is absolutely a dead fish kind of lay. Stupid girls usually are willing to go in the extra step, deep throat that last throbbing inch, to make up for their lack of ability to provide stimulating conversation. And why should she be a wildcat in bed? Being anally raped by your dad while your sister goes down on you and your mom films it isn't exactly a recipe for the making of a slut. This is the kind of ice queen you titty fuck while she's sleeping, then paste her eyes shut and blame it on morning eye boogies.

I'm confused. Why do her boobs start at her waist? And what's with the leather pumps and big leather bag at night in the summer? Is she using Britney's stylist? Why does Jessica Simpson suddenly look like a Soviet block-era woman athelete from East Berlin?

Jessica,

I am big boned too, if you know what I mean.

Cheggit.

That fatty's going to break her shoes.

http://www.VeryLiberating.com

@63 -- thanks, spatz! I knew quitting my job and devoting my life to celebrity gossip would one day pay off...

I'm amazed at how we bag on people when they are too skinny, but if they step out looking a little bloated we call them fat. No wonder all of hollywood looks like crackheads. We made them that way.

P.S. I'm not defending Jessica Simpson, just the fat thing gets old....

I don't think she is fat. She is just really short and that makes you look less lean than you are. I think she looks better now than in her bony days.

69--Just consider it long overdue backlash against the very people who have legions of personal trainers, stylists, hair dressers, nutritionists, personal chefs all on a movie studio's dime tell the rest of us that they're the "standard" we need to live up to. Especially the actresses who have babies and who are miraculously back at their fighting weight (so to speak) one month after delivery. yeah, if we all had nannys night and day to tend to our babies while we got a full 10 hours of sleep and a vacation after the baby was born, not to mention nutritionally balanced meals prepared for us then we could all look so good. So, they deserve any backlash they get. They're out of touch and we're just here to remind them that they're one donut or line of coke away from the abyss of obscurity.

Can we have some new stories already please?

Please excuse my wife, she's been reading a lot of Ayn Rand lately. How do you think I feel, I goota live with the bitch!

Yep, she is a man... albeit, a puffy man in those photos. And it's okay to say that because she is certainly not famous for selling multi-platinum albums. PS: She has always had super saggy boobs, but she propped up those bad boys in push-up bras so you wouldn't notice her thick legs. Her choice to go braless has proved that the jig is up!

Blimp.

(that's all I got....d'OH!)

Oh, for god's sake, she isn't fat. She's just desperately in need of a bra and a better-fitting dress.

http://glossedover.com

33- 'bovine'? do you even know what that MEANS? she is in no way a cow. I'm willing to bet that no matter where you talk in real life, even on her so-called "fat days" such as this you'd do her. where's that internet picture of that fat guy saying "no she has sharp knees I wouldn't do her" when you need it.

33- 'bovine'? do you even know what that MEANS? she is in no way a cow. I'm willing to bet that no matter where you talk in real life, even on her so-called "fat days" such as this you'd do her. where's that internet picture of that fat guy saying "no she has sharp knees I wouldn't do her" when you need it.

#76, I concur.

She's always had masculine features (jaw, shoulders), but if she was wearing a bra and a dress with a cinched waist, she'd look the same as always. Not fat. And even in these pics, she probably looked tiny in person.

Well since none of you guys want her, I'll take her (for a few hours).

I would still hit the shit out of that. Who cares if she is fat this week or skinny next week? I want those big juicy boobies in my mouth! Then I would use Lindsay Lohan as a toothpick afterwards.

Poor Jess...! Small Children - Look away! She is not "aaan annnnimaaaal!"

Noooo, noooo, noooo.....nothing's wrong?! My teeth ALWAYS grind when discussing my YOUNGER, RICHER & WHO-THE-F-WOULDA-GUESSED-COULD-B-MORE-BEAUTIFUL than me, SISTER!!!!

Those balloons are sagging so low she could use them as her own hippity-hop. TITHIPS!

#52 Tracie. I looked at the photo you linked. Thanks:
http://www.thesuperficial.com/image.php?path=/images/2006/08/jessica-simpson-see-through-15.jpg

As you say, her nips are dimes, but the photo reinforces my point - the crowners (aureolas) are sand dollar sized. Maybe even larger - they seem to cover half her boobs. Nips, aureolas: two different things. I like them both large. Also beers.

Jessica seems to be recovered from her eating disorder, good for her!

now lets see if Ashlee gets fat too so she can look just like her sister...she copies everything else

Dear Lord,
Please may I become as big boned as Jessica.
In Jesus Name,
Amen

Her dress works much better in these photos (http://www.exposay.com/jessica-simpson-arrives-at-mtvs-trl---07-19-2006/v/3283/). The print distracts from the width. ;-)

Oops here's the jump...

http://www.exposay.com/jessica-simpson-arrives-at-mtvs-trl---07-19-2006/v/3283/

Yeah i wish i was as big as Jessica Simpson. You people are all nuts!!!

I think she looks hot this way, not fat. All hollywood actresses should try for this amount of weight and hotness. She looks like a juicy sausage you could sink your teeth into!

she isn't fat, she is only 105....but the dress makes her look like shit...just needs to dump the dress .....and take diuretics for a few days.....maybe not eat for a week..... maybe use some heroin, the usual.....