FIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRSSSSSST

UGH. I DON'T WANNA BE 1ST, THIS STORY SUX. WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THE OLD GUY?

Who the hell cares about the old guy? I think the more sad and important question is what kind of losers care to be first, Danielle :(

I have a hard time believing this story. Isn't he like Elvis to those people over there? Why would they heckle him if that's the case?

He's got Ted Kennedy's nose.

The only thing worse then a drunk Jackie Chan disrupting a concert is a sober Hoff putting on a concert....

http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/

That's just sad. Poor Jackie. I guess this means that he won't be appearing as Sly's opponent in Rocky 7....Yes Rocky 6 is coming out this year. Go Rock go!
http://genosworld.blogspot.com/

My dad's a Jackie Chan fan. That about says it all.

"Posted by The Jenny on July 11, 2006 01:42 PM

He's got Ted Kennedy's nose."

...and your eyes, blah, blah, blah. You've bagged all the Kennedy's, we know already, give it a rest.

Tenth! Ha ha ha. You are all my beotches!

You'd think by the time he was 100 years old he could handle his alcohol.

I thought he was at his best years ago when he played base for "The Go Go's"

http://eil.com/newgallery/Jane-Wiedlin-Inside-A-Dream-3295.jpg

AHhhhhh Jackie Chan....I cn hardly wait for the movie!!!

This is marginally more interesting than Lindsay Lohan's pimples.

http://glossedover.com

It would've been a better story if jackie woke up with chow yun fat next to him

In Jackie's world when the girlfriend says "I want to do it... numba 69," Jackie thinks she wants "Beef wif Broccori"

I think the rumours that this guy uses a stunt drinker are probably true.

15? BRILLIANT!! i had never heard that one before!

Thanks to "Sixteen Candles" I can only picture drunk Long Duck Dong when I read this story.
15--one of my all-time favorite jokes ever!!

This just proves he is way better then Chuck Norris.
How do we know it's not The Hoff in disguise?

I'd like to see the Hoff and Jackie Chan do a duet and a music video. Hot.

@15 that shit is so old, but funny.

This slant-eye looks like he is getting ready to suckie, suckie, on that microphone. Chris Tucker would probably get jealous though.

If they replace Tucker with David Hasslefag they can make a new movie and call it "Happy Hour".

They should all start a death metal band: Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris, David Hasselhoff, and David Carruso (my pick). They would be called Dragon Slut and Chan would play the most wicked double bass ever. EVER.

The Hong Kong Tourism Board has cardboard cut-outs of Jackie Chan EVERY WHERE in HK - every train station, airport, on the streets, Jackie Chan is there.

Hmm both Tito and Daniel wrote "who the hell cares about the old guy" within a span of 2 minutes...

I smell split personality! God strike me dead when I create multiple accounts for THIS unholy forum!

We already already know Asians can't drive, now I can't enjoy the symphony either. Thanks Jackie.

(NWFW) Hey, the first donger on this site is his. That's why he's an angry drunk. You'd be angry too

Crick here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_size

ok, so he was drunk and singing?

I wonder what the song was?

I hope it was that "drunk-chinaman song"
from that movie he did with owen wilson.

#26:

yeah that's a gơod one. On more of the same note, I'm really glad that the world cup is over. Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are gơombahs but I think that I speak for everyone when I say that now that the Italians have won, we can all lơok forward to finally getting our pizza's delivered on time and cơoked properly. I for one am quite tired of having to eat badly cơoked pizza.

Thank you, that is all.

nice face...
this is just like hasselhoff, except jackie chan was cooler cause he could jump over simitars being thrown at him and shit. what we can take from this is:

cry of desperation for aging/sagging/talentless hack females---pose in playboy, yes, because everybody wants to see your saggy funbags, gary busey false teeth, and leathery skin! duh!

cry of desperation for aging/sagging/not even that good-looking in the first place males---cut a record, or try to sing. Nobody wanted to see your ass naked when you were young, much less as an old, bloated, alcoholic version of what you once were. so what do you do? belt out the hits, baby. maybe if you're good enough, nobody will be able to catch that lazy drawl that popping pills causes.

this way one can hang on to pseudofame until they die. what dignity? who cares about dignity when people are looking at you!

i think a BETTER question is.....what the the hell kind of name is TITO?.

hey proteon...its DANIELLE not DANIEL. i could care less about whatever loser came up with the screename...tito? blah

Preteon, I was referencing Danielle. She said it, and I was repeating it to question her own question. She was wondering who the hell cares about him, and I was pointing out the more important question was who's lame enough to care as much to be first as to sit on the superfish all day and refresh to be first.

please direct all bitch fights towards me and not towards your mother like a little coward.

ps. i do NOT sit on here all day, which you obviously must do, because you respond by the second.

#22: Happy Hour... I laughed my ass off at that one.

Synopsis: KIT fights crime with the help of a plucky animated taxicab while The Hoff and Jackie Chan stumble around interrupting various public exhibitions. For the big wow finish, they crash the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and are stomped to death by Naomi Campbell and Heidi Klum.* I'd watch that...

*Who then go on to star in several cop/buddy comedies of their own. Naomi can turn that simmering rage into a career as an action star. Don't tell me she couldn't kick the ass of almost everyone in Hollywood, because we all know that she could. Plus, she's got the crazy eyes.

Wasn't he drunk in most of his movies? And what do you say to a drunk Jackie Chan that wouldn't get your face kicked off? He likes pain and his nose has been broken more times than Paris Hilton's has had herpes flare ups... ok, maybe not that many but a lot.

#29 HA!!!

is it true he can't get anyone to give him insurance 'cause of his dangerous stunts and whatnot?

chuck norris' tears could rid the world of alcoholism.
except.....
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Here is the English translation of the lyrics Jackie and Owen sing during the Chinese drinking game while sitting in their bath tubs -

One crab with eight feet, painted horns - what a big crab!
Blinking eyes, shrinking head, crawling, crawling everywhere.
Two and Two, who should drink?
Three and three, who drink first?
Five and Five, who should drink?
Two and two, you drink first!

I don't think I'll ever go knock down a pint with Chan if he sings stupid shit like this when he's buzzed. I mean, even the japs would be singing elvis crap.....

crazy ass homo

I prefer the time Jackie Onassis got all shit-faces at zoo. She started yelling "see wash yur missin, fukkin that ho, lil johny boy" and started throwing Brussels sprouts into the lion cage. That she pulled from her vagina.

I mean really, lions HATE vegetables!

Come on, everybody.

He was just working on his next movie.

Legend of Drunken Master II: Enter the Rehab.

tranny, that was fuckin' hilarious!!
btw, lovin' you and zanna's site!

42 Yo Fa!

Whassup in the world of SoCal punk, being larger than life and funny-ness in general?

43 B-hugger;

It has been a real relief to finally print the trials and tribulations of running a world-renown-did-ded Corndog Trailer, glad you are enjoying it. Now get your ass to Moose-Taint County and enjoy a meat on a stick spectacular on me!

29...Big ol' Anus

As an Eye-tied merican, I take offense to your statement. We DON'T like "Goombahs", and prefer "Italian, wouldja like extra cheese, yo, American" Get it right or face red-sauce on your next pesto pizza.

Well, if I had a small penis, I would get hammered all of the time too, cause we all know Asians have the smallest feet out of most ethnicities.

Man, I'm gonna get a lot of shit for this one.

...And by feet I mean penis

I <3 #4's screen name. ABBA rules!

Yes, I'm drunk too. And at work.

People are so dumb. Everyone knows that when the DRUNKEN MASTER is drunk, you don't mess with him. He might pull "Drunken Maid Nursing a Hangover" on you.

And I'm not joking:
http://imdb.com/title/tt0111512/

ya know I kind of wanted to ignore this, but the truth is- Jackie's body has seen so much action over the ages( and he IS infact 100 ) that all he has to do to get drunk is drink a glass of water. His body kicks in and leeches all the pure alcohol, coke, speed, MDMA and the rest out of his liver into his intestine when it detects fluid. Kind of like shake and bake- without the shaking or baking.
Jackie Chan- almost as good as Michael Wong- but not even anything approaching as sexy.
Don't even pretend.