July 06, 2006
David Hasselhoff gets kicked out of Wimbledon
David Hasselhoff was repotedly kicked out of Wimbledon because he was too drunk, forcing a guard to walk him off the tournament grounds after he repeatedly got in arguments with the security staff.
First, the 53-year-old actor had a blazing row outside Centre Court. Guards would not let him in because he did not have a valid ticket. Then he was banned from press and players’ bars as he tried to get another drink. Hasselhoff, who has fought a long battle with booze, yelled at staff: “You should let me in. Do you know who I am? I’m The Hoff.” Hasselhoff then downed beer after beer and was later seen staggering... Security chiefs ordered Hoff out. One guard said: “He was steaming drunk.”
If I was David Hasslehoff I'd be asking every single person I ran into if they knew who I was, and then I'd follow it up with "I'm The Hoff" and then punch them in the stomach and continue on my way. When you're David Hasselhoff you get to do shit like that. It's in the manual, right after step 1 of being The Hoff: maintain 80's perm throughout all stages of life.
Thanks to Jake for the tip, and for trying - but failing - to be as manly as The Hoff.
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Comments
1. Posted by yuckyfresh on July 6, 2006 06:35 PM
booooring!
2. Posted by siren823 on July 6, 2006 06:40 PM
Hey! Don't Hassel the Hoff. Someone of his caliber doesn't need a ticket. Or any dignity.
3. Posted by tinyTy on July 6, 2006 06:41 PM
I like drunk celebrity stories.
4. Posted by MeganHarris on July 6, 2006 06:42 PM
I've met David Hasselhoff. for real.
5. Posted by mrs.t on July 6, 2006 06:43 PM
His publicists should begin every statement by pointing out that he has battled alcohol his entire life. It takes care of so many of his problematic career and personal appearance choices.
Otherwise, much like my post, this is indeed boring news.
6. Posted by mrs.t on July 6, 2006 06:44 PM
MeganHarris, you meet the Hoff every time you look in a fucking mirror.
7. Posted by ed1969 on July 6, 2006 06:45 PM
The Hoff? Drunk? And refering to himself as "The Hoff"? Thats not boring, thats awesome.
8. Posted by torpedo_tits_tonya on July 6, 2006 06:46 PM
That's pretty effin' funny, I wish I could have seen it in person.
9. Posted by MeganHarris on July 6, 2006 06:51 PM
smart ass.
I met him here in Miami Beach once. on lincoln Road.
10. Posted by krisdylee on July 6, 2006 07:01 PM
blazing row... fucking brits...
11. Posted by krisdylee on July 6, 2006 07:02 PM
The Hoff is what he calls his cock.
12. Posted by UNWASHEDMASSES on July 6, 2006 07:12 PM
He was so drunk he forgot he wasn't in Germany, where people are killed at his whim and it is a high honor to place his penis (AKA Lil' Hoff) in one's mouth. He has fought a long battle with booze... and is apparently losing. Now I get why he is so beloved by Germany - it's not the germanic last name, it's because he's a loser, too.
13. Posted by henrysgirl on July 6, 2006 07:14 PM
I totally agree with siren823. David Hasselhoff is a god in Germany. How dare the British show him so little respect. He is a god!!! Who else but a god can be in such classic television as Young and the Restless, Knight Rider and Baywatch? On second thought, maybe he's like Robert Johnson and made a pact with the Devil at the Crossroads. Bewate if you Hassle the Hoff.
14. Posted by henrysgirl on July 6, 2006 07:16 PM
*beware* dammit, the Hoff gets my juices going.
15. Posted by BoredStiff on July 6, 2006 07:29 PM
Now this is a post !!!!!!
None of that Hohan,kristin whoavelli?,
It's all about the Hoff!
16. Posted by Celebrity Crunch on July 6, 2006 07:37 PM
Something tells me it doesn't take much to get kicked out of Wimbledon. The Hoff could have take all those Brits.
17. Posted by Dragulf on July 6, 2006 07:44 PM
Didn't he used to have a car? I rememeber a car. Then again if I could fly I wouldn't need a car either. I am so confused but I do know one thing...
TCLTC! Superman IS your daddy!
18. Posted by Shelley Bonnechance on July 6, 2006 08:06 PM
"I'm the Hoff!"
Thanks to this priceless quote from David Horselhaff, I have just peed myself laughing.
19. Posted by Yoda a Green Schlong Has on July 6, 2006 08:16 PM
"The Hoff", a professionally incompetent, egocentric, german power ballad singing, train wreck, who is somehow charismatic and entertaining enough to overcome his "hoffishness".
It would have been more entertaining if the "blazing row" turned into a "severe ass kicking". Tennis hooligans? ...
20. Posted by energy_guru on July 6, 2006 08:33 PM
There's nothing wrong with being too drunk, but David Hasselhof shouldn't be allowed anywhere.
21. Posted by francesfarmer on July 6, 2006 08:44 PM
hooked on a feeling?
And don't be hatin the Hoff, if you want to read a boring post go scan over lohan's freckles again or something
22. Posted by Sheva on July 6, 2006 08:54 PM
The only thing that would make the story is if he knocked over a security guard in order to walk onto the grass during the match.
Then he'd have my eternal respect. For now it's Kiefer tackling a Christmas tree in a UK hotel.
So my heroes:
1. Kiefer
2. The Hoff
23. Posted by Yoda a Green Schlong Has on July 6, 2006 08:59 PM
21. Back, by popular demand, "The Hoff", ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKu_QA8Bn9o&search=hasselhoff
24. Posted by trailercamptramp on July 6, 2006 09:00 PM
MeganHarris (quote)
"I met him here in Miami Beach once. on lincoln Road."
did he try and run your retarded ass over
because thats what i want to do
25. Posted by gammanormids on July 6, 2006 09:21 PM
A guy showed up naked at a tennis match while Sharapova was playing... was him? perhaps he was but no one recognised him---
26. Posted by poon86 on July 6, 2006 09:26 PM
This guy just wont die. No one likes you Hoff. Get over yourself. Istead of being and old drunk, you should have worked on your marriage to that hot wife of yours.
27. Posted by HelloTimeBomb on July 6, 2006 09:36 PM
This story blows. Four day old news is not news. This happened on Monday!!
Also, not that you should be interested (because I'm not), but Wimbledon denies this ever happened:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/5149782.stm
*Yawn*
28. Posted by ffordegroupie on July 6, 2006 09:50 PM
The Hoff has officially entered Cruiseland. He's like the C-list version of Tom Cruise WLTC.
29. Posted by Pearly on July 7, 2006 12:00 AM
Loser.
30. Posted by Tits_McGhee on July 7, 2006 12:26 AM
This guy is unbelievable. Okay, Hoff, you were famous, like oh say about 20 years ago and you are staggering up to people saying "Um, excuse me, don't you KNOW who I AM?!"
With the ego that big, me thinks someone is trying to make up for something much smaller....
31. Posted by Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest on July 7, 2006 12:29 AM
Hey, at least he got to bang Pam Anderson when she was in her prime. Now don't tell me he didnt! She's easier than tic-tac-toe. Have you SEEN what Tommy Lee looks like? Thats one ugly motherfucker and she MARRIED HIM for fuck's sake!
32. Posted by magickal on July 7, 2006 12:31 AM
(In William Daniels's voice): "Uh, Michael...I'm going to crash this black bitch into a fucking wall...oh, and, America's Got Talent sucks just like you, Brandy and that fuckwad Piers-dude"!!!!!!!!!
33. Posted by magickal on July 7, 2006 12:33 AM
Oh, and, Don't Hassel the Mother-fuckin' Hoff, yo.
34. Posted by ChickenScratch on July 7, 2006 01:35 AM
Just passing through, I have nothing to comment on this story.
Okay, maybe one little comment...
"Kit, TURBO-BOOST!"
On to the next story of the day.
35. Posted by adogcalledbleep on July 7, 2006 02:32 AM
The Hoff personally ended the cold war and he has a talking car that fires missiles and this is the respect he's shown by elitist tennis snobs???!!!
....He should head back down to Wimbledon and take the upper class fuckers out; with said talking car that fires missiles....in fact apart from the environmentally friendly wombles he should blow the fuck out of the whole area....
36. Posted by Jedi Kevin on July 7, 2006 02:59 AM
More like the Jack-Hoff.
37. Posted by Rylie on July 7, 2006 03:00 AM
What's "repotedly?"
38. Posted by WorldWideWendy on July 7, 2006 04:11 AM
For a minute there I thought this post said
"David Hasselhoff has reportedly slipped on a mink coat in the shower and cut his throat with a butt plug"
But I mis-read it.
39. Posted by NunoH on July 7, 2006 07:00 AM
"I'm the Hoff" lol
40. Posted by jrzmommy on July 7, 2006 08:35 AM
Why should he get to be the only Hoff and have all the fun? Why can't we all be the Hoff?
This is hilarious. Probably one of the funnier SFs in a loooong time.
41. Posted by RichPort on July 7, 2006 09:14 AM
In related news, John Tess and Yanni were caught beating each other's spouses for screaming "I am the HOFF!!!" over and over again while Tom Cruise was caught beating his meat to "America's Got Talent" everytime Drunk Dave had another stupid insightful comment.
42. Posted by flamarkel on July 7, 2006 09:37 AM
Where was that talking car during this whole blazing row? I've seen that thing get him out of bigger messes than this.
43. Posted by Italian Stallion on July 7, 2006 09:51 AM
@42 Kit was in the parking lot huffing gas and was in no shape to pick "The Hoff" up. They both need to check into Betty Ford, or the nearest Morgue...............
44. Posted by flamarkel on July 7, 2006 10:44 AM
I thought maybe Kit was in the parking lot trying to pick up a muscle car. He always seemed, you know, that way.
45. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on July 7, 2006 11:01 AM
MeganHarris, I just want to know one thing: is there any celebrity you haven't met/ made out with?
Just curious. In fact, I think we all are.
46. Posted by jrzmommy on July 7, 2006 11:14 AM
She knows everyone, Osh. MeganHarris once had a three-way with Abbott & Costello. It's true. She told me so.
47. Posted by BarbadoSlim on July 7, 2006 12:05 PM
Hehehehehehehe...the Hoff gets a free pass in my book.
It's fucking Knight Rider bitches.
48. Posted by can't help myself on July 7, 2006 12:58 PM
On "America's Got Talent" -
The Hoff = The Paula
Sure, Brandy always tries to say something nice...but it's the HOFF who's Mr. Drunky and can't sit still in his seat!
49. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on July 7, 2006 01:01 PM
Who the fuck does Hasselhoff think he is? Ted Nugent?! His penis should be revoked.
50. Posted by Discord on July 7, 2006 01:22 PM
I see nothing wrong with what he did.
After all, he's
"Been looking for freedom
Ever since he left his hometown!
He's been looking for freedom
Still it can't be found!"
51. Posted by Jacq on July 7, 2006 02:11 PM
#23 - Thanks! Hell, that still beats The Stars are Blind. Whenever I see The Hoff, that is all I will ever think of.
He should call himself "The Fruit-Salad Head"
He's GOT to be drunk to keep showing up to that America's Got Talent gig.
52. Posted by Queen LaQueefah on July 7, 2006 02:19 PM
alcohol soothes the sting of mediocrity.
53. Posted by jrzmommy on July 7, 2006 02:25 PM
I agree with 47--THE HOFF--as he is now forever to be known--just seems to wander around in search of the eternal buzz and is harmless (except if you're his wife/punching bag).....more power to that crazy mixed up bastard.
54. Posted by jessieo on July 7, 2006 03:52 PM
Don't hassle the Hoff, man. DON'T DO IT!!
I will not hassle the Hoff no matter what you pay me. Nuff said.
55. Posted by LL on July 7, 2006 04:11 PM
I laughed my ass off at this. Few things solidify your rep as a has-been like showing up drunk somewhere and then trying to play the "Don't you know who I am?" card. Damn... And he probably does call his penis The Hoff, or some variation thereof. No, wait, he probably calls his dong Knight Rider. Anyway, hilarious.
"More like the Jack-Hoff." Hee hee, also funny...
I guess it's a good thing so many of the formerly famous don't fade graciously into the background, or we'd have hardly anything to laugh at. Thank you, Superficial, for making life worth living.
56. Posted by DrunkBlogger on July 7, 2006 04:37 PM
This guy gets in one movie and all of the sudden he is everywhere as if it's some super-media blitz that is going to re-juvenate his career in somewhere besides Germany.
57. Posted by tinyTy on July 7, 2006 05:22 PM
#54 hee hee I love it!
58. Posted by bunnyhugger on July 7, 2006 05:31 PM
gotta love the hoff.
and i totally hate to say this but i either read it or heard it on (gasp!) the news that this story was a fake, and whoever spread it around already made a public apology.
but, much like santa claus and the easter bunny, it's a lovely story, sure to be loved by children all over the world.
"It's David Hasselhoff!! HOORAY!"
spongebob squarepants
59. Posted by WorldWideWendy on July 7, 2006 07:27 PM
The person who told this story has made a PUBLIC APOLOGY???!!!!
What sort of a milk fed, soft cock, tree hugging, neo nazi fucktard APOLOGISES to a 'celebrity'?
THEY should apologise to US.
ESPECIALLY the 'hoff', which sounds like the sound guys make when they come in their hands, after all.
60. Posted by funkygoldmedallions on July 7, 2006 10:43 PM
Dare I say it? Dude is my fucking idol.
61. Posted by drone90 on July 8, 2006 08:59 AM
Hoff: Do you know who I am??
Guard:get over it Hoff baywatch has been over years go hide somewhere please!
62. Posted by datter on July 8, 2006 08:45 PM
I once burned down half a Vietnamese village with the Hoff. Helluva guy.
63. Posted by leland on July 10, 2006 10:51 AM
at least he has a car that can drive his drunk ass home and probably doesn't mind the drunken verbal abuse!
64. Posted by Kit on July 12, 2006 01:17 AM
First rule in Hoff club, is don't talk about Hoff club. Beware or you will get what you ask for. Miami Vice has become a movie, Knight Rider cannot be far behind.
How about Will Ferrel as Michael?!?