I'll fuck her anytime and feed her fast food.

Then again fucking Jessica is like winning the special olympics. Either way you look at it, you are retarded.

I'm sorry. All I can think of his her chest beneath that leather jacket. Boobies. I have the maturity of a 12 year old! Hooray!
http://catholictvguy.blogspot.com/

i think she needs to never do red hair again... She's a cute blond. try on line dating. plenty of fish there.

She should hold out for Tom Cock loving Cruise, I hear he's about to be on the market again.

Either that or just go full blown lez, that would also be cool in my books.

What is with the red spot on her chest? Looks like someone tried to push the tip of his dick into her chest.

Good, she's wearing the jacket I sent her with the zippered pockets in the back. Now I'll have a place to keep my smokes and lighter while I'm fucking her ass.

Incest does get kinda lonely after a while, Jess. Just you and your Dad, surrounded by family photos and adolescent trophies won and old fingerpaint portraits and that nursery rhyme CD he insists on playing, repeatedly while he does his thing, repeatedly.
Incest is isolating.

Pinky, I was wondering the same thing.

I don't even have the words to express the annoyance I feel for this ridiculous bimbo. She's one of my top five favorite celebs to bash.

Anyway, how could she be lonely when she's got her dear old dad to keep her company? Creepy fuck.

nice rack.

not only does she have daddy, she's got that goofy looking drug dealer standing with her in every shot we see of her lately.

I have such a desire to lock her up in a cage and throw food at her. I bet she'd start imitating a monkey within an hour.

LOS ANGELES - Religious personality Jesus Christ recently made a rare personal appearance to Jessica Simpson, declaring her relationship with former somebody Nick Lachey, "a decent enough match". Christ reportedly then relieved himself in Simpson's kitchen sink and absconded with two pairs of panties from her laundry hamper. Simpson expressed "surprise" at his actions, as well as "astonishment" that Sudoku puzzles did not, in fact, use letters.

Aww, poor Jessica. Surely somebody wants to keep you company. All right, you're right, we should be realistic.

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

I hope they do get back together and that MTV does a show on it.
Also: did anyone read about how Julia Stiles got laxatives instead of asprin when filming the omen?

Hmmm, it's not as if she's saying she misses Nick in particular, it's just that she feels alone, and lonely, and wants SOMEONE. She says "When I was with Nick, I had someone who understood what I was going through.” All about you, Jessica, huh? Not good enough.

Nick, if you go back there for these stupid reasons I'm personally hitting you upside the head about 2000 times.

I wonder if she regrets boning Johnny Knoxville. Or using pink eyeshadow to blend her bangs into her wig. Or those spiral perm extensions she had when she first broke onto the scene. Or being born.

P.S. I DEEPLY regret ever watching the Nick and Jessica Variety Hour.

Hates being alone? When is she ever alone? That skinny hairdresser guy is always with her. I am sure she pays him plenty to be sympathetic.

That fag hairstylist better quit running around with this girl with her hair looking like shit. Mine still looks better than hers after marathon sex.
I hope those are Princy jeans.

I'd probably express more public regret about having relations with my father at an early age, rather than dumping a perfectly nice guy.

Things that Ken has helped Jessica perfect:
use of the coke straw
wicked bong rips
her relationship with Xanax and vodka
how to NOT use a hairbrush
the mushroom tatoo on her chest (come on now, which one of you boys did that?)

I can't cure her loneliness, but I can definetly cure her not getting fucked every night. I have the medicine in my pants, and I'm writing prescriptions.

Hindsight is 20/20, hey Jess?

No self respecting young woman, much less celebrity, should ever tell someone that they're lonely and want someone at home who misses them. Get a puppy!!!!!! You can get laid by any man on the planet, enjoy that.

I feel kind of bad for her.

I mean, even the mentally handicapped need companionship.

Is pro-active a depressant?

Why are celebs who are suffering through break ups always with their hairdressers?

God they better not get back together. He is finally free of her ignorant ass and should move on to a normal chick with a brain.

An elaborate flower and a dainty basket of cookies he can carry on his arm. Guys love that stuff right? That's sure to get to come running back.

Apart, BOTH OF THEM suffer painfully from mediocrity and they have had just enough time to see that simple fact. I'm sure their agents are the ones who want them to get back together, because without each other nobody gives a rats ass. Have you HEARD Lachey's single? It reeks of boy band.

Maybe she should get a dog, I found one for her that looks like it could use some love....

http://www.thewbalchannel.com/news/9265787/detail.html

I'd be happy to put a little sour cream on her taco if that'll make her feel better. She puts on ugly faces when she sings, I hope that's not the case in the sack. Maybe she should call Adam Levine back (if he hasn't changed his number)

Typical spoiled American girl bullshit.
Nick take the money and run.
What a twat.

Having said that, I'd hit it three times a day ever day.
And I know what she wants and needs.

That red spot on her chest is Jessicabot's power switch

Hey, when i'm bored and lonely i go to the bar, pick up some dude and screw him. Then i realize, shit, will he just get the fuck out of here so I can be ALONE!

Slutty Slut.

How could LIPS like thoses ever be lonely? LIPS like those should always be occupied. Isn't that right..Johhny Knoxville's Penis!!

#30 After extensive research, I've discovered it's a scientific fact that stupid chicks are *terrible* in bed. I know, I know "you don't fuck that part", but if the extent of one's sexual experience is the realization that male peg (a) fits into female hole (b), it indicates serious problems.

This bitch has *got* to be a deader fuck than Cleopatra. You'd probably have more fun dry-fucking a throw pillow.

BOO HOO! Run, Nick, run. Maybe Nick Lachey and Katie Holmes should date. They have a lot in common.

I say they get back together when buffalo fly. They do have wings right?

#35 - I agree, but it's not as much fun to watch a throw pillow do the walk of shame

#38 Ha, ha. I hadn't thought of that. Probably why my grandparents stopped letting me visit when I first reached puberty.

I'd have to agree with you, Dr. Rokter, if she's that stupid in all other aspects in her life, she's not going to know what the hell to do in bed, either. I'm guessing she still lies there, stiff as a board, with a plastered smile on her face.

Smile, plastered, plastered smile, same thing.

The real question is why is my receptionist wearing an Aunt Jemima rag on her head today?

Nick would have her by the ball...well tits if she tried to come back, I think he should outline a set of demands.

1. Stop fucking your dad
2. Your sister can NEVER come over again
3. You have to tell me that my scholong is bigger than all the other guys you fucked when we were married.
5. Stop stealing me hair products.

You know why they like fireworks? They're shiny. "OOOOOOHHHHH shiny! Look Jess, sparkly, shiny thingies"

Official WOP count now stands at 4.

#42 - Maybe she didn't have time to get her hair did.

44 Saucie is a WOP? Love you Strega.

I''d hit it. Big boobs rule!

BTW - #20 is some funny shit! I gotta write that one down.

I am officially Irish temper, Italian attitude.

#40 Too true. And I know because I tried to fuck her. First off, it took her fifteen minutes to figure out she needed to take her shoes off before her pants, and she kept trying to pull her panties off over her head. Then she got lost several times trying to find the "not-left" side of her bed. Finally, she kept asking me if I was a real doctor, and I told her, "No baby, that's just my handle," to which she responded, "I think I have one of those on my microwave door. And Nick used to have some on his car, I think. But inaminable objects don't go to school, silly!"

So I robbed her house and got a hooker.

Nick Lachey is probably crying as he reads this. That crybaby wuss. But I'll bet he's glad he won't have to drink any carrot juice, what with her being a blonde again.

#29 - Whoo boy! I want to put my sugar on that tongue!!

#33 - If they stay too long, just do like Jen, Vince and myself - duck in and do it in the bathroom of the bar.

#38/40 - I'm sure that doing her involves a lot of "Ewww!" said with a scrunched-up nose and pillow fighting. You have to fight her to get the pillow over her face. I think that there are some white cotton panties in there somewhere, too.

#46 Love you too, Nano.

I'd take her back but the new rule would be that she and her sister have to walk around topless whenever I am around.

Number 1 hit the nail on the head: wtf is there not to want to fuck about her? Sure her boobs looked weird in that orange dress but compared to the regular whores on this website, this chick is clean and tasty.

A blow up doll fucks back more than Jess.

I also regret calling her the "Whore of Babylon" and throwing my Wild Turkey and Coke in her face on the flight to Sydney.

On the upside, though, nothing spices up an eighteen hour flight like being tasered by an air marshall.

Oh boo-hoo...everyone cry for Baby Jessica, she's the type of woman who definitely cannot be alone, because she might burn herself taking a shower in the over...actually...

Posted by Joshingya31 on May 25, 2006 11:55 AM

I'd take her back but the new rule would be that she and her sister have to walk around topless whenever I am around

By this I hope you mean that Ashlee has to have her ugly ass head removed from her shoulders? Otherwise that sounds like a deal-breaker.

second to the last picture.

her mouth looks like "THE JOKER"

The girl has a zero in the ass department.

You all would bang her all night if you had the chance. Me, I like the pic of her backside. If she needs a bedpal, give me a ring.

I guess I could bring myself to fuck her.

But only anal.

Man face. Stripper tits. No ass.

Nick and Jessica need to reconcile their differences.

Dumb and Dumber belong together.

#61
No...I don't think so. I've always thought she was weird looking, and her chin makes my want to take a shovel to her face

BigJim's a humanitarian...

Meh... I don't need them back together. As a matter of fact I like them seperate. It leads too many more fun to read Tabloid stories and it makes me feel better knowing that Jess is more lonely then I am.

"Whats the deal with my brain, why am I so obviously insane, in the 'Perfect Situation', I let love(Nick) down the drain".......Stallion likey Weezer

Boo Hoo. She's finally realized all those other dudes just wanted her for good time, not a long time.

On the other hand, me love stallion long time.

I thought she was getting plenty of company from her dad. That's why she didn't need Nick, right?

those are 'william rast' jeans, co-created by none other than justin timberlake...

pinky_nip.......Nice beaver......hehehehehehe

I don't know why she would get back together with Nick. Jessica could have any guy in the world. I guess this relates to the fact she has a walnut brain haha.

Here are some pictures of Jessica at Kitson yesterday.

http://www.derekhail.com/2006/05/25/jessica-simpson-reaches-out-to-nick-lachey/

She looks terrible in them. She should definately start wearing make up more often.

she is alergic to cum.. it hit her in the chest..where else that is her best spot

this is just an attempting get more publicity. jessica sucks balls. Balls i tell you. BALLS!
http://celebrityreligion.com

oh and p.s. that pro-active shit is not working she needs to call p diddy and complain

Stallion... thanks... hehehehe

BTW, I made #69 above! Yeah!

Anyone that can't see this "break-up" is a giant media ploy, is blind as hell. Poor Nick and his sappy album sold 31864321654 times more copies than he would have if they hadn't "broke up"

78 is that you're phone number? We are gonna prank call you!!

#78 - Is your refrigerator running? *heeheehee*

Does anyone else think that Jess looks STONED AS SHIT in that first pic?

just think this all started when...

Jessica wanted nick's landcock in her sweetcheeks, nick's reply was "on your knees and beg for papa_hotnuts bitch", with a giggle she begged and bend over, but to nicks surprise all he saw was a sharkbite with hersey kisses. He said "bitch, better start cruising for cock, cause you ain't gettin' near this saucie sausage". With a bewildered look on her face she said "i fucking hate you". Nick then said, "Go see my shrink Dr. Rokter, he'll fix you up real good, and if you suck his dick he might throw in some pinky-nip". Jessica cried uncontrollably, and was yelling "where's my chocolate, someboby feed me chocolate". That's when bigjim the hairdresser pranced in like a dancing queen and said "jessica, look at my purple puppy". Needless to say that was the end of nick and jessica, as to nick's last words to jessica were "this italion stallion's gone, fuck your gogoboots and that oscar myer weiner hairdresser".

the rest is tabloid history.

#82 - I think you forgot to mention me... *sob* Jerk!

That was cute, but I feel so left out.

#82 That was sweet, but you have too much time on your hands, methinks!

@82: That read like a Madlib! Love it!

@82 - i feel so left out! I can't believe there was a story with Pinky_Nip and Big Jim and I wasn't in it!

bigponie forgot me too. *cries*

Zanna, I'll read you a bedtime story that will include all 3 of us!

Looks like bigponie's second chapter's going to have to be a lesbian orgy...

*claps hands* YAYYYYYY!

Naked, right?

I'm on a four-day weekend woohoo, and sorry for the unmentioned, next time i'll be sure not to include you again...jk

I'll be wearing a smile. *grin*

*Neigh!*

ooo, I can't wait!!!

Any sign of BigJim today?

#61 If she got within fucking distance of me, I'd make her smell her Daddy's fist.

#81 You're right, she does. I believe the street name for what she was doing is "stupid".

#82 Now you're going to have to revise, and include everyone you forgot. Including that fat Christian bitch that used to say, "You're fired", or whatever it was she said all the time.

posted on #62... looks like that's it. He must be out towel shopping.

LOL, Pinky. You are probably right. JC Penny is having a white sale.

http://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/categoryall.aspx?DeptID=25436&CatID=28913&cmCatLevel=3&cmCatID=28906

I think he'd look nice in "peacock".

http://www4.jcpenney.com/jcp/ProductsHOM.aspx?DeptID=25436&CatID=28927&GrpTyp=SIZ&ItemID=0dc3e5c&RefPageName=CategoryAll.aspx&RefDeptID=25436&RefCatID=28906&cmAMS_T=U3&cmAMS_C=C1&CmCatId=28906

I think he'd look nice in Pinky.

Poor, Jess. I've got 8 inches of consolation waiting for her in Phoenix.

Yeah, she's:
a. Overexposed
b. annoying
c. on her way out of show biz.

So, I really don't have to comment about how I coun't care less or that sahe's annoying who is too publicised.

@100 - GOOD ONE!

it looks like the Proactiv isn't working so well

#102 But you just did.

Dude, when's her next album coming out...the perfect cover would be her pouting with her stupid trout lips and under the picture would be BUY ME...if not I'll CRY! WAHHHH!!!!

#82, I can understand you forgetting me, but you also forgot that Tom Cruise loves the cock.

So let me get this straight: If they get back together there might be an explosion that kills them both? God I hope they hook up soon..

That would be..... AWESOME!

she's so boobie-licious. no doubt about it.

If she's got a walnut for a brain is it a talking walnut? And she's probably one of those stupid bitches that try to be sexy, but it just comes off all wrong. She probably humps like an hopelessly white kid tries to dance to hip hop. I just can't stand her. I've never like the way she looked.

Either of them can have any human being they please. Even if they have to pay for friends, they are able to do it.

What's the problem?

Classic case of a moron believing the hype that they are the greatest thing out there. She should have talked to Shelly Long, MacLean Stevenson, Gary Burghoff, Robert Duval, etc.

Ari: How were the dreams last night? As wicked as predicted? ;)

Fa Cube, if I dreamed, I didn't remember it.. my daydreams however....;-)

I would like for them to get back together, but Nick's too busy fucking me instead. ;D

Joe has probably realized that the public perceives his daughter as a spoiled, adulterous bitch. Now that Jessica is losing the publicity game, he is trying to orchestrate a mock "make up" for the cameras. I hope, but highly doubt, that Nick is smart enough to recognize this tactic for what it is.

I bet she regrets that butt hole in the middle of her chin.

her dumb ass shouldnt ahve divorced Nick!! thats exactly what she gets!!!

Well, i personally hope she is tortured everyday and cries with deep depression just because she thought she got too hot and famous to be with Nick and he worshiped the ground that girl walked on (for some really strange reason). I hated her from the beginning, and i'll hate her until she becomes a washed up hollywood has-been! She gives blondes a bad name just because she might think it's cute to use her dingyness and stupidity as a way to make money. Here would be my words to her if i was one of those guys along the red carpet trying to interview her as she walks by..."Hey Jess, how does it feel to know when you released In This Skin the first time around it flopped, but when your show aired and people started watching not because they liked the show or you, but because they wanted to see if it was possible for you to actually out-do yourself with a more stupid outburst than the previous week, but when you re-released it you did better? Tell me...it doesnt bother you at all that your not famous for your singing but only for your ability to continuously amaze people with your incredibly dumb remarks?!?!?!

P.S. Since i'm not a hater i will say she looks good though...sometimes.

It's ok. Deevolution is a lonely process. but once she makes it back to pygmy form, she'll be able to frolic with all of the lost people's of indonesia as much as she wants. It'll be like a little savage version of the Wizard of Oz, her being dorothy meeting the lollipop guilde. or in this case, the canniballistic indonesian pygmys

Since when did she grow a Hapsburg chin? She looks like Gaston from "Beauty and the Beast."

#122: You never noticed her butt chin before???? Everytime i see her i think of John Travolta (mainly on "Grease"). Oh yeah, sometimes when her and nick would fight, she would stuff him in there until he'd apoligize for letting her know she was stupid when she spoke. So, she can use it as a torture device.